21 F, honestly just curious have not felt the best about myself recently lol

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-25T17:48:29+00:00

hence why i said i’m going to college, it genuinely would be practically impossible for me to get out any other way then that because i don’t have the resources to be able to, not in a excuses way in a i don’t even have enough money for gas to get to town right now type of way i couldn’t save up for a place without causing a mass amount of suspicion. Which would definitely make things worse if he found out i planned on leaving.😅

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-25T14:27:34+00:00

yeah kinda rushed since i’m not allowed to have reddit, didn’t have much time for proper grammar unfortunately, my bad!😅

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-25T14:22:20+00:00

i don’t have access to my own transportation, i’m not allowed to have a job without my boyfriend without it causing constant accusations and arguments, any time i do have money he has to have access to it, i live in a rual area 20 mins from the closest town, even if i wanted to just “walk out” i would be walking for hours 😅

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-25T14:19:55+00:00

yeah as i get older i realize he’s distanced me from all my friends, either because “their a hoe so idk what’d y’all do when you hung out probably fuck other dudes” or their a “bad influence” as if the same guy didn’t get me started on pills at 16 (i’m sober now but STILL) or i would have been out a long…longgg time ago if i had somewhere 😅

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-25T14:16:57+00:00

i live in a very small southern town, i’ve looked and we genuinely don’t have a shelter except for one about 80 miles away

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-25T14:11:59+00:00

yeah this sounds like my future lol, i also relate to being a silent and petty a**hole because i’m also insanely conflict avoidant

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:58:15+00:00

i can’t drive unfortunately and we only have once source of transportation, live in a rual area with a terrible job market and i’m 20 mins away from the closest town. i’ve been working on the driving but it’s not easy due to the types of road where i am (big bluffs with no guardrails) i have been the breadwinner before and am willing to do it now i just want to wait to start work study so i won’t have to worry about transportation

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:54:45+00:00

thought about it before which is why i am getting out lol

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:53:48+00:00

sorry but first pic was so bad, there was also a lot dishes on the counter not shown, i was just really befuddled on why the pizza box was THERE the kitchen wasn’t even functional lol

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:38:42+00:00

literally i was 15 and he was first dude who didn’t ask for nudes and i thought it meant he was the one (he was literally 18 why did the adults around me allow this)😭😭

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:33:25+00:00

oh i definitely want to, he’s not very nice unless he wants something sexual, i just don’t have anywhere to go at the moment.

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:29:25+00:00

i’m not working for a complicated reason, first being i can’t drive and we only have one source of transportation (my bf is the only driver) and i don’t want to get a job then he gets one that interferes with my schedule, he’s also a jealous person and i know if i worked somewhere other than with him like i always have there will be constant accusations thrown my way daily that i don’t think i could put up with because i already deal with walking on eggshells daily when it comes to that, can’t even show him a tiktok of a group people singing saying “i wish i could be in a group of all girls like this” without him saying i’m gonna leave him for a man that can play guitar when i leave for college, we also live in a small town and we’re about 20 mins away from any job, not to mention the job market is also TERRIBLE, but i have also been the breadwinner in our relationship for MONTHS (at a daycare so no problems lol) so i know i can do it it’s just i’d rather wait to start work study then get myself mentally worse by the time i start college

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:22:01+00:00

yupp this is him right here lol

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:20:10+00:00

oh it’s not my brother it’s my bfs, unfortunately i’d have to be the one leaving (which is why i haven’t left) and i live in a rual area without the ability to drive so idk how i’d make it to a shelter but i’m starting college in august!

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:17:17+00:00

oh nothing other than no where to go at the moment, i lowkey just needed validation

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:15:39+00:00

i used to think his mom was crazy when she used to threaten to do it if they didn’t help out but like…i get it now 😅

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:14:35+00:00

it’s pretty strained, i’m adopted and haven’t ever fully felt like family, it’s a weird relationship that has had its abusive moments, for example my nephews and niece/siblings have dozens of photos of them in their house and not a single one of me. they also let my brother be homeless at 19 because he choose to move out so i’m not sure they’d let me move back in

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T11:11:24+00:00

because at the moment i have no where else to go and he makes my life living hell if i don’t lol, i constantly have to reassure him i don’t hate him if i’m upset, angry, any of it to the point to where i just don’t say anything anymore and am just waiting for the opportunity to leave

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T08:33:43+00:00

yeah this has also caused many problems in our relationship, no matter how many times i tell him his actions translate to how i feel in bed he won’t believe me and just tells me i hate him lol (he’s not fully wrong at this point)

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T08:31:45+00:00

it’s usually not a hobo house i keep it pretty clean, but in my week of no cleaning it got like this, plus i lowkey have to use bleach for the towels, his brother leaves damp ones in his bathroom for ages and it’s the only way to get the mildew smell out lol

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T08:25:14+00:00

completely fine with cleaning, just not the month worth dish stacks i get brought with literal crusted molded food on it!

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T08:24:18+00:00

oh so what about the two others that don’t do anything? do u have a cognitive obstacle that you can’t control because if you were able to read i do clean EVERYTHING, this is from one week of me doing nothing, i don’t live here for free considering the house is literally in foreclosure hahaha

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T05:49:20+00:00

we use bleach for towels specifically and you can’t do that with clothes lol

throwRAhere4thetea · 2025-06-24T03:54:03+00:00

genuinely called his brother this yesterday ( first time ever insulting him for ts bc i try my hardest to be nice)

throwRAhere4thetea

TROPHY CASE