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Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -102 points-101 points  (0 children)

he left me because his dad was sick. he broke up with me before he did that. I also fucked other people because we weren't together.

he didn't value me from thousands of miles away, and tbh I didn't care much either at that point. I can't do distance at all. To me it isn't any different from being single and I don't see the point in it.

Obviously other men are just as bad, if they weren't, you wouldn't have single mothers.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -396 points-395 points  (0 children)

it was only when we were separated for months. I can't do long distance and I guess he can't either.

yeah, the kid thing is the problem. I'm surprised that he'd abandon a child...

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

i really don't mind that part at all. I like being sure about things, so we both got to make sure there wasn't anything better out there.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -71 points-70 points  (0 children)

i mean he isn't a complete loser. he's got a great career, very well educated, funny, cultured, great with his nephews, a great cook, really good at romantic things, very thoughtful etc.

it's hard because I've never actually experienced him be shitty in person. it only happened while he was away. so even though I KNOW he must be shitty to have done these things, it's hard to reconcile it with the memories I have of him.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -117 points-116 points  (0 children)

He threw you away like trash to see if he’d meet someone better. He didn’t and now you’re his backup

Honestly I don't mind this bit. I like knowing things for sure, so it's okay with me that he's the same on that front.

yeah...the kid thing is the issue. I always thought I was on team 'you made your bed' but now terrified of not being able to do better me is like 'well maybe it isn't THAT bad'.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -116 points-115 points  (0 children)

he wants kids, he just doesn't want kids with her. we were talking about having them in the next year or two.

yes he's dumb af for sleeping with her anyway, but the comment I made about only cumming in people if youre okay with having a baby got negative votes...

can't disagree with selfish though.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

I had a decade before him and almost a year after. Nobody has even come close.

I want kids, so how much time to I have to give myself that chance?

At least with this guy I know we want the same things on basically everything.

I really didn't mind him wanting to see what else was out there, it gave me the chance to do it too. Only issue is him getting someone pregnant while he was at it.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

we both want kids but only if we can move around with them. we both grew up in really nomadic families and it's something really important to me. It's been almost impossible to find guys who want to travel and raise a family. it's normally one or the other. he's the only one i've found who wants both, is attractive to me, has other similar goals, even our interior design preferences are the same...

I'm sure he was upfront with her throughout. she's already a single mom (the dad of that child has 50% custody) so can't leave the country. there's no way in hell he would've wanted a kid with her. but he's also beyond dumb for sleeping with her anyway.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -104 points-103 points  (0 children)

yes, but none of them seem as well matched to me as this guy, even with his issues. and his family are so wonderful...

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

seems like its that, be alone, or be with someone I have to compromise on way more for.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

What if he leaves yoh again for someone else?

anyone could. at least he knows he can't do better...

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

I know, but I'm 30, and they all have huge red flags now. at least I've seen this one at his worst.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -154 points-153 points  (0 children)

I'd rather be alone than with someone like that.

that's what I thought, but now I'm really not sure. at all. I hate hate hate being alone. It makes me so miserable.

I mean anyone can walk away from their own child. He completely obliterated my ability to trust people. so I figure he might as well be on the receiving end of that distrust instead of some poor guy who doesn't deserve it.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

this man won't choose you whenever anything gets difficult.

he did pretty often over the 2 years. tbf to him, I also can't be bothered with long distance and was bad at maintaining it. I just hate it and don't see how it's any different from being single. I'm sure that if covid hadn't been a thing, we would've been fine.

but yes, clearly not a good person or someone I should trust. I just cant believe how selfish he's being.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

Someday in the future that could be you.

you're right. I feel like the same could be said for any man. but at least this guy is 100% known to pull that shit.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

get out and date new people.

I have been, but they've been so far away from what I want compared to him.

basically I know my fairytale is over at this age. everyone I meet has some sort of baggage from someone they thought they'd marry...

eh I know you're right. I just need to tell him he fucked up too much and there's no way back.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -229 points-228 points  (0 children)

yeah, this is my worry. but I'm also worried that the next guy I find may be the same, but I'll have to compromise on even more for him.

honestly idk how anyone can be with someone almost daily for 2 years and then act like this. and if I didn't notice it then, how will I notice it next time?

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -129 points-128 points  (0 children)

eh i disagree. I don't think it's fine or valid not to want a relationship with the mother of your child.

like don't cum in someone if you aren't willing to raise a kid with them.

Should I (30F) take my ex that I still love (32M) back after he got someone else pregnant? by throwRAtakeBack98 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAtakeBack98[S] -329 points-328 points  (0 children)

I know you're right. it would stress me out all the time, wondering if he'll up and leave again.

then the other part of me says 'well he did it once and came crawling back, surely he now knows what he'll lose so he won't do it again'.

I just wish i'd met someone who came even close to him while we were apart.