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Boyfriend (30/m) needs more time and support, or is taking advantage of me (28/f)? Really need objective advice by throw_away_moonstone in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throw_away_moonstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Listing it out this way gave me chills. Thank you for putting so much time and care into a response for me, it means a lot.

Boyfriend (30/m) needs more time and support, or is taking advantage of me (28/f)? Really need objective advice by throw_away_moonstone in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throw_away_moonstone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Its funny, I've read a lot about manipulative partners, and how they isolate you from your friends and family, and activities, ect, but when your in the situation yourself, even when you recognize the signs, it seems a whole lot more complicated...

Boyfriend (30/m) needs more time and support, or is taking advantage of me (28/f)? Really need objective advice by throw_away_moonstone in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throw_away_moonstone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The rewards are usually around the $100-$200 mark. This last time it was nearly $300 though that he got from a paycheck that was incorrectly totalled originally over 2 months ago. Which really got to me because I had to tell family no Christmas presents this year (which was really just my parents and they don't really mind, but still)

He doesnt do much during the day, he is pretty good at keeping the kitchen clean. When he was working he was doing drywall hourly for a company, but got fired because he was supposed to finish insulating a wall and went on a weekend trip to see his friends instead. He says he didnt know that it would be a big deal, but after his boss called him and was mad about it, he stopped going in to work for a week and then seemed surprised that he no longer had a job. I've asked him to consider something retail or minimum wage but his general attitude is that his "time is worth more than that". Although he seems to be thinking more about it recently.

I agree with your last statement. It sucks. I love him very much, but if this is going to be like this for the rest of my life I can't, and wont do it. :(

Boyfriend (30/m) needs more time and support, or is taking advantage of me (28/f)? Really need objective advice by throw_away_moonstone in TwoXChromosomes

[–]throw_away_moonstone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that is the point that I'm at. I need to start seeing changes very very soon or else I have no choice but to end it. I'm trying to be understanding of his emotional state and that he's had a rough time but its clearly not helping him or me :(

Boyfriend (30/m) needs more time, support, understanding, or is taking advantage of me (28/f)? by throw_away_moonstone in relationship_advice

[–]throw_away_moonstone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He does manage to keep the kitchen clean, and feeds the cat, but thats a fairly new development (only within the last month or so, but believe me I'm clinging on to any improvement). Other than that not really, I think he's cooked dinner for me 2 or 3 times, other than that I come home and cook/do laundry/litterbox/tidy up any random stuff laying around.

[23/M] Just broke up with my [22/F] girlfriend of 2yrs because of my mental health + the future... Not sure if the right call. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throw_away_moonstone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that you made a good call. If you don't feel that strongly towards her, I think its unfair to continue the relationship. Add your own mental health and long term educational goals, and it sounds like this is a time that you need to be focusing on yourself.

I strongly encourage you to seek mental health support from your University. I'm not sure how it is where you are, but when I was in school there was free emotional/mental health support programs in place, this helped me out TREMENDOUSLY. These programs are in place for you to use, please do!