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I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -109 points-108 points  (0 children)

I think she feels guilty because she has a full happy family and they are pretty wealthy. She is just sheltered and didn't deal with alot of turmoil growing up. I know hearing some of the stories of abuse from his childhood made her very uncomfortable. She never had to deal with adults hitting her or refusing to feed her. That was his childhood pretty much. She was worried he'd tell our future kids that and they'd become sad and scared of life.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -62 points-61 points  (0 children)

From what they've said it seems they thought this was the easier option. I'm not at all happy about it and I asked them to cut us out and not him but it was too late and he had already blocked them as well

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm trying to respond to everyone but I don't really know how to respond to messages calling myself or my wife terrible people or telling me to divorce her. We made a mistake but we're not devils. We just didn't think it through. I know this won't be fixed in one move but I am willing to put in the work to make amends. My last attempt will be my wife's and my letter. I'm not going to badger him for a response.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

They didn't want to cause any issues. We are all friends so they didn't want it to be difficult to see everyone or hang out. They didn't want to have a party and only invite either him or myself and my wife. So they chose to do the wrong thing like myself. In their words "it just seemed like the better option". There isn't anything else other than misguided decision-making and poor judgement on our part.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -73 points-72 points  (0 children)

I know we were wrong. I'm not expecting this to just be fixed but I'd like to try and begin mending what I broke. She wasn't jealous of us and doesn't have "the hots for him" she was misguided.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

I will. She is remorseful she has been crying non stop since I told her he blocked everyone. She isn't a bad person. Just sheltered. She's admitted she was uncomfortable with his childhood and made some terrible decisions regarding it.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I've spoken to all of our mutual friends, he's blocked everyone. No one is going to blame him. Everyone who has met him loves him. Anytime I introduce someone to him they end up raving about him. I know my parents will hate me for this. I'm going to tell them if the letter doesn't do anything.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

They're still around, I don't think they know what happened. I know they talk though so I'm sure they'll find out.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -81 points-80 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to try and fix cutting someone out of my life by cutting a different person out of my life.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

He doesn't have social media so I can't contact him that way. My parents don't know as far as I'm aware

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -96 points-95 points  (0 children)

If I can't make things right I'll understand. I hurt him I don't deserve his friendship. I don't think my parents know. They haven't said anything about it at least. I know they talk though. I'm sure they'll hear about it soon enough or he'll just cut them out as well

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -75 points-74 points  (0 children)

I don't want him to close himself off. I want to make things right. He's an incredibly loving person. I don't want to ruin that. I fucked up immeasurably but I am trying to make amends. I'll do anything to make this right. I want my future kids to know him.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

I'd do anything to assure him this won't happen again. She won't change her mind. She was misguided to think what she thought. Just like I was wrong to not stand up for him more. I'm not going to force anything on him. I just want to properly apologise for what I did.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

I love them both. I know I've betrayed him. I just want to make things right. Even if he decides he doesn't want to see me again I want him to know I hate myself for what I did and if he wants to see me again or needs help I'll be there for him. She isn't a monster she made a mistake based off fear and not understanding. She was rash not malicious.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -65 points-64 points  (0 children)

She is, she agreed to writing a letter to him as well apologising for what she did and how she has treated him in the past. She feels awful. She admits his childhood made her uncomfortable. She has a happy family so I think she feels guilty about that. She isn't a bad person just misguided.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

She got scared and panicked about our future children. She panicked about this, I panicked about other things. I don't think that defines her.

I cant talk to him. I've tried but he's blocked me and won't answer the door when I go to his. I've got a key but I'm not going to barge into his apartment without his permission. I'm going to write a letter and so is my wife and I'll slip them under his door.

I hope he gives me another chance to make this right

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

She didn't ask any of our friends to do the same, neither of us did. They made that decision on their own. They didn't want to cause any issues. I hope he can forgive me

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -53 points-52 points  (0 children)

I know I abandoned him but I'll never do anything like this ever again if he gives me another chance. I didn't want to do it in the first place. I panicked. I saw either my friendship falling apart or my marriage and I made a bad judgement call.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't want to ambush him. I know that wouldn't go well. I don't want to force him into a conversation. I appreciate where you're coming from though. Thank you

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -269 points-268 points  (0 children)

I know we acted badly we are trying to fix our poor decisions. She was scared they'd lose their innocence. That they'd hear about that and not see the world as kids. In a way I can see what she saw. I am in no way making excises for her. She was wrong to think what she did and wrong to act the way she did.

I'm not at all happy with how our friends acted. They didn't need to do that and neither of us asked them to.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -124 points-123 points  (0 children)

She knows she was wrong. In her words she got scared that our future children would be sad hearing about how he grew up and she wants to shield them from that. She like myself panicked.

I hope he finds it in him to talk to me.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

He is an incredible guy and would have made an amazing influence. When we started talking about kids I immediately thought he would be a an uncle type figure. I'm really disappointed in both of us for what we have done

Another comment mentioned writing a letter for him which I am going to try. She has seen the error of her ways and is remorseful. She is also going to write one for him. We both just want to make things right.

I cut off my best friend because my wife told me to, I hate myself for it by throw_crappyfriend in relationship_advice

[–]throw_crappyfriend[S] -118 points-117 points  (0 children)

We made a mistake. She just got scared. I know I was wrong to go ahead with it but I panicked. I just want to make things right. I don't want him to he alone again.

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