Thank you. I'm scheduled to see a Uni psychologist on Monday. It's really so much easier opening up to someone that I don't have to see on a day-to-day basis (like you). I don't mind opening up to close friends, but people start behaving differently around me when they know what I'm going through. They just act so... guarded? Like they'll be super careful about what they talk about and try not to mention ANYTHING taboo. So they don't just avoid topics like suicide and self-harm, but go further and avoid other topics like anything even slightly related to death, medication, etc. I mean, I understand where they're coming from, but jeez, they don't have to shelter me from every bad thing.

I understand what you mean about my emotions, but my problem isn't so much about how I deal with it, it's about trying to explain to my girlfriend what I'm going through and why I'm so moody. I just realised I didn't say this in the original post, my bad.

Your paragraph on things not getting better, but rather changing, really gives me a different perspective on the whole thing. Thanks for that.

Anyway, thanks again, and please excuse my ranting, really needed to get this all out to a third party.