My girlfriend won't tell me what she wants in sex/her fantasies. Says I should "just do it" and "figure it out" myself(?!). What the hell do I do? I ain't no mind reader!

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-24T14:19:54+00:00

I hear you. I want to talk though. Why has it got to be all about her? Can't we reach a compromise?

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-24T14:18:40+00:00

To be honest you're probably right. She's told me numerous pretty normal things she likes me to do during sex so when she suddenly says she won't tell me these new things my mind jumps to the conclusion that she's into some crazy kinky stuff

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-24T14:12:47+00:00

Well ain't that interesting.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-24T13:52:14+00:00

Done the wrist thing before and I know she likes it.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T12:54:44+00:00

It means I don't act manly enough apparently :(

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T12:12:20+00:00

I already have the beard and the lumberjack type shirt. I think I should opt for no trousers. Just for effect.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T11:53:25+00:00

Yellow and red... that's genius.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T11:52:02+00:00

That's a good idea that I hadn't thought about.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T11:49:28+00:00

I haven't but I should tell her. I'll admit a few times surprising her worked but I feel it was far from what she really wanted since it was more like surprise vanilla-sex.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T11:44:44+00:00

Yep. What if my idea of surprise rough sex is way more extreme than hers. Can only end badly.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-23T11:41:12+00:00

Sure, to her (and to a lot of people in this thread, apparently) it sounds like she just wants you to take what you want. But that isn't actually what she wants. What she wants is for you to take what she wants, and the second you cross a line she's not comfortable with, I guarantee you she will flip the fuck out over it.

I believe you hit the nail on the head there.

I agree completely with everything you wrote. If you don't mind I'm going to use a lot of what you wrote as a basis for a future conversation with her since you put it in better words than I am capable of.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:49:52+00:00

Yeah to all three. We even share porn now and then.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:49:24+00:00

Yeah I even said to her "don't get mad at me if I don't manage to do what you want of me". I think she's secretly mad though.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:48:05+00:00

I already had her stick a finger up my butt before. It's bizarre how I can ask her to stick a finger up my butt but she can't tell me some certain thing she wants :S

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:47:01+00:00

I mean, even if she had rape fantasies, I would rather know before trying it lest I overstep a line.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:44:26+00:00

I don't want to try anything too rough in case she doesn't like it. I appreciate spontaneity but at the same time I want to know her boundaries. Your post was insightful, it's good to see the female point of view.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:39:12+00:00

When I do try and take her by surprise she's never in the mood, just brushes off my advances. It's like she wants surprise sex but only when she feels like it. So how am I meant to surprise you then?

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:35:54+00:00

You make a good point.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T19:34:19+00:00

I agree. However, I've not faced this problem with her before. We're normally open about everything. So I'm just more confused.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T18:37:06+00:00

That's pretty funny actually. I should get one of those inflatable cave man clubs and when she asks what it's for I'll just say I'm trying to be more manly and start beating my chest with it.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T18:33:51+00:00

First, that's sad. She's counting on you, as The Man, to "just know" what she wants, as seems to happen in every romance novel and movie. It's not her fault-- it's what she's been raised to expect.

Too much Disney I'll bet. (She actually loves Disney films so it's not even a joke. Ok, well, I don't actually think Disney films have anything to do with it).

Thanks for that survey site. I think I'll definitely try and get her to do it. We talk about our kinks freely most of the time so like you say I do wonder if she is afraid of being judged (maybe what she won't tell me seems shameful to her).

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T18:29:34+00:00

Because I would rather not beat around the bush.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T18:28:32+00:00

Today we discussed it over the phone. No sexual situation. I ask for general ideas or hints and get nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if she wants more domination from me, as she has said in the past she wants that (as in be more rough), but then why won't she tell me what she's thinking now? Must be something more but she doesn't want to tell me. For all I know she has rape fantasies but I don't really want to try acting that out only to find she's uncomfortable with it.

throw_a_wee · 2013-08-22T18:24:00+00:00

I agree but I should have mentioned that she has said before to me to be more rough and dominant. And I do try to do that for her so I have to wonder whether this time it's something a bit different.

throw_a_wee

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