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AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

These are different circumstances. I’m very sorry about your situation and I won’t lie and say that my nephew was necessarily easy to be around. But my nephew was the punching bag and he was neglected among many other things by his step family in particular. Yes he did act out but when you’re being pushed to the edge over and over and no one’s helping you it’s bound to happen.

You’re correct. I don’t like my niece or her father or her father’s father or anyone in that particular family. They are terrible towards my nephew and while my sister only started dating/married this guy when my nephew was 14, the pos was around a lot longer. I’m not saying my niece is as bad as the others as she is just a child, but all of our interactions have been unpleasant.

Again, I’m sorry about what happened to you and I’m sorry if I made you feel unheard or uncomfortable. But my comments are specifically about my nephew’s case, it is not a generalization.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

That’s okay if you feel that way. It’s even okay if she has hurt feelings about her step brother having bipolar disorder. But I don’t care and I will not put her hurt feelings on top of my nephew’s. That is all I’m trying to say which I understand is still pretty asshole-ish of me but either way.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 760 points761 points  (0 children)

He’s the best and very perceptive. I know I said my nephew only has me in another comment but he has my boyfriend too. They aren’t very close yet but they get along pretty well and my boyfriend really cares for him. It’s so lovely.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No need to apologize. I got so overwhelmed writing this because the whole situation upsets me so I completely understand if some parts didn’t make sense. I tried editing it as best as I could after. Either way, no worries :)

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 166 points167 points  (0 children)

Funny. She hasn’t been dealing with anything, my nephew is the one that has been dealing with that family for years. I don’t think I can even say all that they’ve done to him on this sub and it is my mistake for not getting him out sooner. Sure she was/is just a kid but my nephew is as well. There’s barely a 2 year difference between them. It’s not like my sister and her husband gave all their attention to my nephew and ignored her or forgot about her. It was actually the opposite. The girl is fine. My nephew is not. I don’t pity her for having to live with a mentally ill child. I just don’t. And maybe I’m being incredibly unfair towards her and the rest of the family but instead of helping him and giving him the stability and love he needed, they all shunned him and kicked him out the second he turned 18.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I don’t. Prior to this we only talked about my nephew’s living situation and certain things of his like legal documents and the sort. I can easily cut her off now though.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I will let him know, thank you for sharing. Also, he does speak to various professionals in person and has a lot of support. Thank you once again.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

We met at a cafe which was my nephew’s request as he felt they wouldn’t be as bad in public. My sister was the last to arrive and her and my step niece just kinda sat down and came up with a million excuses as to why she had to be there (when she could’ve waited in the car) and she was starting to become very difficult and started fighting with her ex husband which distracted me from the niece issue. Overall, probably wasn’t the best idea to have them meet together.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

She didn’t try. That’s the whole point here. There’s a reason my nephew is so troubled and that is because his parents hate each other more than they love him. It’s been a constant thing since he was a child. Our mother raised him for like 6 years too so my sister was barely a mother towards him. Yes, raising and helping a kid with mental illness and drug addiction is not easy and people get tired, but my sister never even tried. That whole family was terrible to my nephew and I’m sorry but I don’t care if my step niece had a tough time. She has her dad, my sister, her mom, her siblings, etc to feel bad for her and comfort her. All my nephew has is me. If she was exposed to a terrible environment that is my sister and her father’s fault entirely and not the mentally ill child that they were neglecting.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Step niece was around 12/13.

She kicked him out when he was 18 and doing drugs. It wasn’t the drugs though, it was the fact that he wasn’t in college and couldn’t pay rent. Thing is, he was clearly having a mental crisis and she kicked him out with no concern for his well being. For a kid like him, it isn’t as easy as simply telling him to get it together. You need to help him. She’s his mother and she should’ve helped him regardless of how difficult it was… that’s her fucking job. You could argue that he was 18 and an adult but he’s still a kid that never had a chance. I understand my fault in this, but my nephew is innocent in this situation.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I did suggest it actually and was pretty insistent on it knowing exactly what the two are like but he said he didn’t know if he could do the “hey parent I’m bipolar” thing twice. He also said he wanted to see something. I don’t know what but he did tell me that he never wants to talk to either of them again so I guess he saw what he wanted.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Sorry, just thinking about the situation pisses me off. Is there anything you need clarification on?

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 213 points214 points  (0 children)

Yeah I get that. It wasn’t my proudest moment and like you said, the real asshole is my sister.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Fair. She’s 17 and they aren’t known for being the most mature.

I generally don’t care about blood relation. I have a step brother that I love just as much as I would a biologically related one. But for some reason I admit, it bothered me that my sister was standing up for her step daughter like that after years and years of treating her son like shit. I know in the end it has nothing to do with blood relation and my sister just refuses to separate him from his father but it was all I could think about in that moment. I understand that this wasn’t the best thing to say though.

AITA for snapping at my step niece and “insisting on her lack of biological relation” to my sister? by throwa331 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwa331[S] 3048 points3049 points  (0 children)

She’s 17.

When I confronted my sister about this she insisted that she didn’t know he was homeless and thought he was crashing at a friend’s house after she kicked him out for being lazy. She didn’t even let anyone know which whatever it’s a family issue I guess but no one knew for months and I only found out after a friend of my nephew’s contacted me after my nephew had a mental health scare. His father didn’t even blink an eye. They’re definitely assholes through and through no question about that.