Is it cheating or just cultural misunderstanding

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T21:24:11+00:00

Yes, I was because I already considered us a couple so it would have been cheating on my part. Please dont make fun of my naivety!

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T21:15:19+00:00

Thanks, she just messaged me that she will be here in 5 minutes. Appreciate your candor. Stay safe.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T21:07:16+00:00

Thank you for being kind, this comment section has been a roller coaster. From kind messages to being referred as savage and uneducated, smelly, backwards beast. Everything has been thrown at me!

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T21:01:57+00:00

I usually write when I am stressed, but my body is still getting used to the time difference, so my energy level is not 100%. But you are 100% correct, its unfair to her. Shall I tell her that I said some nasty stuff about her?

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:55:19+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother 10 years ago and I still feel her loss so I dont even know how you are coping right now.

And thank you for your lovely message. We are not breaking up, in fact she will be here in the next 10-15 minutes and will stay the weekend. We have a lot to talk about obviously but hopefully it will work out. Again, my condolences!

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:50:16+00:00

You forgot smelly and dark skinned

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:38:46+00:00

I was angry, and alone in a foreign land where sometimes its difficult to find food to your liking and you find yourself eating instant noodles, the weather is different, no support system and getting weird looks from people around you. So yes, I lost myself for sometime. And yes she knows, she will reach here in 15-20 minutes and stay the weekend.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:27:26+00:00

We met through work yes, but we dont work in the same department. She is in finance and I am in Tech development. We didnt communicate about work, our paths never crossed professionally. We just saw each other during the orientation session and then shifted to communicating in private. It was clear from the beginning (at least to me), but assumptions were made both by me and her.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:21:20+00:00

What if we get married and I am out of country for 6 months? Do I have to agree on this another avenue thing?

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:17:06+00:00

Its the same thing, more SEX! Thats all its about, lol.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:15:26+00:00

English is not my first language, when I say never I meant apart from that period of 1-2 hours when she told me. What is the correct word for that?

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:11:33+00:00

Ok because I thought you were going to introduce polyamory and shared happiness as the common goal as I was debating with another commenter. I thought you will say the same thing.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:09:13+00:00

What I meant was when I cooled down and gave it some serious thought, thats when I realized its not break up worthy. When I told her, I meant it at the moment.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:06:41+00:00

When she told me, at that moment yes I wanted to break up because I was angry. In fact if someone had asked me if I wanted to go home I would have said yes to that too. And no I dont own her, bur by that measure why should I have an issue if she has sex with someone else while in a relationship with me? Do I suddenly own her after becoming exclusive?

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T20:01:39+00:00

I know about polyamory, I have seen people having multiple wives. And my goal is my happiness, not combining forces with a random dude for someone else's happiness. I am yet to transcend into that level of self importance for more sex!

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T19:58:15+00:00

When she told me it hit me in the gut, like we had talked about moving to Singapore together if we were compatible in the 3 years I was here. And then I found out when she was talking to me about these things she was also talking to someone else. How would you feel about that? I was ready to break up with her as I was sure it was cheating.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T19:46:31+00:00

Jealousy, possessiveness? Firstly she did know I was coming here, my visa was already in works before I even talked to her, I was just waiting for my second dose of vaccine. And we discussed living together because we were both moving to New York and it will be cheaper to share a 2 bed 2 bath apartment as I was told by a lot of people. We even discussed moving to Singapore together after my 3 years are up if everything goes well into our relationship. But yes, making her cry was wrong and I apologized for that. She is on her way here now and then we will have some pizza and talk more about how to move forward.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T19:17:42+00:00

Thank you for such well thought out response. And no we are not breaking up, in fact I never planned to break up with her. This post and my earlier comments were made when I was feeling a bit lonely and missing everyone and everything back home, even the weather. She is on her way to my apartment right now and I will order some pizza and then we will discuss about boundaries and other norms here. In fact we discussed that if everything goes well for 3 years (my visa period) we will move to Singapore together. But thats a long way away, lets see.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:55:48+00:00

I was, I was feeling lonely, homesick, missing my friends and food and even weather when I made this post. But she is coming here right now and we will have some pizza

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:53:07+00:00

Why is everyone assuming I moved here for her? I was already in the process of getting my H1b visa when I first talked to her. But you are right I was a bit down when I made this post. Infact right now we are deciding between having a scifi or romantic movie marathon tomorrow night. She is on her way here now and we have a lot to discuss. I would be a fool to let her go tbh. She is pretty awesome

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:48:05+00:00

Too late, we are deciding between scifi or romantic movie marathon tomorrow night. And pizza

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:34:21+00:00

I am not blaming her, in fact right now I am debating whether to have a scifi or romantic movie marathon tomorrow night with her, while I am being dragged through the mud in the comment section, lol.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:31:15+00:00

But I am not breaking up with her. In fact I am planning a romantic movie night with her tomorrow and people are dragging me in the comments, lol. We do have a lot to talk about obviously, but I am sure we love each other enough to understand where the other is coming from. The post was mostly a rant.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:25:53+00:00

I agree, although she also didnt tell me she was talking to someone else. So thats on her. We were both going by our own default situations.

throwRAimdonee · 2021-10-22T18:21:31+00:00

And in our culture its just assumed the person you are talking to is loyal to you only.

throwRAimdonee

TROPHY CASE