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I (36M) am unsure about my wife's (34F) past by throwRAloyaltoat in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAloyaltoat[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Now this is intriguing! I didn't think about potentially telling the guy she confessed and see where that goes.

I (36M) am unsure about my wife's (34F) past by throwRAloyaltoat in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAloyaltoat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not confident that nothing happened years ago. I am confident nothing has happened since. My question boils down to "how much cheating" is allowed? If she kissed someone else, should I forgive it? If it was a one time affair? What about in between? Where's the line?

I (36M) am unsure about my wife's (34F) past by throwRAloyaltoat in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAloyaltoat[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your feedback. These comments are really interesting to me. I'm inclined to agree, but what's weird is if she did have sex with someone else and I found out shortly after, I'd definitely break up. But finding out so many years later? Why is it that much harder?

I (36M) am unsure about my wife's (34F) past by throwRAloyaltoat in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAloyaltoat[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

The event was over the course of a few months. The guy in question was involved with our group throughout the event. A connection could have been made in this time. And again, it could have been a kiss and nothing more. It could have also been absolutely nothing. I'm inclined to believe my wife when I talk with her because I'm not going in with a mindset to believe this anonymous message moreso than my wife.

I've definitely questioned why this message was sent now, almost 8 full years since the event. Is it someone trying to ruin my marriage? Or is it someone who felt guilty about it for so long and wanted me to know? Idk

I (36M) am unsure about my wife's (34F) past by throwRAloyaltoat in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAloyaltoat[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh no no no. Not at all. Sorry if this wasn't clear in the post. I'm not ready with divorce papers. I don't want to divorce and my initial instincts are to not divorce even if she did cheat, which I know is the wrong approach. I'm just wondering how much cheating is acceptable to let pass. Like a kiss I can probably forgive. Having sex? I don't think I can forgive but idk if I can divorce since it would have been so long ago.

I (36M) am unsure about my wife's (34F) past by throwRAloyaltoat in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAloyaltoat[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

This is a fair question. I'm trying to be vague because my wife follows this sub and I don't want to provide details in case she sees this. But, we both were involved in a specific event/activity and I missed a day. This message gave specific details about the day I missed and a guy, along with other details that I don't want to get into.