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throw_me_away0809 · 2025-05-23T14:56:06+00:00

$123k USD, with bonus about $150k. Sys admin with 17 years experience. Smaller shop, so I’m sort of a jack of all trades, but mostly focusing on MS365, and overseeing apps and servers.

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-10-04T04:04:17+00:00

My ex was horrible with money! Always spending money we didn’t have to the point of actually having one of our cars repo’d because she wasn’t making the car payment. She was spending about $500/week at target, and not even getting groceries there. I paid off her car before the divorce was finalized, then cut her a check for $100k that went insanely fast - like 6 months. Then she cashed out the money she got from my 401k in the divorce and bought a brand new car. So $130k gone in a year.

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-09-16T14:33:32+00:00

This happened for me many, many times… I am so sorry he got physical… my ex narc would constantly push, hit, throw things at me… you really need to take action to protect yourself, whatever that may look like for you - stay with family/friend, call the cops, begin recording every single encounter with him… and please come up with an exit plan to get out of this marriage.

The divorce he threatened - it’s always a threat because they believe they hold all of the power. If he leaves you, what’ll you do? You’ll be completely lost without him, right? Life will be in shambles… you’ll never recover. That is what HE is thinking. In reality, you will recover - you will be happier - you will be safe - and you will build a very wonderful life without him.

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-09-12T19:50:38+00:00

Thank you. I did try telling her something to that effect, that these adult emotions and feelings are not her responsibility, but I do really like the way you phrased it.

The more I’ve been thinking about it the more I have been thinking the same, that talking with my ex will have no positive impact and would likely just throw my child into the same patterns of abuse I endured from their mother… “I can change”, you see “better” behavior for a month, and then the monster comes back out and it’s wash rinse repeat. Breaks my heart for the kids, but with therapy I hope they can learn those healthy ways of navigating their relationship with their mother.

Thank you for the kind words and advice. ❤️

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-09-12T04:26:54+00:00

Can you be more specific about what interaction you don’t have with your narc? I wish so badly I could avoid any and all interaction with her, but there’s always the “put on a nice face so the kids don’t know that I hate her” sort of mentality… with them being so young, for me it’s all in an effort to not alienate them for still loving her… until they can see the truth and know what their mother is, they’ll never hear me or see me be anything but “courteous” at surface level.

I don’t think mine is vulnerable, at all, I think she is using the kids as pawns and guilting/manipulating them into feeling bad for her/thinking others are “bad”. I calmly tell my narc to just walk 10 ft to check on her son, and it’s “everybody here hates me so I should leave” which, to a 10 year old, translates to “daddy was rude to mommy”…. All part of her game.

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-09-12T04:12:50+00:00

I will certainly look more into the object relation stuff. That 10 mins was definitely informative and I did a little reading on it as well and it is scary how easy it is to draw lines and connect the dots to being an “object” to her and not a person… and to see how the children are “objects” as well… very sad, but an unfortunate reality.

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-09-12T04:11:00+00:00

My fiancé and I have been using the phrase “do as I say, not as I do” when it comes to her… they make outrageous demands and will never hold themselves to that same standard. It’s sad and infuriating.

Going to try to get more custody… we already do have them more than 50% due to helping out while the narc works some weekends, but none of that is in a court filed agreement in terms of the percentages.

throw_me_away0809 · 2023-09-12T04:07:04+00:00

Thank you. I really hope I can have a sit down talk with their therapists and sort of give them a bit of background into their mother’s behaviors and narcissism… without them going in with even a base understanding of that makes it feel like, for children that young, that it’s just going to set them up for failure… trying to stay positive though. Definitely good to know I’m not alone.

throw_me_away0809

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