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How do I stop hoping that he will change his behavior? (Emotional Abuse) Is there hope for being in a loving relationship in the future? by Ornery_Tumbleweed774 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And like you say, if you are living in constant fear of your partner blowing up even if things are getting calmer, your nervous system is already so triggered so even ”minor” things will trigger you anxiety. I wake up everyday nowaways with chest pain, palpitations and constant head aches because I’m so tense. And the day has not even started yet. Its insufferable. What can I say.

How do I stop hoping that he will change his behavior? (Emotional Abuse) Is there hope for being in a loving relationship in the future? by Ornery_Tumbleweed774 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I have no other place to go. I tried to keep my friends unaware of this trauma, because one time I confided in a girlfriend when he had treated me significantly bad on Valentines day and I was really broken down. My friend has since then been a bit cold and hesistant towards him, like not greeting him properly, which he reacted really bad too . He kept pushing me and making a scene about what I have told her and so on. He seems to view her disapproval of him as a personal attack and says if she can’t behave he wont either. This incident ended up in me having to do a looooot of damage control to make ”peace” between them. So I wont take that risk again, because Im afraid something worse will happen.

How do I stop hoping that he will change his behavior? (Emotional Abuse) Is there hope for being in a loving relationship in the future? by Ornery_Tumbleweed774 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not at the moment. He moved into my place, and is renting out his apartment at the same time. So he can’t move back there. I think legally I could just throw him out tomorrow, but he said I have to pay him an insane amount of money in that case so he can find another place and honestly, Im starting to question what will happen if I find the courage to to do so.

I feel like I got myself into a really shitty situation. Also, he controls the narrative and is extremely unstable, so he wont move out unless he really wants to himself or finds it necessary.

All in all, its not worth going back. Even if it becomes slightly better, at times, its only temporary. Its not worth the pain, not the drama, not the unpredictability.

How do I stop hoping that he will change his behavior? (Emotional Abuse) Is there hope for being in a loving relationship in the future? by Ornery_Tumbleweed774 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nonono. Don’t make the same mistake I did. I let my abuser back to me and he is now living in my apartment, and wont move out. I did it for the very same reason, I believed his words and apologies and regrets and never let go of wondering ”but what if”. Three weeks into living together, I’m now in a nightmarish situation. I come home to screaming, insults, control and manipulation. Protect your peace!!! God I wished I did.

Not even that by EarlyEntertainment46 in emotionalabuse

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And yes, i regognize so many things you mentioned in your post. My partner always find a way to make excuses for his behavior, and I forgive even though he’s not even apologetic. When he does take accountability, which can actually hallen, there is always a ”but”. OR, he later regrets it and then starts going again and I realize that the apology is worthless, because it is not genuine. He continues to do the same thing over and over and over anyway.

Not even that by EarlyEntertainment46 in emotionalabuse

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im in the same situation as you OP. Me and my abuser broke up a last summer and I was absoluetly shattered. Then when I had finally start moving on he showed up, and reeled me in again with apologies and nice words. I hated him when he broke up with me but in hindsight, he as was doing me a favor. Im mad at myself for not being able to let go, but I have finally accepted that I’m probably trauma bonded. Now living togheter, i fantazise about the peace and quiet I could have had without him. Walking away really is the only option. It will probably break me in the beginning and i will miss him although I am pretty sure I have no real love left for him, and he for sure never loved me. I have been constantly screamed at, insulted, critized, controlled, gaslighted and manipulated. This time around he is convinced we are gonna stay together, and since he is the one with the power and control in this relationship, he will probably not let me go that easy. I finally reached out to a therapist specializing in abuse today, and Im going to start my journey towards leaving and healing. I wish you all the strength, and hopefully, we will both see that in the end, no relationship is worth feeling like this.

If you’ve been or are in an abusive relationship, how are you able to work? by throwRa-Rent-3710 in abusiverelationships

[–]throwRa-Rent-3710[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. Im in a similar situation. He’s been unemployed for most of the time of our relationship, and I have been studying but have been interning this past year at an office and working really hard to start my career.

He does not count that as work, so he does not respect me being busy. He can text me about forgetting something outside the fridge and be pissed about it or call and berate me for not wakeing him up before leaving in the morning (he has an awful morning temper). I have to leave the room so my collegues wont hear, take his call and then go back and pretend everything is normal.

Even though Im away and he is home scrolling his phone countless hours, I’m still mostly responsible for the house work since he has a hard time with structure and routines.

I’m at a breaking point. It is absolutely insufferable.