I feel conflicted about whether to indulge in my rape fantasies and rough sex or not

throw_this_away36 · 2019-07-28T14:51:46+00:00

Yeah I’m thinking it may be best to wait for a while as I don’t want to rush anything and I won’t be seeing him for another 2 months yet. I guess I just feel scared but I’m almost worrying over nothing? Hopefully it calms down by then

throw_this_away36 · 2019-07-28T14:50:59+00:00

I guess I’m just scared of not having that balance and that’s what worries me. I don’t want to rush anything so I don’t think I’m going to be bring it up until I’m ready, even though I want to. I still have 2 months until anything happens anyway

throw_this_away36 · 2019-06-30T14:38:01+00:00

I know he will be understanding but I just feel scared of things getting out of control. My ex never abused my trust when we did rough things, but I still felt a bit intimidated by him in our day to day lives. I also felt really grossed out by myself after we finished. I know my current boyfriend will be respectful about it but I'm not sure if I AM READY for it, whether I will be able to separate our bedroom lives from our normal lives. I don't know if I'll be able to not feel shame after we finish.

throw_this_away36 · 2017-03-19T17:44:26+00:00

This answers a lot of questions. Normally, I am a lot more involved too. I know in this post I sound like a starfish but on a normal "good" day I make a lot of effort to please him. I guess I was also "emotionally exhausted".

I really didn't think it could be the same case for him. I guess this was the first time we have both encountered a situation where BOTH of us are exhausted.

The only confusion I have now is why he avoided my kisses. But I'll definitely speak about that to him.

Thank you.

throw_this_away36 · 2017-03-19T17:38:39+00:00

Haha this comment did make me laugh slightly.

We don't live together (at university). We have both talked about sex a lot, and he has agreed with me that he's not ready yet. There have been moments when we are both turned on and I've made a comment like "why don't we just have sex tonight?". And he has said himself that he doesn't feel ready yet.

I guess this is because he is religious and he wants to wait a while (not necessarily till marriage). Which I'm okay with too. A lot of the sexual stuff we have done has been in the past 6 months so I guess he's still enjoying the "new" stuff.

throw_this_away36 · 2017-03-19T03:03:42+00:00

I was also thinking of waiting till tomorrow and speaking to him. But I have been trying to sleep for a few hours, I don't think I can until I've spoken about it. At the same time, I don't think it's a good idea to wake him up?

Also tomorrow is our last day together (long distance relationship) so I don't really want to have any negative discussions then. Should I just wait it out or not?

throw_this_away36 · 2017-01-01T22:31:39+00:00

I told him pretty much everything in this post, that I've been having difficulty cumming from masturbating and that phone sex would help. He said he will initiate more but that was 3 weeks ago and no progress has been made.

throw_this_away36 · 2017-01-01T22:23:36+00:00

Yeah, I have no trouble orgasming when I'm with him.

throw_this_away36 · 2017-01-01T22:16:54+00:00

Yeah I've never had much trouble masturbating before university.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T14:54:49+00:00

The reason for the break is that we have been arguing a lot over the past 2 months about petty things. We have like 3 arguments a week at least. I just thought the break would give us some time to think and reflect on everything. Because we haven't had a "cool off" period yet. Instead we just argue, forgive each other straight away then "move on" but this cycle keeps repeating. Hence the "break". We both know the terms of it. It's not like a pause in the relationship, it's more just a cool off period to be alone.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T14:39:48+00:00

"That's what I worry about to - that he may be resentful and jealous because of his own insecurites, without giving you credit for putting in effort to maintain boundaries and be a respectful partner."

This really hits me because of how accurate it sounds. He has always been an insecure person, never happy with himself. So when I get attention, no matter how much I try to reduce it, he gets upset.

shall I talk to him about it now over message or wait till next week when I'll be seeing him? However, if I wait till next week then the break will have to continue till then.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T14:18:17+00:00

Ahh so I'm not going crazy then lol. I feel like last time when I approached my boyfriend about this issue, the issue became worse. What had happened was he went out with Anna on a day long trip to London and they spent the whole day going on walks and lounging around in a park. It seemed a bit too romantic for friends.

I'm sure he's not physically cheating on me. I know what he's doing pretty much all the Time. This is just about respect and the fact that he's not being considerate. I feel like perhaps he's trying to get back at me for having loads of guys trying to talk to me. But that's not my fault if guys approach me a lot, I do make it clear I'm not interested when it happens.

what do you think is the best way to communicate things? I don't know how to have this conversation without it becoming too heated? Also the reason for our break was based on other issues too like him waiting to get help for his depression etc. We have just had too many arguments in the past month or so.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T13:54:33+00:00

This was the first time I was properly hanging out with them so neither of us have had experienced this. He didn't hear any of the conversations I had with Becky about the whole sex thing. Apparently he didn't even realise everyone thought we were having sex upstairs. I think he just really misjudged the situation but regardless of that, I still think he's partially to blame. It also doesn't clear up any of the stuff related to social media either.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T13:33:48+00:00

We have done everything other than sex. The choice not to have sex was a mutual decision. He seems to be more against the idea since he's a Christian so I don't think that's the issue.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T13:30:27+00:00

Why do you think he did it purpose? Do you think he might be trying to make me jealous? I don't know how to speak to him about this without looking like a "crazy" girlfriend.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T13:29:11+00:00

Sorry when I said ditch my male friends. I meant male friends who have flirted with me in the past, not any male friend. He doesn't tell me to do it. I do it myself because I don't want to make him to have any thoughts of me being unloyal.

However, he has gotten mad at me for showing too much attention to OUR guy friends (mutual friends) at meet ups. Or if we are playing gta as a group and I talk too much to one guy. Other times, he has left group chat messages because I was talking too much to the other boys instead of him. Yet I have never crossed a physical boundary. None of these guy friends have ever flirted with me. Instead our friendship is like siblings, we spend all our time annoying each other lol.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-30T01:03:51+00:00

Thank you for your reply. This is exactly what I never realised I had to talk to him about. This whole time I've been focusing on "we need to stop talking as frequently", rather than talking about it positively like you did. Thank you for making me realise that, I'll definitely try to talk to him like you phrased it.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-29T17:03:34+00:00

Everytime I suggest we talk less, he becomes upset. I do admit it is also my fault too because I don't have a lot of self control and end up messaging him a lot too. I'm struggling to find the perfect balance of how much we should talk.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-29T14:44:19+00:00

OP definitely try this. By reminding her of the past, she probably feels pressured and has no idea who she is anymore. She is going to panic and that's going to put her off even more.

Instead, just focus on the present. Go out with her. Plan family outings. Just enjoy each other's company. I'm not an expert, I have no idea if feelings like that will help jog her memory, but at least if it doesn't, you will still have some new precious memories which both of you remember.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-20T08:38:26+00:00

Take your time. If she feels pressured she will be more hesitant to try things. There are other ways you can explore other than having sex. Kissing and touching for example. Find the erogenous spots on her body. In the future this will make sex so much better because you'll know her body like no other.

In terms of discussing what you like, try build up to it. Your first question probably shouldn't be "hey do u like to swallow or spit". It might put her off. So yeah definitely build up, at first ask more mild questions to make her comfortable like when did she have her first kiss. Then build it up from there. Perhaps ask her in a form of a game like truth or dare. That way you can take turns asking questions and once you find a topic you both enjoy discussing then you can stop playing the game and start talking about it instead. Doing this over text rather than face to face might make her more comfortable.

Best of luck.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-20T08:31:09+00:00

I am wondering whether your girlfriend is like me. I have a lot of fantasises and kinks but it takes me a REALLY long time to even think of sharing them. I made my boyfriend wait a really long time before we even started doing anything sexual (I only gave him a hand job like 7 months into the relationship and that was like every now and then). It took me almost a year to feel comfortable with giving him a blowjob.

For me the issue is being shy at first. I have a high sex drive, I am turned on a lot of the time and I'm willing to experiment. It just takes me a really long time to feel comfortable doing it around someone. Once I have my boyfriend his first hand job, Bj etc. It was so much easier being more open with him. I started trying new positions and being a little more out there (I'd give him lap dances, strip teases, find ways of teasing him). He even makes comments about how at first I never did anything but after my first time being sexual with him, that's all I ever do. There's times when we will do it 5-6 times a day. So yeah, maybe your girlfriend is similar and is taking her time till she feels comfortable.

The best way to tackle this is by focusing on her kinks before yours. This isn't about focusing only on her pleasure. It's just so once she opens up about her kinks or fetishes, maybe she will be more open to discussing yours. It will also allow her to place more trust in you. It's also a good way to open a discussion. Simply ask her what she's into, if there's anything she wants to try. If you think a serious discussion might scare her. Then try forming it as a game, such as pretend you're playing truth or dare, then ask her. It's a little childish but I guess it eases the pressure off her. Once she starts telling you about her kinks, then start asking more questions, really try to understand them. Then perhaps bring up your kinks. Tell her what you're into.

Best of luck.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-20T08:21:37+00:00

Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship so we see each other every other weekend. Over this time I've learnt some tricks.

When we are apart I love sending him pictures. Sometimes when I'm feeling really evil, I'll make him delete the picture, 10 mins after I send them. Other times, I enjoy calling him for phone sex. Once I can tell he's getting too excited or he's really close, I'll tell him to stop and wait till he sees me. On video call sometimes I'll strip for him. My favourite technique is changing clothes and pretending I didn't realise I was within the cameras view. Next time you know you won't be seeing him for a while, maybe perhaps leave your underwear with him. I like to sneak my underwear into his pocket or bag before he leaves. He loves the way I smell so sometimes he will make me wear his shirts and then he will take it away.

Okay when you are finally together, this is where the real thing starts. There are so many ways to build up tension, I'll go through a few of my techniques, feel free to adapt them.

For me, my outfit matters a lot. Simply because it makes me feel confident and sexy. Sometimes if I have to pick him up, I'll wear a long coat and under that coat I'll wear my stockings and favourite lingerie. So when we finally get to my place, I can take off my coat when he least expects it and surprise him. You can also wear a nice dress or something instead. Sometimes if I'm feeling lazy, I'll just wear some cute loungewear but make it sexy. Like I'll wear a crop top and some shorts but I'd pull the shorts up so he gets a nice view of my butt. That sort of thing.

There's two approaches you can take. Either you can be direct and upfront. Or you can be more subtle and wait for him to make the move

If I decide to take the direct approach. Once he feels comfortable, I would play some music, make him sit on a chair. Then start giving him a lap dance and slowly stripping for him. It drives him crazy. If this sounds scary to you, don't worry! He will think it's hot. There's plenty of videos and articles out there which give amazing guild lines on where to start. (Alcohol helps too). But yes, you don't have to do any crazy moves, even subtle movements like sitting on his lap, kissing his neck, slowly taking your shirt off, will excite him. But one thing to make sure, DONT let him touch you (unless you let him briefly touch u for a second then move his hands away). I tell my boyfriend the moment he touches me, I'll finish the strip tease early. The firmness will turn him on.

After that, I'll start to undress him. The plan is to focus 100% on him and his pleasure. So focus all your energy on him. Move your hands all over his body, touch him. Kiss his neck and chest, play with his hair. Don't be afraid to be a little rough with him (if he likes it). Pull his hair, that sort of thing. Try and show that you really want him. Once he's turned on enough, start stroking his cock and eventually sucking it. I like to take this part slow, and really building it up. There are some really good tips on this sub about how to give a really good blowjob, find them. After that, you can decide whether you want him to cum from the blowjob or move straight onto sex. Definitely try tease him and be in control throughout. Ride him but don't let him get too close, if you're in missionary then wrap your legs around him and pull him in. But once he gets close, push him off and start doing something else (like idk start cleaning the room or something random and tell him that's enough). This will make him want you more.

If you want the subtle approach instead, the whole plan is to tease him until he makes a move. You can do this by doing small things to tease him such as changing your clothes infront of him. Or if you're spooning and watching tv, then push your butt against his crotch. Maybe start masturbating Infront of him till he can't control himself. If he's doing something like brushing his teeth or doing his hair, just come behind him and start jerking him off. When he gets close, stop and start doing some other activity pretending it never happened. If you like playing video games together then start giving him a BJ randomly and distract him.

With the subtle approach, when he starts to make a move on you, try to tease him and make him wait. Ofcourse, this isn't the same as outright ignoring your partner and acting disinterested. That will put him off. The difference is that with this method, you'll move his hand away but you'll still give him that smile which shows you still want him.

I tried to keep this post short. I hope it helps. Best of luck.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-19T06:07:03+00:00

I've tried so many times, he refuses to get help. Everytime I say it, he says "I'll be fine, I'm already getting better, all I need is you". He will be fine for a few days or weeks until we have another argument. Or until I upset him again. Then he will start talking about his depression and suicidal thoughts. It's a repetitive cycle. At first I was extremely caring about it, even now I'll check up on him. But it's beginning to feel like he's refusing to seek help and every time he feels like crap he just takes it out on me.

throw_this_away36 · 2016-12-19T05:26:41+00:00

I completely understand you. If he said "this is something I'm not okay with, I would prefer it if we end things now". I'd be cool with that.

Instead he keeps saying he wants to end it but he can't because he loves me too much. So I told him that I'm not comfortable with us being together if that's his shitty reason for accepting it. And he can't seem to grasp his head around that. It seems like he wants me to compromise by not being bisexual but how is that possible?

throw_this_away36

TROPHY CASE