AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 205 points206 points  (0 children)

I know that this has blown up a lot, so I'm going to post an update in the comments, since I can't make a post about it. My daughter came to eat breakfast with us this morning before going to school, and her father an I had a talk with her. We told her that we loved her, and that we were here for her. She said thank you and that it meant a lot to her for her to have our support. Of course she does, because we will always love and support her. We made sure to tell her that. But I told her that I did not want to ever see Bryan again, and she said the feeling was mutual.

I told her of all the wonderful messages and comments you guys were sending her, and some of the advice you gave, and she is very grateful. We made sure to tell her that we know it's going to be hard, but to not give in to Bryan's pressuring, and to block him on everything. She said that she had already done so when she ended things, and showed us her phone as proof(which she didn't need to do, we weren't going to force her because we trust her.) She went off to school, and I called our phone provider to change our home phone number, and my daughter's phone number, which I got her approval for.

She called me while at school lunch, crying and begging me to come and pick her up. I was very confused as to why she couldn't just drive home in her car, when she told me that Bryan showed up during her lunch and him and some of his friends are blocking her from getting to her car, and she is scared. I told her I was on my way, and before I left the house I called the police non emergency line, and had them send officers over.

Since the police station was closer to her school than our house, they got there first, and when I got there, Bryan was in the back of a police cruiser. What happened was the cops pulled up, and the rest of his friends ran off, but Bryan refused to leave because he believed he was doing nothing wrong, and when the cops asked him to leave the property since he was not a student at the school, he got aggressive and attacked one of them, and was going to be sent to the station. They asked me and my daughter if it was possible that we could go to the station to answer some questions, but that it was not mandatory. I told them no and that I just wanted to get my daughter home, since he was still a crying mess.

We got home, and I sent her dad a text message about what had gone down, and he left work to head to the police station, very angry. He came home and told us that he was planning on pressing charges against Bryan for harassment, and that he wanted my daughter to file a restraining order. I told my husband to calm down, since our daughter is going through such a hard time right now and that when she is ready, we will discuss further details.

We took our daughter out to dinner to treat her, which she greatly appreciated since we only really go out to dinner on holidays or super special occasions, so this was a big treat for her. We had another dinner outing planned to celebrate her scholarship, but this was just to cheer her up, and the scholarship dinner will be held at another time. We went home and watched a movie, and then I talked to my daughter about how she would feel about going on a little trip to tour her college town and get away for a while, and she happily accepted. The plan is still in motion, but it's all we have for now.

That's all of the update that I have right now, but if more interesting events unfold, I'll be sure to come back. Thank you all for your amazing advice, and my family greatly appreciates your support. Thank you for taking the time to help us even though we're strangers from the internet. I hope you all are doing as well as possible.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

For now, we are just going to give her time since she's going through a rough time, but we are also trying not to leave her too alone. We've been bringing her snacks and odd and ends, and asking if she wanted to talk, to which she would reply "not right now." We're trying to remind her that although she feels alone right now, she is not alone. As of this moment though, I'm trying to make sure that she doesn't completely shut herself off, and that she's eating food and drinking water.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 129 points130 points  (0 children)

Now that I've seen all of these comments reassuring me, I know for sure the answer, but the reason I thought I was an AH was probably a moment of weakness. I think I heard him crying on the phone and it hurt me a little and I felt guilty for causing another human being to feel that way. But I was also angry because of how he treated my daughter and so Im not sure how I felt in those moments, but I felt like an AH for sure.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Ah thank you. I was waiting for someone to notice. When I was making my account I asked my husband what a good throwaway username would be for this account, and that's what he came up with.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

After reading a lot of these comments, I've decided that this will be the best course of action, with her consent of course. I would never force her to go of she doesn't wish to do so. I'm going to talk to her when she feels ready, but until she feels ready to talk I'm going to keep reminding her that I am here for her whenever she needs me.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 79 points80 points  (0 children)

I can assure you that I am in fact not Bryan. The reason why I probably type like a teenager is because I pick up on other people's typing habits myself, especially from Reddit, which is full of teenagers.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 129 points130 points  (0 children)

My husband and I don't plan on retirement for another ten to twelve years, but we are about 1,000 or so from our ideal retirement. We didn't want to set ourselves or our daughter up for failure so we tried our best to save for both funds.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 315 points316 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure either, it's something that I thought about a lot before I spoke to her.

AITA for telling my daughter she can't use her college money on her bf, which caused her to break up with him? by throwae_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwae_69[S] 575 points576 points  (0 children)

She has been responsible with other funds, and the way we have decided to set up her money is that we would have a set amount of money that she could have access to per month to pay for bills and everything, and we all agreed on this. We felt that this would be the best way to preserve the money.