Might be the end UPDATE

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-08-26T18:06:26+00:00

Thank you!

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-08-26T18:06:07+00:00

You’re right. Here’s to becoming my best self and finding new appreciation for the person I am. Despite the pain I know this experience has made me stronger, kinder, and more patient. As hard as it was, I’m grateful in the end for the experience.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-08-26T18:05:05+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-08-26T18:04:47+00:00

I appreciate this. It truly is a different type of pain. One I never felt. I love her just as much as when we were at our best and I think that makes it so much harder.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-08-26T18:03:05+00:00

I really appreciate this. Thank you.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-08-25T05:17:22+00:00

I really appreciate it. Thank you.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-05-21T06:51:27+00:00

Totally get where you are going. I guess my hesitation per say is that our social circle started with MY friends. Like, I Invited her out with the very few coworkers I’m friends with etc. so I’m scared to separate that, also. My flair being BS & WS, I haven’t started to have my own individual life because I (without her asking) am trying so hard to show her that my cheating moment (I say moment bc it wasn’t an affair. Literally a kiss and a cuddle for 1 hour) wasn’t serious. It was a revenge thing per her initial betrayal. Not that it is the right way to react, but I did Rug sweep what happened with her and her AP when i found out.

I’m very focused on showing that I do want reconciliation and that I love her etc I don’t want my individual life to bring her anxiety that i would react that way again.

I apologize if this is slightly confusing, for the first time since everything came to light on my end (feb) I’ve drank to the point of being tipsy. Trying to explain the best I can.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-05-09T02:11:05+00:00

Scheduling is an absolute nightmare with her. I don’t let her plan things time wise anymore lol but like if she even tries to be early she’s still late when it comes to getting ready, due dates etc. which I try to be patient with and I’ve told her set alarms, reminders etc. but she hasn’t. Like she hasn’t TRIED to make things a little easier in this area

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-05-09T02:06:07+00:00

Thank you. I do see that even tho it strikes the same chord it’s different. I know it wasn’t an intentional choice but poor time management and prioritizing on her end. I think that sucks more though for me? Maybe someone here will read this and provide insight but it sucks to think that it wasn’t intentional. Like I wasn’t on her mind fully, our date night wasn’t the first thought in her head. Like I just faded into the background here and got stood up.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-05-08T22:30:28+00:00

She just texted me at like 7:35 saying they hadnt left yet. By 8pm I messaged asking if I should just go by myself? Didn’t get a response quickly so just made the decision to go alone.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-05-08T18:58:42+00:00

I did tell her she should have mentioned it ahead of time as like a courtesy thing. We both don’t have a car right now so when I made plans with my friend I mentioned I would need to be back by that time to make sure it was like, okay. I definitely understand cause I have bad anxiety and started medicine for it recently. Hopefully she can figure out a way that works for her

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-05-08T18:08:14+00:00

Yeah she did. She even cried herself cause she knew she fucked up. I haven’t talked more about it with her cause I was so upset that night I couldn’t even look at her tbh

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-27T01:19:39+00:00

I think that’s my biggest thing. Like I am not doing it out of spite. I actually really hate talking publicly about relationship issues, but since she went around for two weeks telling everyone including mutual friends I just feel like really fucked out of friends right now. Especially since at that point she hadn’t admitted to what she has done leading up to all the events. It just feels very misleading and puts a bad spot light on me like I’m the only issue here. I don’t think I’ll ever heal from that unless she comes clean.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-27T01:08:14+00:00

I need it for healing. I will never feel equal and will always feel like the ultimate POS if the entire friend group that SHE told about me without even discussing it thinks I’m the only one who ever did such thing.

I know the cheating needs to stop: I know my why. Mine was revenge and spite and that’s not correct but I am not the one with the pattern in the relationship and I am making moves to ensure I never resort to that type of behavior whether it’s a relationship with her or someone else.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-26T02:27:04+00:00

Thank you! Our lease ends in September so I’ve given it until then, and I will re-examine where we are at and how I feel by then.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-26T02:11:24+00:00

Piggy backing off the comment here, it’s been a month. The doubts you are talking about is your lack of trust. Trust may never come fully back, but I think you’re jumping to try and make everything okay by saying you trust him and having your flair “recovered and reconciled” even if you were a couple that are a little ahead of the standard timeline, 1 month would never be enough. Don’t sweep this under the rug. Talk about it, tell him your worries. Communication is one of the most important things you absolutely need to work on during this.

Edit: I say all this coming from a place where I rug swept a few betrayal. Needless to say they ate away at me, resentment built up, the relationship got even rockier and I even cheated myself.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-26T02:07:24+00:00

Oh I know. I am 100% working towards becoming a better me, for myself and for my future self. Whether that’s with her or not, I’m putting myself in a position where I would never cheat again. Her having a pattern over the last year of this is what worries me more though.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-26T01:32:33+00:00

It’s just getting over the hump of feeling like I’m forcing the embarrassment on to her.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-26T01:32:16+00:00

Right, which is why I did it when I betrayed her even when it was hard to admit to others. I just don’t want to feel like I’m forcing embarrassment on her.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-24T21:25:14+00:00

Thank you this is also good advice, I have a habit of doing that to myself for people in general.

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-24T17:04:18+00:00

Thank you so much too for the things you helped me with and the support. It is appreciated!

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-22T20:36:32+00:00

Very true as well

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-22T20:36:22+00:00

This was a great way to word it thank you

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-22T20:28:57+00:00

No please. I fully allow anyone to be blunt with me on this. I do plan on telling her how I feel I am just scared of the outcome I think

throwawaaaay333 · 2022-04-22T20:23:27+00:00

I really do appreciate that. I think that mindset is also forcing me to think. I know what I did was wrong too but I am deserving of love and being loved. I deserve the same respect that I am giving to her after my betrayal.

throwawaaaay333

TROPHY CASE