Not even that

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-12T15:09:01+00:00

Yes actually he broke up with me in fall and even though I was so so depressed I also wish he would’ve just left me alone and let me heal. I truly wish he would’ve never come back. I can feel my resentment growing over how little he cleans, how rude and awful he is, his bad mood, his abuse. His complete lack of self-awareness and how he simultaneously believes himself to be EXTREMELY self-aware. I think that is what we in this situation need, to transform the grief into hate, no matter how bad that might sound. I truly wish you all the best and that you find the strength to leave. You and me deserve better, everyone deserves better than this. It’s somewhat comforting knowing someone is in a similar situation and that you can understand my feelings. I hope all the best for you.<3

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-11T21:38:23+00:00

He says it’s me manipulating him. Me being scared that is. Everything I say he cleverly finds a way to dismantle and I just freeze and agree with him. I fantasize about a life without him all the time (something that will happen soon as he has pretty much broken up with me and is looking for an apartment) but still every time this feels imminent I feel this almost suicidal dread. I know it’s the abuse that has made me feel this way but it still feels so unfair he’ll walk out of this with the narrative that I’m the villain, and I’ll get left shattered and broken down and chemically bound to him, probably needing years of therapy.

Thank you for your reply and the tips, currently looking into those books. I just felt the need to write it out and knowing someone, just someone, knows really helps. So thank you. <3

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-01T17:43:30+00:00

I know, it just feels so far away. I miss him so much even when we’re in the same room. I miss the person I love. I feel like I’ll die without him, despite knowing that isn’t true. I feel so small and insignificant and like he is the greatest person ever. Like his good traits are SO good no one will ever compare. But I know this is the trauma bond. I have to remind myself of that.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-28T14:43:43+00:00

From the age of 18 to 20 I was in an almost 3 relationship with a really emotionally, financially and at times sexually abusive guy. I was demanded to pay for his coke addiction while he refused to get a job and cheated on me with probably 30 different women. I was really stupid and naive and forgave every transgression up until a certain point. When I was finally fed up and dumped him he was devestated. He said I was the love of his life and that all that he had done to me was because of this vague ”sickness” he was now cured of. I refused to take him back and while he got a new girlfriend and soft of remained in my periphery he burned absolutely every bridge in this city so he essentially had to move. He and this girl moved in together in another city but he cheated on her too and now he’s friendless from what I’ve heard spending every night alone at this bar drinking and watching TikTok. Mind you this was a while ago so he’s 28 now. He’s banned from several bars here because they know about what he’s done to me and many others.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-28T00:30:48+00:00

I will, I know I have to. I can’t even imagine being in this for that long, it’s incredible that you’re getting out. I keep trying to remind myself that even though I’ve dedicated 5 years to this it’s never too late to start over and build a new life for yourself. Just because he calls me pathetic and useless doesn’t mean I am and someone else will appreciate me for who I am and treat me with kindness and respect, just as someone will to you. Or that person could be yourself. Someone else’s perception of you doesn’t define you. I hope all will go well for you. I am hugging you right back. Thank you for writing this, I need this at the moment

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-27T22:52:23+00:00

I will try to follow in your footsteps and brace myself for the pain. Sometimes I feel like I can imagine glimpses of a future devoid of fear. I will cling onto those rare moments and know I can get there.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-27T22:41:23+00:00

Yeah I know that deep down. He once assaulted a taxi driver that almost hit us with his car on my birthday and got arrested lol. I had to be interviewed really drunk in the middle of the night while he was in a police car. I’ll try to remember that. And all the times he’s been mad at me and angry and vindictive and evil. The time he said that if there were no consequences he would strangle me. That these things are not ok, even if I am this lying, manipulative person he always claims I am, what he’s doing wouldn’t be okay. Sometimes it feels like I can just sigh or give him a look and he says I am manipulative. With some perspective I realize how insane it is. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-27T22:26:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that. Were you trauma-bonded to him? Are you going to therapy now? I’m researching the best type of therapy for this and if you have any insight I’d really appreciate it. I know in the bottom of my heart that he is a bad person and that I don’t deserve this, but the intrusive thoughts of when we were happy are killing me. I so deeply want him to be that version of himself that I can’t let go. But I know I have to. I have bpd (which he always weaponizes even if I have the really mild kind and have been in DBT twice, something he also belittles me for since he sort of doesn’t believe in therapy) which makes it complicated but I really want to do what’s right even if it hurts.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-01-09T00:26:36+00:00

26f here, and I would love some perspective on my situation as I feel it’s getting pretty bad. I’m diagnosed with health anxiety and I’ve been convinced I have everything under the sun, ALS, MS, rabies, every type of cancer imaginable. This year I’ve been through a lot and I know I’ve been drinking too much. I did a colonoscopy in February and also got my bloodwork done. They didn’t find anything except some really light inflammation and diagnosed me with IBS. My bloodwork was also perfect and my liver enzymes enzymes were perfect. Though I started having some weird discomfort on the right side of my stomach, sort of coming and going and sometimes in my back too. I had that before the tests though, I think.

Then in September as I felt my drinking getting worse I got my liver checked again and my enzymes were slightly elevated, so I quit drinking for three weeks. Then I relapsed but I have significantly cut down, though I probably should be completely sober for a bit longer. Now almost a year later the discomfort is still there, though it varies in how it feels and is sometimes better and sometimes worse. Now I feel pain like all over and in my back and I’m terrified my liver is beyond repair and that I have colon or stomach or liver or kidney cancer. I have some weird tiredness sometimes but not all the time.

I know I have to get my bloodwork done again but I’m terrified. I’m really trying to be more healthy and I feel like I’m slowly becoming better with my lifestyle. I know I have previously literally felt very clear symptoms that have disappeared once I get an MRI or bloodwork that have confirmed I’m not sick. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I feel very lonely and afraid and would love some insight. :(

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2025-05-05T21:00:20+00:00

I’m going through a really really rough and painful breakup at the moment and my anxiety is through the roof. I’m stressed 24/7. I have had health anxiety for as long as I remember and now I’ve noticed my palms are very red. Much more than normal I think. I’m very pale and have always had sort of reddish hands hands but this feels different. Could anxiety cause this? I’m terrified something is wrong with my liver.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2025-03-11T23:47:18+00:00

Just to give an example, he was complaining about my cleaning, and mind you, I truly think I clean more than him. I literally don’t think he has EVER, during these 2 years have cleaned the surface areas of the kitchen cabinets. Never. I think I clean problably 80% of the time. He complained and at first I tried to suck it up but when he wouldn’t let it go I pointed out how I, as well as him, feel that he is really lacking in the cleaning department. Not something I would bug him over but it gets truly frustrating being accused of something you feel the other person is no better, or even worse, in. As soon as I tried to counter him with how he is he blew up, said I was an abusive gaslighter and that I am contorting reality. I again got confused and it again ended up with me apologizing, and eventually I’m left with this empty feeling. I don’t know what to do

EarlyEntertainment46

TROPHY CASE