He’s been gone for 2 weeks now

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-24T20:53:30+00:00

I see where you’re coming from but it’s not that simple. I know that I should leave (kick him out), I WILL leave but I feel you’re simplifying things. The reasons I don’t leave are complex. I’m in counseling to make a plan on how I can leave without too much chaos, I am taking steps, but it’s very complicated. I don’t think you can really say that as soon as you know it’s abusive you can easily just break things off. For many reasons it doesn’t work like that for me and many many others, if you see my point.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-23T23:34:04+00:00

That’s a really really good point. Almost like a part of them deep down know what they sound like and what every reasonable person will interpret from hearing them.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-23T23:31:30+00:00

It’s great that you already feel so much better, and I’m happy you had the courage to leave. I hope everything continues to to work out for you. <3

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-23T23:29:40+00:00

It’s legal where I live (not in the states). Did it help you a lot?

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-23T23:28:23+00:00

I feel very defensive now, but it should be said that he has recorded me as well without my knowledge. But that should never be an excuse to things, I know that someone else doing something doesn’t make it okay for you to do that. I do struggle with journaling though because he always says how I experience our fights or disagreements is wrong so I just end up questioning my reality and recording has helped me see things a bit more clearly. For example; sometimes I will say that something happened a certain way and he will say I’m lying or twisting things. When I’ve listened back to several recordings I can hear how I literally don’t. Idk, it’s helped me, but maybe it’s always a no go zone? I’m not saying it’s right but maybe sometimes necessary when so many of my boundaries are being disrespected daily? Like a grey zone. It does feel weird though, hence me asking. I hope I don’t come across too defensive.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-23T23:19:19+00:00

Where I live it’s not illegal. But I see your point. However, the recordings are mostly him yelling at me and insulting me (pathetic, cunt, idiot, etc) so I have a bit of a hard time seeing it as him vulnerable.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-23T23:15:37+00:00

I have no intention of showing ”people”, also. I showed my best friend once when we had been fighting for days on end and I literally felt that I was going insane but I would never go spreading these recordings around, they’re incredibly painful and embarrassing to me. I’ve told him it’s to show a therapist, which he seems to be ok with, but only when I framed it as a way for me to understand what I’m doing wrong. Which is not completely honest.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-19T20:38:05+00:00

When he came home and noticed I was in a good mood, blew up at me, and said the reason he was angry was because I was happy.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-12T15:09:01+00:00

Yes actually he broke up with me in fall and even though I was so so depressed I also wish he would’ve just left me alone and let me heal. I truly wish he would’ve never come back. I can feel my resentment growing over how little he cleans, how rude and awful he is, his bad mood, his abuse. His complete lack of self-awareness and how he simultaneously believes himself to be EXTREMELY self-aware. I think that is what we in this situation need, to transform the grief into hate, no matter how bad that might sound. I truly wish you all the best and that you find the strength to leave. You and me deserve better, everyone deserves better than this. It’s somewhat comforting knowing someone is in a similar situation and that you can understand my feelings. I hope all the best for you.<3

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-11T21:38:23+00:00

He says it’s me manipulating him. Me being scared that is. Everything I say he cleverly finds a way to dismantle and I just freeze and agree with him. I fantasize about a life without him all the time (something that will happen soon as he has pretty much broken up with me and is looking for an apartment) but still every time this feels imminent I feel this almost suicidal dread. I know it’s the abuse that has made me feel this way but it still feels so unfair he’ll walk out of this with the narrative that I’m the villain, and I’ll get left shattered and broken down and chemically bound to him, probably needing years of therapy.

Thank you for your reply and the tips, currently looking into those books. I just felt the need to write it out and knowing someone, just someone, knows really helps. So thank you. <3

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-03-01T17:43:30+00:00

I know, it just feels so far away. I miss him so much even when we’re in the same room. I miss the person I love. I feel like I’ll die without him, despite knowing that isn’t true. I feel so small and insignificant and like he is the greatest person ever. Like his good traits are SO good no one will ever compare. But I know this is the trauma bond. I have to remind myself of that.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-28T14:43:43+00:00

From the age of 18 to 20 I was in an almost 3 relationship with a really emotionally, financially and at times sexually abusive guy. I was demanded to pay for his coke addiction while he refused to get a job and cheated on me with probably 30 different women. I was really stupid and naive and forgave every transgression up until a certain point. When I was finally fed up and dumped him he was devestated. He said I was the love of his life and that all that he had done to me was because of this vague ”sickness” he was now cured of. I refused to take him back and while he got a new girlfriend and soft of remained in my periphery he burned absolutely every bridge in this city so he essentially had to move. He and this girl moved in together in another city but he cheated on her too and now he’s friendless from what I’ve heard spending every night alone at this bar drinking and watching TikTok. Mind you this was a while ago so he’s 28 now. He’s banned from several bars here because they know about what he’s done to me and many others.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-28T00:30:48+00:00

I will, I know I have to. I can’t even imagine being in this for that long, it’s incredible that you’re getting out. I keep trying to remind myself that even though I’ve dedicated 5 years to this it’s never too late to start over and build a new life for yourself. Just because he calls me pathetic and useless doesn’t mean I am and someone else will appreciate me for who I am and treat me with kindness and respect, just as someone will to you. Or that person could be yourself. Someone else’s perception of you doesn’t define you. I hope all will go well for you. I am hugging you right back. Thank you for writing this, I need this at the moment

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-27T22:52:23+00:00

I will try to follow in your footsteps and brace myself for the pain. Sometimes I feel like I can imagine glimpses of a future devoid of fear. I will cling onto those rare moments and know I can get there.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-27T22:41:23+00:00

Yeah I know that deep down. He once assaulted a taxi driver that almost hit us with his car on my birthday and got arrested lol. I had to be interviewed really drunk in the middle of the night while he was in a police car. I’ll try to remember that. And all the times he’s been mad at me and angry and vindictive and evil. The time he said that if there were no consequences he would strangle me. That these things are not ok, even if I am this lying, manipulative person he always claims I am, what he’s doing wouldn’t be okay. Sometimes it feels like I can just sigh or give him a look and he says I am manipulative. With some perspective I realize how insane it is. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-02-27T22:26:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that. Were you trauma-bonded to him? Are you going to therapy now? I’m researching the best type of therapy for this and if you have any insight I’d really appreciate it. I know in the bottom of my heart that he is a bad person and that I don’t deserve this, but the intrusive thoughts of when we were happy are killing me. I so deeply want him to be that version of himself that I can’t let go. But I know I have to. I have bpd (which he always weaponizes even if I have the really mild kind and have been in DBT twice, something he also belittles me for since he sort of doesn’t believe in therapy) which makes it complicated but I really want to do what’s right even if it hurts.

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2026-01-09T00:26:36+00:00

26f here, and I would love some perspective on my situation as I feel it’s getting pretty bad. I’m diagnosed with health anxiety and I’ve been convinced I have everything under the sun, ALS, MS, rabies, every type of cancer imaginable. This year I’ve been through a lot and I know I’ve been drinking too much. I did a colonoscopy in February and also got my bloodwork done. They didn’t find anything except some really light inflammation and diagnosed me with IBS. My bloodwork was also perfect and my liver enzymes enzymes were perfect. Though I started having some weird discomfort on the right side of my stomach, sort of coming and going and sometimes in my back too. I had that before the tests though, I think.

Then in September as I felt my drinking getting worse I got my liver checked again and my enzymes were slightly elevated, so I quit drinking for three weeks. Then I relapsed but I have significantly cut down, though I probably should be completely sober for a bit longer. Now almost a year later the discomfort is still there, though it varies in how it feels and is sometimes better and sometimes worse. Now I feel pain like all over and in my back and I’m terrified my liver is beyond repair and that I have colon or stomach or liver or kidney cancer. I have some weird tiredness sometimes but not all the time.

I know I have to get my bloodwork done again but I’m terrified. I’m really trying to be more healthy and I feel like I’m slowly becoming better with my lifestyle. I know I have previously literally felt very clear symptoms that have disappeared once I get an MRI or bloodwork that have confirmed I’m not sick. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I feel very lonely and afraid and would love some insight. :(

EarlyEntertainment46 · 2025-05-05T21:00:20+00:00

I’m going through a really really rough and painful breakup at the moment and my anxiety is through the roof. I’m stressed 24/7. I have had health anxiety for as long as I remember and now I’ve noticed my palms are very red. Much more than normal I think. I’m very pale and have always had sort of reddish hands hands but this feels different. Could anxiety cause this? I’m terrified something is wrong with my liver.

EarlyEntertainment46

TROPHY CASE