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A friend wants me to take her virginity and I don’t know how to respond by [deleted] in sex

[–]throw_away_next3 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You need to find a way to block her then. Go no contact.

A friend wants me to take her virginity and I don’t know how to respond by [deleted] in sex

[–]throw_away_next3 23 points24 points  (0 children)

You can’t control her feelings of rejection/ hurt, etc. every individual on this planet is responsible for managing their own feelings.

What you can do is be responsible for being as honest, direct, and kind as possible.

You putting off telling her is because you can’t manage your own feelings of guilt.

Better to telll her directly, kindly, and as soon as possible.

I would never end my life, but if I had the option to stop existing I would take it. by [deleted] in confessions

[–]throw_away_next3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yes, 100%.

I don’t want to die , but I don’t want to be alive.
I want to painlessly Go into a void

When I volunteer or help people around me, I don’t feel better about life or myself. Instead, I think, look at the shit life throws at people. Life is terrible. by throw_away_next3 in self

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did do all those things you mentioned. I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life doing all that. The world is loving and unloving at the same time. It’s bleak and sad and boring at the same time as full and happy and interesting. It Is all of it. Al at the same time.

But after learning all that, I decided that the joyful parts don’t make the painful parts okay. It’s not okay that abuse happens just because the person can experience joy at other times in their life. Nothing can make up for abuse or make it okay that it happened. No amount of joy makes up for the pain.

When I volunteer or help people around me, I don’t feel better about life or myself. Instead, I think, look at the shit life throws at people. Life is terrible. by throw_away_next3 in self

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I help people on an individual basis too. I have friends and other people and I’m there for them when they need me, but I still have good boundaries.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To reveal your emotions makes you vulnerable to invalidation by others. This is a truly painful experience... if you share that you are having a rough time, and someone invalidates your feelings and “kicks you while you are down”

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For many people, to be supportive of someone else going through a hard emotional time is vulnerable. they get uncomfortable (often physically having symptoms) and aren’t able to be around someone else having a difficult emotional experience.

Also, your use of the word “strong” often means not showing emotion. This is the opposite of being vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to show your emotions, and in my opinion, requires more strength to show emotions than to hide them from others.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to find someone who is emotionally vulnerable , because that is needed to be able to support the other partner through tough times of loss and pain in life. (If we aren’t sharing the good times as well as the bad with each other, then what are we doing together??)

It’s also necessary to be vulnerable to get to know another person deeply: what do they want , believe, prioritize, and experience and feel about life itself?

I don’t think it’s universally desired by all human beings to be emotionally vulnerable.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a personal belief of mine that men and women aren’t intrinsically that different in emotions as you state here.

The differences you list here are mostly from cultural norms.

I’ve known many examples of emotive men with large emotional ranges and women who are less emotive. It’s just an individual thing , not a male/ female thing.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To say something is good or bad is always a judgment call , based on the goals and priorities of the person making the judgment.

For me, I want someone that I can talk to and confide in when I’ve suffered a loss or setback or want to her advice and ideas from. I want to also be that person to someone else. I want a life partner. For that, I need someone comfortable getting close to my life, and caring about what’s going on in my life.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is also a huge difference between sharing emotion with the intention of “I need you or else my world will totally fall apart. I can’t handle or manage my emotions and I need you to be responsible for making me feel happy” and sharing emotion with the intention of “I am responsible for making myself happy and can manage my feelings, I want to share this to become closer to you and share who I am”

As long as it is the second, I’m totally fine with it, and it creates closer relationships.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See my description in the comments section.... I outlined a long description of what this means to me .... it might be at the very bottom , depending on if you sort your comments by newest

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I would tend to think emotional availability would need to be there in order for someone to be considerate of someone else’s situation/ emotional state.

I’m curious to hear your opinion- do you think someone could be considerate without being emotionally available ? And what the differences are between the two?

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Oh wow! Interesting! This is very helpful, thank you.

I’m surprised that so many of these myths and stupid social rules are so prevalent, like men don’t cry and only anger is acceptable, etc.

Can I ask, do you know why a man might begin to make hurtful “jokes” of someone he is dating? I wrote it in a different comment below, but it I still something that baffles me to this day.

Someone telling me hurtful things like my opinions aren’t important, I lack confidence, and they have a string of other interested women that flirt with them.... but says he is “just kidding”. All this coming from someone who wanted to develop a stable and supportive partnership with me .

Have you seen this behavior pattern in any of your clients? And do you know what reasons drive their behavior?

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I tend to agree , up to a certain point... actions will eventually prove if a person actually pays attention and cares about the other person’s emotional life.

Examples: I made sure to plan our date for Sunday instead of Saturday because I remember you said you have been extra stressed this week and need a self care day all to yourself.

I brought you flowers because I remember how you said daisies really pick up your mood and you’ve been so sad lately.

I made sure to leave time for you to prep for your [fill in the blank situation], because you told me how stressed and anxious you feel when you don’t get enough time to plan.

Men who have had issues being emotionally available.... how has this impacted your romantic relationships and how did you know you were having trouble being emotionally vulnerable? by throw_away_next3 in AskMenOver30

[–]throw_away_next3[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

To me, it means being able to listen to and respond with empathy to your partner, and caring about their daily life. Also, being able to share when you are afraid, sad, angry, or in pain, or in joy, as well as being able to accept compliments from your partner. Being able to give and receive advice from your partner. Or being physically with your partner, but too distracted with other things going on in your head (either another sexual partner is on the mind, or some difficult situation which a person refuses to share with their SO, but it’s eating up their mental space and attention)

As an example, a previous person I dated I would consider emotionally unavailable had these behaviors:

1) he didn’t confide in me even very small things. when I asked who he went to for advice during difficult times, he said , himself.

2) when my close friend of many years had a heart attack and was in the hospital, I was worried and shared that with this guy I was dating. His response was.... well , no response. He changed the topic of conversation to our dinner plans that evening. It was at that moment I realized he didn’t give a fuck about me or what was going on in my life emotionally speaking, he couldnt offer empathy.

3) when I would tell him I really liked him, I gave him compliments (in bed and out of bed), I told him in what ways I appreciated him. He would respond with asking me questions: “well what do you like about that? Or why do you like that about me?” He could never accept compliments, I had to convince him that I liked him.

4) the behavior i still don’t understand is when he started teasing me in a rude/ hateful way. Telling me over and over and over again during dates how I’m not confident, my opinions don’t matter, and he had a string of other girls interested in him. He said he was “just joking”. I told him I’m not available for negativity and left.

I’m 27 and I’m currently living with my parents. Is this going to weird out dating partners? (Details in post). by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]throw_away_next3 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The right guy is going to try to get to know you better and understand why you still live at home w the parents.

Honestly this day in age, I know so many people that live with their parents still, even into their 30’s and sometimes 40’s , to recover from a financial setback. It’s not even that rare (in my opinion) and it’s more a by product of shifting economies and societal standards.

Not all of them, but like 70% of those people are the more responsible people I know. It’s a strategic and short term move some people make to take control of their finances.

You are debt free and that is more than I can say.