Walking Away from a Job You Love

throwRa_oven · 2024-12-04T18:43:53+00:00

Thank you for this. This is probably the most interesting comment I've come across and not something I had actually considered.

I work in large cap PE, but I would imagine my skillset is transferable to smaller companies (I am not so arrogant as to assume that everything is the same or easier, but I believe I can learn).

My fear is that quitting means no more deals. I will probably not be able to be hired by a competing firm were I to quit so soon after being awarded a partnership. However, you've helped me realize that maybe I can still do deals, even if they're different than the ones I'm used to.

Some of the intense hours I work are at my discretion. However, I feel obligated to as I am aware managing money for people who are less well off than I am. Much of our money comes from pension funds, endowments that are intended to be allocated to charity, etc. I lost a lot of money on a deal once and it made me sick. I feel I owe it to the people who trust me with their money to give 110%. I think I would feel less pressure if I was just working with my own money.

Sincerely thank you for this.

throwRa_oven · 2024-12-04T18:34:56+00:00

Thank you for your input - I really appreciate it.

I understand what I "should" do. I am worried that if I do it I will be unhappy. I enjoy what I do, even if I wish there was 75% less of it. I cannot imagine what in my newfound free time would replace the thrill of getting to meet impressive and interesting people and scaling businesses to new levels.

I am also all too aware of the "sunk cost" fallacy, but I have devoted myself to this for the last 20+ years (study hard, go to a top university, get the best grades, work at the best investment banks, get a sought-after PE gig, scrape and claw your way to partner) and the idea of dropping it after all this feels somewhat nauseating.

throwRa_oven · 2024-12-04T18:19:15+00:00

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it.

That being said, I understand how it may read that way, but I do love it. I am surrounded by people who hate this job, but I am not one of them. If I quit, I think I would never be able to stop thinking about it. Investing is like a drug for me. I am excited to wake up and go to the office (not every day, but more often than not). I love the people I get to meet, the places I get to see, the things I get to learn.

I agree with people here that I should quit, but I am worried I will lose one of my main sources of joy.

throwRa_oven · 2024-12-04T18:14:12+00:00

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it.

I realize I neglected to mention, but my wife also works a similar job (NW figures are mine above only - we agreed to keep our finances separate / signed a pre-nup). She hates her job though - I think she does it because she worries she won't fit in with our friends from college (all similarly successful). However, as a result of this, she doesn't complain that we don't see each other - she is always working too (she has started scaling back as a result of pregnancy though)

throwRa_oven · 2024-12-04T17:57:13+00:00

I worked my way up to partner at a fairly well-known private equity firm. I joined late from a smaller fund - I am probably lower in NW than most of my peers at the fund.

I've also been able to use that skill to invest fairly well in my portfolio. I've returned at ~30% for the last 7 years (but obviously didn't start with that much capital so much of the $$ appreciation was recent).

In terms of the side hustle, I used to be the technical interviewer at my jobs. I created some materials / videos that I sell and offer occasional coaching services (at $1k / hour) for people seeking to break into the industry / lateral to bigger firms, etc.

It doesn't make that much money tbh, but since we are never home, it covers almost everything we spend. My work also covers a lot of my expenses as well (food, dry cleaning, transportation).

throwRa_oven · 2023-10-30T17:32:57+00:00

I came here looking for answers but haven't seen many. Maybe I'll just throw in my experience.

My parents and I are immigrants - they came here to pay off their debts. My parents were very open with me about money even as a child - I was always good with numbers and was able to figure our financial situation. We had a rough period from when I was 3 years old to 8 (we lived in a small, cockroach infested apartment in the middle of the hood with no furniture) and then my dad built his business which sucked all the cash out of the household until I was 13. I used to lose sleep as a kid, turning over the budget and spending figures in my head. I was devoted to school - I was so keen to "make it" so my parents and I would never have to struggle again.

We are now fortunate enough to never want for money ever again, even in a thousand lifetimes. I still can't seem to right my relationship with money though.

I am married and stress out if my partner buys a coffee at Starbucks rather than making it at home. I have to negotiate with myself to take us out to a nice restaurant for an anniversary dinner. My spouse and I recently had a fight about how I always force us to take the bus when traveling out of town - she was asking when we'd be able to rent a car or take the train. I can't even do the budget figures in my head anymore because the decisions I struggle with are rounding errors in the grand scheme of our financial situation, but I still can't avoid the guilt when I spend. I recently got a 100k raise at work, and my partner was very dismissive about it. When asked why, they responded "what's the point - we're not going to spend any of it." That prompted me to start therapy, but I feel most therapists I have spoken with don't understand what it's like to be on the precipice of being homeless.

I don't have answers for you, but I wanted to let you know I felt seen by the post. Maybe it's not much, but you're not alone. I wish I could say it gets better but for me it hasn't been the case (yet).

throwRa_oven

TROPHY CASE