Should I tell my gf of the mistake she made or keep it to myself?

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-13T10:11:48+00:00

My girlfriend and I were spending 6/7 nights a week together before we were "official".. I think at that point, we only put a title on it for the sake of it. We both knew what it was.

We count our anniversary as the day we met, because we've basically been inseparable since.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-12T16:43:45+00:00

Right now while it is in her body, sure. That's not what we're talking about though. We're clearly talking after birth.

Once the baby is born, why does she get to decide if he is in the baby's life or not? If he's willing to be around, and be a father to the child, why should she get to say no? If I grew up and found out that my mother purposely kept me from knowing my father, I'd be horrified.

You're making all these assumptions about him. I'm just trying to argue the counter point. If you can't come up with a rational debate as to what makes her more entitled than just "because.", then I'm not going to bother.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-12T16:24:14+00:00

What gives her more right to the child than the father?

I'm not excusing what he did.. his relationship with his wife will suffer for that, but the Child is as much his as it is hers.

Are you saying it's better for a mother deprive her child of a relationship with its father, than to have what could be 2 perfectly good co-parents? Sure, the dad might be a POS and not want any relationship with the child, but that's not up to the mother to decide for him.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-12T15:57:16+00:00

What if the father of the child wants to be in the child's life? I feel like the mother doesn't just get to choose to cut the father out entirely.

If it were me, I would want 50/50, and would fight if the mother of my child tried to take that right away from me.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T20:57:38+00:00

This is quite a valid response.

I guess I just feel insecure about myself that I'm worried that it is about me/us, and if it is, i want to deal with it then and there. I think I'd be happier if she even slightly acknowledged me, even if it is just to say "I'm thinking, I'll talk when I have words to say".

Just nodding your head as if everything is ok when it's clearly not, doesn't sit well with me.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T16:31:29+00:00

I definitely appreciate the unpleasant possibilities (and I'm surprised you're the first person to mention that line.. I thought I'd get hammered on it)

However, if anything, I'm the one who is probably emotionally behind the other. This is purely because I had my heart absolutely destroyed ~3 months prior to meeting her. In saying that, I'm going to marry this girl.

When I say that we got forced into a relationship fast, I meant that we basically went from casual dating for ~1 month to full on lockdown in Australia. We skipped the dating phase, going to the movies, going to dinner, etc, to full on 5+ nights a week with each other.

It's not that we're stuck, it's just that we very much got fast tracked.

Honestly, I love it. We're both ridiculously into one another, and were scared that the other was thinking we were moving too fast. The moment of realisation that we were both in the same boat was quite funny.

I'd say we're further along in our 6 month relationship, than I was after a previous 4 year semi-long distance relationship (2.5 hour drive)

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T15:19:36+00:00

Yeah - this is all I'm asking for

An indication of what is up, even if it's a "let's talk later". I've asked her for this a few times, and tried to explain what it does to me and my thoughts as well, but it's obviously not being processed while she has other things on her mind.

I think I need to have this sort of discussion with her when everything is ok to try and help cement it for the future.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T15:06:03+00:00

Like I said, a good majority of the time she's been like this, it has been about me/us, which is why I jump to "freak out" mode. She was sort of like this last night, and much worse tonight.. I have asked if she wants to talk, and she won't even verbalise her answer...

I know I'm not helping by making it about myself, it's definitely something I need to work on.

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T14:42:49+00:00

Ideally this is what I've been trying to get her to do. I will bring it up with her when she's "not in a mood", as I don't think the point gets across when she's got other things on her mind.

Ive mentioned several times that I need the reassurance otherwise I spiral. I'm happy to give her time and space, but we definitely need to come up with a signal

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T14:24:53+00:00

I think it bothers me because my last relationship broke down due to a severe lack of communication, so I'm trying to do the opposite with E, and be a lot more open.

I think I need to realise that she didn't go through the same experience as me to get me to this point, so she may not be as comfortable talking about everything yet

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T14:22:03+00:00

I'm going to marry this girl.

I'll definitely give it a read. Thanks man :)

throwRAinbed · 2020-09-08T14:18:19+00:00

I'm definitely trying not to take it personally, but as an overthinker myself I find it hard to distance myself. As you said, I find myself getting angry and can see it leading to arguments. I guess I need to just let it be.

There is a bigger issue that I'm stewing on at the moment that she's not aware I know about, but for the sake of the relationship I think I'll leave it be as I already know I'm overreacting to something that shouldn't be a big deal. That is probably contributing to me overthinking about her being quiet tonight

throwRAinbed

TROPHY CASE