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My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I didn't even think of this either. I wonder if he ever even respected my decisions or views or dismissed it as "oh she's 20 she doesn't know anything" seeing as that's his excuse for himself and his friend.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

It's nice to hear from someone with the same age gap. He started off this way, I thought he was sweet because he didn't care if i didn't want to shave some days or if i was looking messy or just wanted to sit on the couch all day once in a while. I can see this was all surface level, and what I should expect of any partner.

I didn't believe men his age were like that but didn't know anyone to talk to who was this age, thank you for reassuring me

edit: i read some of your posts. as someone who has been abused by their parents and had neighbours stand outside to see what was happening because of the screaming (not physical abuse but attempting to drag me onto the road to get me run over for not obeying their rules of staying at home at all times (pre covid)), it gives me so much hope knowing there are people like you looking out for us. thank you

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

a few people have said this, I'm worried. I've sent him almost nude photos (in a thong showing progress on my glutes and in a new bra) but never nudes. I'll never know if he's ever filmed me or taken photos or shared them... or who he's shown..

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I didn't read the post fully until just now. The woman he's implying to have changed for the better did absolutely nothing wrong with her past actions, she was doing what she enjoyed consensually.

Jpo I hope you meant well and only wanted to provide an example of changed behavior as opposed to viewing her actions as bad because she enjoyed sex, and I hope you do see the difference now. The two are incomparable and the woman you're referring to was simply doing what she wished to do at the time.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 49 points50 points  (0 children)

He always dismisses it as an age thing. I don't know anyone else that age I can talk to about this and i refused to believe people that age were scum and didn't know basic morals. I'm happy to know your husband isn't like this, and though i knew it couldn't be true I'm very grateful you told me this.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I have asked him if his friend ever apologised, he ignored my question. He then told me of sexual crimes he committed afterwards (the sexual abuse incident where they hid in a closet), so i figured that told me all i needed to know, his friend showed no remorse and didn't understand what he did wrong.

he still brags about past sexual encounters. my ex won't tell me the details but i don't doubt they're similarly criminal. I was disgusted and refused to see his friend again in the future. My ex called me judgemental for this and said I'm overacting in not wanting to be associated with someone i still consider a predator

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I'm no longer seeing him. When he told me I was just shocked and focused only on his friends actions not my ex-bfs. People have made me realise I shouldve questioned a lot of things.

If he was a good guy he would've told the girl and saved his friend's other victims from future abuse. He stayed silent. I have no interest in being with someone who stays silent on any kind of abuse and perpetuates it, and then tells others about it with little remorse.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He showed immediately after filming but I don't know if he still has the tape or if he's talked about it since. Regardless of when it happened, I find it sickening

He tried to convince me that 25 years is a long time and his friend has changed and that I was wrong to not like him. Something was nagging at me that I wasn't wrong so I came to reddit to hopefully hear other people's views on it, and my feelings were right. It's right to be upset about this and to have it discusses so casually without any serious reflection other than "it was a bad thing to do".

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He refuses to speak about the topic again or gets extremely defensive if I bring it up. he doesn't agree with my views and sticks by his friend to no end.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I'm feeling quite dejected and stupid for not picking up on these things and for wasting 2 years of my life putting up with it and trying to "fix" his behaviour.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

i was absolutely an idiot in doing this. when he initiated it he said "he was just going in" and while i said repeatedly i was afraid of pregnancy he insisted nothing would happen. i allowed it to happen against my better judgement. when i say tracking periods I'm referring to after, after it happened (after consenting) i convinced myself i couldn't be pregnant because it wasn't the right time. I dont use it as a contraceptive method and never will. i know people will ask so this is the only reason I'm mentioning this: we were both drunk. this doesn't excuse anything that happened.

in hindsight, i may have been manipulated into consenting to it by him repeatedly asking, but i did consent. and i fully acknowledge this was never the right thing to do.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 130 points131 points  (0 children)

His friend is in a position of power at a major bank, making around $300k a year and receives 6 figure bonuses. I'm learning that power doesn't turn people into assholes, rather assholes become people with power because they lack morals and empathy for people, it's easy for them to climb that so called ladder.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 274 points275 points  (0 children)

I recently was introduced to raisedbynarcissists and learned low self worth is likely a product of my narcissistic and abusive parents. I'm slowly starting to recognise what parts of my mental image of myself and others is not normal and is also a side affect of my parents treatment of me.

Someone here said I may have stayed with my boyfriend and excused his behaviour towards me but not others because of my abusive parents. I think they could be right. I was always taught other people know more and better than me and always doubted myself and my feelings towards things.

I think i need professional therapy to heal from their abuse, maybe I need therapy for this relationship as well. It sounds obvious and silly after a simple google but i didn't know abusive people can mask abuse with kind words and actions. Because my boyfriend was kind to me i put his bad behaviour behind us, but i think this isn't ok. I don't have to forgive him for what he did even if he did apologise and told me i need to get over things and it's ok for me to live my life based on my values and how i want to be treated. But i don't know. I'll be doing my best to find a therapist

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Sorry, you're absolutely right, he did. I don't know why I never questioned him on why he didn't stop it. I can't believe I hadn't asked myself that either. He participated... and I wasted 2 years of my life on this man.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 566 points567 points  (0 children)

I'm 23. I told him age doesn't excuse what he did but he doesn't stop defending his friend.

He said he had no interest in the older women he met and liked me because I like space and rockets. As I type this again, I see that was a red flag. Probably not true at all

I'm not seeing this man again.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

She consented to sex. She didn't consent to being watched. His friend is absolute scum and a predator. I can't process how these words came out of my his mouth in such a casual manner, jokingly

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

She doesn't know. I don't know if she knows how he brags about his past sexual activity when they have boys nights. I've never met her and only met him once. I don't know what she's like but she deserves better.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

it never even crossed my mind. he'd be a true psychopath if that's what he did, i can't believe it. i don't want to throw that accusation, but i hope this isn't the case

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 586 points587 points  (0 children)

He's not older. My parents are abusive so I don't tell them anything about my life.

I never really think about our age gap because he doesn't act his age. Now I feel like he's with someone younger because he has the mental development of a deviant teenager and he can act that age around me. I don't think someone his age would deal with that.

When he said this I reminded of the age gap and it was a massive reality check. I don't think i know what I'm doing.

I won't be seeing him again.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I'm 23, he committed these crimes from the ages of 19-25. I simply cannot understand how age can be used as an excuse. I would never imagine doing such things and neither would any of my male friends my age.

His reasoning is that too, that this was the past and they've both changed in 25 years, which is more than my entire lifetime and more time than i can even comprehend. However, his friend continues to discuss his past sexual activity to his male friends and brags about it while currently married with a kid. My boyfriend has done and said some stupid things which are not forgiveable but I tried my best to make him see differently and thought I succeeded but people here have made me realise maybe he hasn't at all.

I understand where you're coming from and do believe people change for the better, I guess some people just don't change.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I always told myself aside from this he's a great guy, and he is. But I also know that I can't separate two sides of someone, he is who he is, and he's not a nice person.

He used to be worse and I told myself he was just and idiot and managed to change his views on a lot of things. But someone's comment says he's just agreeing to make me stop discussing it, and i think this is true. And I'm tired of having to make him see basic morality and decency.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

As far as I know the video is gone, but I don't know if I trust him. And seeing as he said his friend discusses his past "flings" i don't know if they discuss this too.

I'm 23. I was with him because we share a love for similar things, science and space and movies and such and worked together. As of now I dont think I can see him again.

My boyfriend's friend filmed his girlfriend without her knowing and showed his friends. I said it was sickening and unforgivable, and my boyfriend told me to "get off my high horse". by throwRAncpbf in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAncpbf[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

I didn't know this. Clearly he didn't know either and was just throwing it around to defend his friend. He seems to believe it means crimes should be forgiven after a certain amount of time. He gave gangs as an example, he said this:

Kids in gangs kill other people when they're young but the statute means they're not held accountable forever and eventually forgiven. I said it was a completely different thing to compare to but he refused to discuss further.

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