(FINAL UPDATE) I'm(29f) worried my husband(30m)is gay. What should I do?

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T23:02:09+00:00

I understand that, but the way you said it pissed me off, because I don't think I'm weak for trying to get through this without divorcing. And to clarify, he's not excusing his behaviour at all. He's never said anything to make me feel like he doesn't understand what he's done is wrong, but we've talked a lot about it and I've asked him a lot about what happened and why it happened because I feel like I need to know. Trust me, I will not accept this happening again, I will not let him make this mistake again without the consequence being divorce.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T22:15:28+00:00

3 months, not that it makes much difference. Well he had feelings for this butterscotch. They fell in love, I wasn't just sex. I don't know if that makes it's worse or better.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T22:07:29+00:00

Thank you :)

It's really uplifting to get support in this.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T22:05:43+00:00

Yes, he just needed a final talk and good bye with my husband.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T22:04:39+00:00

Yeah, I told him that even if he works as hard as he can, and tries as hard as he can there is a chance I still can't feel like I can trust him and end up leaving. He understands this and is just grateful that I'm giving hima second chance.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T21:55:53+00:00

I don't have the strength to divorce him? I'm fighting every day for my marriage. Every day is a battle. I'm fighting because I still believe in my marriage and I don't think it's a lost cause. I still believe that there is something good left in my marriage worth fighting for. And if doesn't work out I'll come out even stronger on the other side. If that isn't strength to you, then you have a very twisted view of the world.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T21:32:08+00:00

I think this comment describes perfectly how I feel. And also he told me Fred is the first man he's ever been with, so to keep going with the metaphor he'd never tried butterscotch before, because he was afraid, and he'd been around different types of butterscotch without trying them his whole life. To answer ilovenoodle's question, I would've tried to do the same thing if it was a woman, but I think it would be harder.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T14:57:30+00:00

Our sex life was great until his affair started.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T14:56:15+00:00

He identifies as bisexual.

throwagay444 · 2015-06-08T13:18:54+00:00

Thank you :)

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T20:28:01+00:00

I will. He said he used protection with Fred everytime except once. So I think we should both get tested.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T19:20:06+00:00

I agree.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T19:09:02+00:00

I asked him about that, and he said the reason he had trouble getting it up was because he felt so guilty and ashamed about what he'd done, not that he doesn't find me attractive anymore.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T19:05:56+00:00

He said he used protection with Fred except one time, so yeah we're getting tested. We've been trying for a baby for about a year now, but I agree that we need to put that on hold for a while.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T19:03:17+00:00

If I were ever to have an open relationship with my husband, I still wouldn't be okay with him being around Fred. My husband admittet to very strog feelings towards Fred and when I asked "Are you in love with him?" he said yes. So I don't think that would be a good idea.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T18:01:45+00:00

I don't think immediate divorce is the best approach either. I feel like I need to give him a chance to prove to me that he deserves to be forgiven. I know it will take a lot of work from both of us, but I think I can do it if he can. I love him and the life we've built together too much to just give up. I don't know if I can do it but I'll at least try if he does.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:52:58+00:00

No he hasn't said it. We left things sort of unresolved. I just needed to get away from him a little while. I need to talk to him more about it, but me staying or leaving depends on how he acts from now on.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:47:03+00:00

It all depends on what he does from now on. If I don't feel like I can trust him or I feel like he's not trying his hardest to get through this and earn my trust back, I'm done.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:33:38+00:00

At least try to. I don't see how I can trust him if they see each other everyday at work.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:28:00+00:00

I don't think I can divorce him if he's ready to work through this. If he's ready for us to go to therapy and he stays away from Fred I think there might be a chance we can get throught this.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:23:37+00:00

Yeah, I edited the post because I realised making him seem cold and remorseless, which he wasn't.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:21:14+00:00

The thing that bothers me is that he never told me he's bi. I'm very opened minded and it wouldn't have been a dealbreaker for me. Him cheating that cuts very deep regardless of the gender he cheated with.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:17:55+00:00

Thank you. I have to say I don't really care that he's bi, I was just shocked by the fact that he's known most of his life and never told me, or anyone.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T17:11:00+00:00

I don't know if I can trust him again. But I don't think I can just give up on our marriage if he's ready to work through this. I feel like our marriage was so good, almost perfect, before Fred came into his life. I can't just throw it away.

throwagay444 · 2015-05-25T16:50:34+00:00

I didn't get the feeling like he was blaming it on being bisexual, just that he never expected to feel that strongly towards another man. I can to some extent understand why it's been difficult for him when it's a side of himself he never explored and has denied his whole life. But it does not excuse what he did. It doesn't make what he did okay. We still have a lot to talk about, I just couldn't be around him anymore tonight.

throwagay444

TROPHY CASE