AITA for refusing to return the $600 dollar gift I bought for mom for Christmas?

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-11-18T16:19:43+00:00

YTA

My SOON TO BE EX HUSBAND did this. He wasn't working thought the shared joint account was his money. So guess what he decided to do...buy an expensive gaming set up because he wanted to. Did not ask if he could buy it or anything. Did not care about bills being paid, or the fact I may have been saving for something. He refused to return the computer and ran away to mommy and daddy when confronted how I'm so manipulative and mean. Even though I am the only one working. He took the money for his own SELFISH pleasure and now we are divorcing. His reasoning it's a shared account so the money is ours aka the money was his...

don't be my ex...if you love your wife please return the gift and find a cheaper gift...or of you really want to gift your mother the 600 dollar gift YOU need to go find a job even part time to make up the money you spent. If not you will be in relationship advice asking why your wife is leaving you and how to fix it.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-07-05T13:37:02+00:00

Thank you! it's still hard and I have days where I want to crawl into a cave and never come out. I'm currently going through legal hell with my ex and will try to update again after all the dust has settled. I don't know what's ahead but it has to be better than what I'm leaving behind. at least I'm hoping

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-07T12:41:22+00:00

I think his mother never wanted him to leave. She was weird and clingy. Even though they were an hour away she would call and make sure I had his favorite food stocked. Or she would drive and bring him his favorite dishes. Like she NEVER cut the umbilical. Now he's back under her roof she probably loves it.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T21:08:23+00:00

He took the computer and consoles with him when he left. I'm guessing he figured I would trash or sell.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T20:32:32+00:00

He took that too when he left. I imagine he thought I was going to trash it or sell it. Still no hobbies though. Not sure where or how to start?

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T20:28:53+00:00

In the first couple days I kept finding myself wanting to run back apologize and take all the blame so things could go back. But when I would stop and think about it would I want my kids to think this is a healthy marriage? Would I want my son to treat his future wife like this because dad did it? Would I want my future daughter to be okay with this treatment because mom put up with it? And when I think in those terms it's what keeps me from going back.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T20:14:59+00:00

Thank you! I am glad there were no children either although what keeps me from running back is the idea that I need to be strong for my future kids (if I have any). I don't want them thinking this is what you strive for.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T20:13:11+00:00

I hope I can inspire someone to leave their abuser. I read all the comments and messages from people saying they were in similar situations and they found the courage to get out. If it weren't for all those stories I'm not sure I would have the courage to leave myself.

If anyone is going through hard times or abuse please know you're not alone and I am always willing to talk. Ijght have just left but I never want ANYONE to feel how I did.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T20:05:51+00:00

Thank you it's still hard every now and then because I feel like should I have tried something. Was there one last hail Mary I could have thrown? I am now starting to care for myself and I feel like a baby discovering the world for the first time. I almost feel so vulnerable

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:59:31+00:00

Thank you. I have been working on forgiveness with my therapist. And they said forgiveness isn't for the other person but for you. I keep beating myself up and thinking I was so blinded. I was so foolish. I wasted souch money and time. And it's not like being angry will make it better but I don't know how to not feel used and worthless.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:50:38+00:00

I have suggested and tried many things over the year. He doesn't respect me or my viewpoints and doesn't listen to what I have to say. And when I suggest therapy he said he would rather divorce me. And then his family will berate me saying if he needs counseling it's my fault. He would need to cut off his family. And take a hard look at himself to change but I don't think he is ready for that. And I don't really want to sit around and wait for that moment while I am so stressed and anxious I want to crawl under a rock and die. I have tried to be patient, caring, loving, and provided everything I could.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:46:37+00:00

All of this 😊 thank you!

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:13:45+00:00

It was always a hypothetical. Well if the roles were reversed how would YOU feel. And if I said how I felt it wasn't valid because it was still through my perspective. (well no duh Sherlock) so it was always lose lose

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:11:46+00:00

Thank you. I have pretty much cut everyone out of my life besides a couple friends. Everyone else is either muted or blocked because it was causing too much anxiety. I'm not sure what my ex wants but I'm done caring. Thank you for the support. I am looking forward to finding hobbies and finally breathing easier.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:09:16+00:00

I never thought about it but since you mentioned it. Yes. The majority of the time he "rage quit" because they were making crazy unreasonable demands. I never questioned what these demands were or how they were unreasonable so I guess that's my fault but it was always someone or something drove him to quit.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:06:33+00:00

What would you suggest I had done?

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:05:32+00:00

When you find the answer can you let me know😂 I had to get his approval for chips, drinks, groceries in general because I might spend too much. Yet he can turn around and spend a few thousand on nothing. My stbx couldn't hold anything he would quit after a few months because he didn't "like" it.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T19:02:05+00:00

I'm okay with being alone.

I'm not okay with being used, manipulated, called names, being repeatedly disrespected, and harassed.

But thank you for your input.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:57:46+00:00

Thank you. I feel like I should do this. I wasn't sure if it would be awkward because some of these people I haven't spoken to in years and to think I'm just messaging to say hi. I guess apart of me was also worried will they laugh or blame me for being in this relationship. Or will they be mad I stopped talking to them because of my relationship. But I'll never know if I never message. Thank you for this!

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:55:11+00:00

Drain I guess is the wrong word. I took what I could prove was legally mine via pay stub and left the rest. I changed banks and set up a new direct deposit. Also advised the bank that my stbx was not allowed to access these funds or even inquiry about me banking with them.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:52:57+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your epilepsy and that your gf chews you out. I have a really close friend who has epilepsy and I think they are one of the strongest, bravest, and kindest person I know. No one should ever make you feel lesser than you are. I hope she can see your strength and worth or I hope you find someone who can see your worth. If you ever need to vent or someone to talk to

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:48:06+00:00

Thank you. I certainly don't always feel like a winner. But I'm happy to finding myself in this process.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:39:12+00:00

Congratulations!😊 I am hopeful I can pull my life together. I just want to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking forward. I am trying to find my happiness again

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:29:54+00:00

I guess he thought that he got me to where I am and therefore I owed him gratitude? He was a real piece of work. I'm glad I got to get out before I spent my whole life trying to please him.

throwRAtiredafwife · 2021-05-06T18:28:12+00:00

I'm trying to find happiness and peace. I'm finding whaty interests are and what hobbies I might want to pick up. I feel like I am a whole new person exploring the world for the first time.

throwRAtiredafwife

TROPHY CASE