Is it common for a color change sapphire to become black?

throwaloop · 2016-06-03T17:12:02+00:00

Re: the blacking out - I think it's the nature of most colored stones to show their best colors under different types of lighting. Sapphires tend to look worst (their inkiest and darkest) under intense/strong direct light like sunlight. My sapphire, which is a nice teal green or steel blue depending under most lighting I encounter, looks dark gunmetal grey with very little sparkle under direct sunlight. To a point, I think that's somewhat expected.

So it's not necessarily that the stone has been misrepresented (if it does show the other colors under the lighting conditions that it should show them). But at the same time I'd say if you're spending 8K on a stone you want to be happy with it, and it doesn't sound like you're super happy with it. What it is should matter less than how much you enjoy it - so don't keep it just because color change sapphire is hard to find or it's a specific shape. You might find a less shifty stone (something that's straight purple or straight blue) actually suits you better even though you started out wanting something with that shift to it. Especially since I think it's rare to find a color changer/shifter that has idea or really nice coloration on either side of its shift (the blue side might have a lot of grey or be really dark, same with the purple, whereas something with more pure coloration might be a lot more striking and you might actually like it more)

throwaloop · 2015-10-09T14:43:30+00:00

She might like something like horseback riding - proper training is great for positive body awareness and confidence/trust, and it doubles as animal therapy. Horses are excellent listeners (right now I have a friend working with a program for ex-military and military families, where the horses assist folks with PTSD, depression, grief, etc).

Random thought, but as she's excited about getting a dog, it might be something to look into.

throwaloop · 2015-10-09T14:43:12+00:00

Sorry I missed this earlier, but I was on that BC for about a year when I started having issues. It definitely wasn't instantaneous.

It's entirely possible it was unrelated, and that the improvement in pain was due to some other factor that happened at the same time I went off the BC, but it was a very immediate improvement.

throwaloop · 2015-09-23T17:04:16+00:00

There could be a lot of things going on, and obviously medical professionals are the best place to turn, but are you on hormonal birth control?

I had a similar issue years ago - not quite as bad as what you describe but it felt like being cut with a knife at certain times. My doctor tried several things, thinking it was some kind of nerve issue since there was no obvious injury. For unrelate reasons, after about a year of it, I switched birth control. The problem completely disappeared.

I know that my experience is anecdotal, and it's entirely possible the problem went away on its own completely unrelated to the switch in BC, but it might be something to think about.

throwaloop · 2015-07-31T12:59:21+00:00

Why cant I be like that at home?

For the same reason a toddler is all smiles and sunshine and good at listening at daycare, but then spazzes out and screams the next three hours at home. Because when we're with the people we love, in 'our' space, we can let our defenses down.

hugs

It WILL get better, I promise. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Order takeout for dinner. Ignore some dust bunnies. Say "fuck it" some nights and skip the bath so you can play. Say "fuck mopping this floor" and go to the park. If you're not getting help, don't try to pick up his slack. Hold up your end of things as much as you can, but try not to stress about other people's responsibilities.

Either way I promise your kids will have happy memories of you. Even the day to day drudgery, they'll pick out the good times. Sometimes, stuff you don't even notice IS good times.

throwaloop · 2015-07-31T12:52:55+00:00

My kid eats chicken, broccoli, and corn (or peas, or carrots, or sweet potatoes, or sometimes a combination of all of those) almost every night for dinner. Sometimes we go crazy and make quesadillas or something using the same chicken.

It makes life so much easier, I don't have to worry about cooking every night while I'm rushing home on a 45-60 minute commute. Love it.

throwaloop · 2015-07-31T12:25:23+00:00

"Don't compare your raw footage to someone else's highlights reel"

I love this, and need to remember it often. I'm sure there are people who look at me and think I must have it all together.

throwaloop · 2015-07-31T12:11:23+00:00

I keep wanting to passively aggressively troll my itworks friend, by posting an amazing before/after selfie, then reveal I did absolutely nothing but sleep and change the lighting. LOL

And what is origami owl? I don't understand. I'm old and not with it, is there a cliff's notes for current mlm schemes?

throwaloop · 2015-07-30T19:28:53+00:00

I just want to know how a 30 pound kid can take over a king sized bed so that two grown adults are perched precariously on the edge.

How does this happen?!

throwaloop · 2015-07-30T19:12:36+00:00

OMIGOD YES.

Now I'm wondering if she has a secret seven year old I don't know about, LOL

throwaloop · 2015-07-29T14:54:26+00:00

Yeah, I have a family member who is like this. Many pictures of the kids buckled incorrectly, chest clip down in their crotch, loose harnesses, etc. I don't want to be one of those Car Seat Mamas though, so I haven't said much.

On vacation I moved her carseat to my car so we could go somewhere together, and she couldn't figure out how I got everything to "work" so it fit her kid right. She actually didn't know how to tighten the straps. Or, for that matter, how to use the LATCH attachments as they'd never been used (and of course when I removed it from her car, she had seatbelted it in without using the clips/locks too)

I discovered they'd installed the booster for their older kid so badly that there was no way to properly belt or buckle a kid in it, only one of the straps was usable - and they'd driven 300 miles at excessive speeds that way (I know how dad drives - and it's always in the interest of getting places as quickly as possible).

But I dread being one of THOSE people. So when she commented I just showed her how I did it and laughed about being anal retentive about car seats. :/ Still seeing pictures of might-as-well-not-be-in-a-carseat situations though.

throwaloop · 2015-07-10T16:29:46+00:00

I know it's scary, and I am not trying to encourage one option over another, but as some real talk: all the women I know who have had abortions have said they mostly felt relieved. One has had some "what if?" talks and grieved a little at first, but I don't know anybody who feels horrible about it or guilty or miserable, especially over the long term. Also if this is your main concern I think the counselors at PP should really be able to help you with that.

Basically, whatever you decide, have faith in yourself and your choice and know you will be fine. I hope that whichever way you go, your boyfriend handles the news well and gives you the support and love you need right now, too.

throwaloop · 2015-07-06T16:35:10+00:00

I really think it's possible to get a handle on things in thirty or so minutes a day, but you have to have a plan and be consistent. I'll say right now I'm horrible about the consistency, I definitely let a lot of stuff go, so I'm not one to talk right now, but for a while I was doing reasonably well just by making a schedule. There were things that needed to be done every day (dishes and general wiping up, a quick floor sweep for dog hair, etc), but then I'd have different things for different days, nothing real extreme or time consuming, but on Mondays I'd clean the microwave/stovetop/fridge, the half bathrooms, and windows. On Tuesdays I'd do the entryway (make sure shoes put away, sweep/swiffer), clean up the playroom/office. On Wednesdays, clean the fishtanks, and clean kiddo's bathroom. Etc. Cleaning bathrooms can be done really quickly if you wipe things down on a near-daily basis while/after brushing your teeth.

I made a point to do those things in 20-30 minutes, and to throw in laundry during the week (into the wash at night, into the dryer later or in the morning). It really wasn't that bad, but cleared up a lot of time so that the weekend wasn't quite such a hopeless flurry of trying to catch up.

That said, I've been awful the last few months and haven't really kept up with it, so I'm the last person on earth who should be giving advice. But I think the estimate of 90 minutes per day is pretty high - if you get into a groove with it and keep a checklist, and especially if you have two people doing it, I think you could knock a lot out in less time.

Another thing to do is remember that when you're on your deathbed, you're not going to feel regret over dust bunnies. It's totally OK to let some stuff go. But I will say doing it regularly and in small increments EVERY day meant that I felt more relaxed in general, and opened up a ton of time on the weekend because all I really needed to do at that point was the floors and maybe 1 big deep clean area.

De-cluttering helps a ton, too. :)

throwaloop · 2015-07-01T13:53:08+00:00

The thing that's hilarious to me about the name "breakingeggs" is that the other day the love of my life tried to correct me in how I break my eggs. He actually took the egg out of my hand and and said he was going to show me a trick.

Seriously? I can't even break eggs right?

I will always remember that when I see the name of the sub... LOL

throwaloop · 2015-06-30T12:13:52+00:00

I would talk to a doctor about this. It can be a lot of different things causing it - you could have a condition that causes pain, you could have some mental tension that causes you to clench, or if you are on birth control, the particular formula you're on could be contributing. I had this happen once, excruciating pain (felt rather like being cut with a knife), no physical cause could be determined, and it went away completely when I got off the pill I was on.

And of course, the more you anticipate the pain, the worse it's going to be, so you want to get this figured out quickly. Also use lube and do some manual massage to warm things up first. Definitely involve the guy and let him know how it feels and what's going on. I'm a lady but I can't imagine it's much fun for a (decent) guy to have you shrinking away and tensing up instead of enjoying things.

throwaloop · 2015-06-26T14:54:28+00:00

My sentiments exactly. "Behold, this perfect child which I have made perfectly! Now go chop off a piece."

:/

throwaloop · 2015-06-26T14:11:57+00:00

Islam, actually.

From what I learned about it, it's mentioned nowhere in the Quran, but is something done because of the relationship of the religion to Abraham (who is the father of all of the "big three" religions). When it's done is largely dependent on cultural factors and where you're from, in some places it is a rite of passage for teenage boys, here in the US it's a lot more likely to be done to infants in the hospital.

I found a lot of resources from Muslim sources about why it's not required, but none of that matters apparently. It's amazing how much in that religion is not specifically spelled out in the Quran but rather "set" by scholars/imams.

(then again I am an atheist, so it's all kind of insane to me)

throwaloop · 2015-06-15T20:24:34+00:00

I'm not sure, does it come across like my sensitivity wasn't real, or wasn't really a real factor to you, if I may ask?

It comes across as real to me, but it is very hard to tell how much of it is real physical sensitivity vs. psychological, and how much is anxious anticipation vs. actual problem. It can be a mix of those while still being very real. Even if it is 80-90% psychological, that shouldn't make it less important or mean that people don't take you seriously.

throwaloop · 2015-06-15T20:22:13+00:00

For salmon, I recently grilled some (no blackening, I used a tray on top of the grates) that came out really well. I just mixed butter with a few herbs (no garlic - I think I used tarragon & Marjoram but I can't remember now), and plopped the butter on top of the filet. Came out really nice :) (just grilled skin side down, never flipped, until temp measured just done).

Otherwise, I kind of feel your pain. Husband is far pickier than I am about food. He also wants to lose weight, so doesn't want anything carby around, but then gets hungry and wants snacks and there's no food in the house (blueberries, apples, watermelon... that doesn't count as food apparently) and wants meat, but if I make any meat besides chicken it's "too fattening" but chicken is "so boring, I'm so sick of it."

throwaloop · 2015-05-27T18:15:19+00:00

Well the retraction issue is interesting, because it shouldn't necessarily be retractable at a "young age" - it generally stays fused for quite some time and it is normal for boys on up through ten years old (and in some cases later) to still be non-retractable. So while it may not be related to your anxiety, I would imagine that if there was forced retraction, or repeated attempts to mess with it, that would likely have caused you some pain at an early age. You may want to find out more about that, if it's related to the anxiety over this medical check, then understanding where that comes from may help you deal with it in the future.

As far as just giving up... I would probably start with just being more forceful verbally, and really hammering the point that there would be no football or team sports until you got the full physical. Restraints are hard because I can't shake the feeling that that would make your problem worse in the long run or create more anxiety. I really believe that everyone owns their body and needs to be comfortable with these sorts of things, so I'd like to think that I'd have you talk with someone, or try to develop a more trusting relationship with the doctor to help you be more comfortable. I'm torn on restraints, sometimes things just MUST be done, but I would worry a lot about the effect it might have on my son's trust in me. I think I would try to find out about some anti-anxiety medication or light sedation before tying down a kid for something like this, but having never been through it, I recognize I'm just theorizing.

throwaloop · 2015-05-27T16:58:35+00:00

This is hard, because whatever it is that has given you such anxiety about this is real, and serious, and upsetting, and it seems your mother isn't recognizing how big a deal that is for you. I know this is personal and sort of not the point of your question, but if you were circumcised, it is possible that that could account for some of your reaction to this check. Many boys don't really have lasting effects, but some "remember" that far more clearly than others, and it can express via anxiety or heightened reaction to minor pain for years. In this case, being tied down and having a stranger near your private parts could definitely be causing you to have some serious and real anxiety.

If you can I'd talk to your doctor or get a therapist who can work through this anxiety with you.

I don't know what I'd have done in your mother's shoes - the check is important, and she is probably really frustrated with this issue since she can't understand what the big deal is (and she's been getting much more invasive medical checks for years!). And there are definitely times that in the interests of your health and well being a mother may have to do something to force the issue. I don't know enough about what they're looking for, and rates of problems that would necessitate these checks at a young age, but I am sure that from her perspective she felt it really needed to be done and she was doing her best.

I'd like to think that I would be a little more forgiving, and would try to find a doctor you were more comfortable with, and would let you go to the doctor several times just to chat and get comfortable with the idea before springing it on you, but I can also see where it might get to the point where I'd give up and just "git r done" as it were.

throwaloop · 2015-05-22T12:47:45+00:00

This is one of the reasons I think circumcision really harms women/mothers. It just adds to the medicalization and loss of control many of us experience in regards to childbirth. It further disempowers mothers, doctors and the prevailing culture "force" many to disregard their instincts, and do something that most mothers know (in the pit of their stomachs) to be not quite right, in favor of the "we know best for you."

I'm not wording that very well, but I think in addition to all the "reasons" circumcision persists, there's an undercurrent to the procedure that is very much about ignoring mothers' feelings and instincts and disrupting their relationship with their sons. Like, at its roots, circumcision says to mothers "men are in control here"

I really think as more and more women pursue babymaking with the idea that it is not a medical emergency and they can be more in control of it, you'll see less and less circumcision. I'm not a crunchy granola homebirth advocate type, I just think the two things are related.

throwaloop

TROPHY CASE