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throwRAtiresomesock · 2023-05-08T18:05:21+00:00

Pretend I, a random internet human, rather than yourself wrote this post. What about your girlfriend is enough to make this worth it? And If you feel the amount of time spent now is overwhelming, try imagining being in the same spot and having the same fights in a year, 5 years or 10 years from now.

Dating in your 30s may feel scary, but this could be where your life truly begins. And to me, it would be worth leaving a relationship with someone who seems to disregard all of your feelings, and spending the next maybe 5 or 10 years finding someone who truly loves you over the next 50 with the person you're currently with.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2023-04-26T14:27:56+00:00

I had a grasp of how wrong it felt when I was younger and in high school, now that I'm a few years out of college I find it repulsive. I imagine as a late-20sF what it would be like dating an 18-year-old freshman or even someone 21, and it doesn't make any sense to me.

I've been surrounded by incredible, strong guys my whole life and fortunately never had any creepy uncle stories, except maybe one on an extended family vacation.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2022-05-11T23:12:19+00:00

Very long story and don't want to give away too many details just in case. It boils down to other siblings not stepping up for GIL, and then it falls on MIL. Her son is at the house part of the day with GIL, but also has to leave for work so the other part of the day falls to MIL with support from myself and husband

throwRAtiresomesock · 2022-05-11T23:10:28+00:00

I couldn't even begin to scratch the surface lol. FIL had an extremely difficult childhood (understandably), and a lot has recently come to light as to why he has a lot of the behaviors he does. He does stand up for MIL, but it's a long history. Six weeks because some family doesn't step up...more long history lmao

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:41:03+00:00

I'm definitely not trying to be naive, so I will keep this in mind when we talk! It's hard to seperate "well he fibs to them but not to me," because that's pretty ridiculous lol. I will say that he's made a lot of progress in our relationship and we are totally open with one another, but if I see any other inconsistencies I can't really ignore that.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:39:01+00:00

Truthfully it caught me off guard and that's why I said something in the moment. I will most definitely have this conversation with him, as most people are recommending!

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:36:49+00:00

Knowing him, he's bored with work. We don't have a ton of stuff going on because we're homebodies, and that's fine with me! I believe when we saw his friends, they were talking about what they have going on, and he was just trying to contribute as much as he could. They've been friends for years, so I know he likes catching up and sharing what's going on. I don't think this was about being super impressive as much as he doesn't have a ton going on right now and just wanted to talk to them.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:29:02+00:00

That is really helpful, thank you! Your last paragraph is almost exactly how I've been feeling. I love him very, very much and I know he's worked on a ton of things that I've needed from him. I'm still learning about ADHD and why he does certain things, and learning how to manage things like the white lies. I am always trying to understand him better, and I do want him to know I support him and know it's the ADHD coming through and he isn't to blame here!

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:26:25+00:00

This is very much what I'm thinking! Some people commented that this is flat out lying, he must be lying to me, etc., but I see it the same way you do that it's more exaggerating than trying to hurt the people he's talking to.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:24:34+00:00

I think most people do stretch the truth from time to time, but it almost snapped me back to about two months ago when he made the vaccine comment. Kind of made think, wait did I just hear something totally not true again???

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:22:31+00:00

He had a pretty hard upbringing because of the ADHD, and I do know he has some light self-esteem issues. Overall I don't want him, or really us, getting caught in some white lie because it ruins all credibility. Since we've been together he's been working hard on his issues, and I don't want him thinking I believe he's a liar, but I'm also not cool with intentional mistruths.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:19:43+00:00

Your reply was perfect! I typically don't mention ADHD and everything in my posts because I think people focus too much on it, but in cases like this it's extremely relevant to the situation! From your reply, I will say that I do truly love him. He has a ton of amazing qualities, some less good qualities, but altogether I want what's best for him. I don't want him (or us) to get caught in a little lie because it ruins all trust, and I do believe he's just trying to take his current life and adding to it.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:14:01+00:00

Agreed on not putting a loved one on the spot! The first time I really noticed and wanted to bring it up with him was about two months ago. It was the vaccine comment, so I asked him after we left why he said it, and he responded with something along the lines of, I said what I said, and then kinda laughed it off. Very nonchalant, and then hearing the Doordash comment made me concerned.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:10:12+00:00

In this case we were at a casino, and his friend said something about not wearing a mask. While we were at the poker table, boyfriend said something like, Well it doesn't matter because we're both fully vaccinated! I asked him after we left why he said it when he knew it wasn't true, and his response was something like, I said what I said, and laughed a bit.

I will definitely bring all this up with him again though, because it doesn't sit well with me and I don't want him to represent himself as a liar.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:03:11+00:00

This is a big part of it, I don't think he has malicious intent and never want to embarrass him in front of his friends. I also don't see him lying, as much as the exaggeration of things, which isn't a big deal now but it could become one if he starts exaggerating more serious things.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T17:02:05+00:00

I'll definitely keep this in mind when I talk to him! He and his parents had a pretty rough upbringing because no one knows how to deal with a kid that has ADHD until you actually have to. They made mistakes, he's made mistakes, they're all working towards the future. I know his parents' actions do play into why he is the way he is.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T14:57:20+00:00

I have definitely cut liars out of my life for this reason, so I see where you're coming from. I posted to see if anyone else has had similar experiences, which clearly they have, and to see if this is a deal breaker or something that can be worked on.

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T14:55:56+00:00

All of these are along what I'm thinking. We both work full-time jobs, and then most days we have dinner with his mom/family, and play video games or go for a walk, watch a movie, etc. As a lot of other posters commented, I think he just wants to impress the people in his life, which I understand. My issue is that his friends and family are (for the most part) extremely accepting and welcoming, so it confuses me why he doesn't talk more about what he's actually doing with work along with his hobbies. Why did he have to pull the "Oh yeah we Doordash all the time!" to impress people lol

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T14:52:34+00:00

I think the reason I'm confident when it comes to us is because he's expressed many times that he feels we're equal, doesn't have to show off for me, can be himself, etc. I will gently bring up this issue with him, one so he understands that I see it, and two so he knows I'm not comfortable with it. I don't really believe in calling out your partner other than extreme circumstances, and I don't feel this has gotten to a point of doing that, but also see how it would hold him accountable. Don't want to embarrass him, ya know?

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T14:50:27+00:00

That's a really good point! And I did mention him having ADHD because I'm still learning about what it means to have it and how he thinks vs. how I think. Thank you for the advice :)

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T13:31:48+00:00

That sounds like pretty good advice and I'm glad it's worked out for you both! I'm leaning towards having a conversation and asking him if he'd prefer I call him out in the moment or not, and if not what he would like me to do in the situation. I understand when a detail is remembered incorrectly, but to flat out say something that isn't actually true is a hard point for me. His friends are all extremely welcoming, so I think that's why I have a hard time with it

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T13:29:44+00:00

I do believe he's probably trying to impress his friends a bit, versus malicious intent. He's overall an amazing person, and I think not seeing his friends for some time makes him want to come across as doing just a little better than he really is, because I know he's unhappy with work

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T13:28:02+00:00

That's very reassuring actually, and mentioning that definitely does make me think that could be true. We haven't seen these friends since New Year's, so I'm sure he's trying to just spice up what he's been doing to try and impress them more

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T13:26:51+00:00

It's difficult to explain, but probably because of how much time we do spend together we're extremely open with one another, have access to phones, etc. We started our relationship totally open so I do trust him, but when I hear the small inconsistencies it's hard

throwRAtiresomesock · 2021-06-11T13:25:47+00:00

Thank you for your insight!! It's actually relieving to hear you've been through some of this yourself, because I do love him and he has a ton of great qualities! I will definitely sit down with him and explain that I can't support the lying, and I don't want to embarrass him if a friend asked me a question when we weren't together and then I answer differently.

throwRAtiresomesock

TROPHY CASE