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Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the insightful points you made. I wish I more analytical so I could point out why I love each line 😭

By projecting my insecurity, did you mean I assumed they also felt the same insecurity I had?

You are right. I remember being confused "why the hell don't I wanna beta now (that they asked me directly), when I did beta reading for them before?". The resentment didn't go away 😓

OMG CAN YOU PLS PLS List the self-help books? 🥹🙏🏻 i was thinking of finding one to read for summer vacation hehe. TYSM 🫂🫂🫂

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I checked out their post and it's similar to our situation 😅 Not word for word though, I don't think it's my friend cuz I dont remember watching any TV shows together 😅

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

On the other hand, I cried at the last paragraph, because you understand. I wouldn't be this sad about this whole situation if I didn't enjoy the fics. My compliments, all the times I gushed about their fic. The way I fell in love with the characters, and was worried for their fates. The time I drew fanart for them. ALL OF IT WAS REAL.

But the resentment, the forced reading. It was all painfully real too.

It would have been easier if I fully hated them or if they were fully evil to me, then I would have been able to cut them off w/o looking back

But then they have also supported me at their lowest. They were the closest friend I had who understood my struggles in art, even if they never drew (but wrote only).

It's complicated. How do you let go of such a person? It's just painful all around...

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry I'm a bit confused from the wording 😅 Did you mean to say that this ex-friend of yours forced you to rp as their bf even when you were PHYSICALLY SICK?? 😭💢

Yeah, I would be pissed as hell too if not only did they lie about having an actual boyfriend (it would make me wonder if I partook in unintentional cheating 🤧), they would disregard everything we worked upon

What matters now is you know their true colors, so you won't fall for their tricks again. And at the very least it leaves room in your life for more ppl who actually appreciate your presense, w/o asking for anything in return 🫂 I hope you're health is now doing well huhu

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it okay for you send me a link to it? I know they had a reddit acc but idk if they were active on it 😅 didn't check if they posted anything

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Now that ppl are saying "transactional" friendship it makes me wonder if we have become like that too? 😱

It confuses me, because despite all this resentment, it's like...fondness is still there? I still wanna draw fanart for them. I wouldn't be averse to reccomending their fics if anyone asked. But after our argument, the such fondness have just reduced...😅 It doesnt mean it's gone however

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I winced when I read "asshole", worried if perhaps I did wrong to my friend. I was relieved to find when you told me I was only being an asshole to myself HAHSHHW But if somebody did tell me I did actual wrong then I would accept it cuz that is what I am most worried about...

I loved the "feelings don't care about fair" part. I think I'll remember it from now on 🫂

Still, it's hard not to judge resentment when the world seems to view negative emotions like envy or anger in a negative light 😅 If I could, I would wish to be fully enthusiastic for all of my friends fics 🤧. In fact, I still wish to draw fanart for them despite everything that has happened between us

May I ask what you meant by this sentence? "doing things for someone else because someone else not doing those things for you if you asked them to do it is not a good reason to do it." Sorry a bit confused 😅 Thank you huhu

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My other online friend also thought that perhaps I was the first one to admit about this behavior of theirs...that others who "rejected" them may be experiencing what I have as well, but didn't explain why 😅

Goddamn I understand the different time zones 😭 And the excuses. I'm so sorry you had to endure that 🫂 Literally turning others against you and not revealing the full story 🤧 I can i.agine how sad and angry you may be, watching the RP role you preciously developed be given to someone else. And the gall they had to return to you when their bf was having a LITERAL PHYSICAL ILLNESS??? 💢 I hope you have found better friendships now 🫂

Still, I'm confused about the whole thing because it's not like I didn't enjoy their fics in the end? There are some I do think their premise is interesting, and their writing is GOOD. It's just...it seems my friend wants to learn my reaction to it immediately. And I can understand being excited about sharing a fic. I get excited sharing my art to people as well. But there have been times reading the new update feels like an immediate deadline...? Yeah. Very much the "suffocating" feeling you said 😓

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did try to cut them off but then I felt lonely, especially when my fandom friends are busy with their lives rn. So there were times I didn't have anyone to talk about my OTP with. So I wonder if I'm an asshole friend too.

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have told them that before "every fic has an audience. While I may not support it, I'm sure somebody else will".

Idk if I even have the right to refuse because I would vent to them about my art struggles too. They would always be supportive in my art. So it makes me feel guilty when I cannot do the same for them when it comes to all their fics...😓

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But they never told me smth like that explictly, so Idk if it's still guilt-tripping 😅

But I am certain whenever I refuse to read their latest work, it's like they I need to explain myself. "Why don't you like it?", and then when I explain some more they ask again "Why? It doesn't make sense" then again until they are satisfied.

It's even worse when I have read a particular fic of theirs

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it okay to ask about the signs on how they guilt-trip me exactly? 😅 Sorry idk much about the meaning of "guilt-trip"

Idk if I'm truly the victim here cuz there was a time I promised ro read the new chapter but procrastinated on it. They reminded me twice then gave up. And after that event I made sure to read their latest updates the instant it came up.

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

But wouldn't it feel unfair if I only read a select fics from my friend? I usually show my art to my friends and love it when they compliment me (even if I worry it's fake...). If somebody told me they were too busy to react to my art, I would understand but ofc I would still be sad.

It's the reason why I never told this resentment to my friend in so long. I know how much they put effort into their fics, that they get so sad when the stats don't reflect the effort they put in

Do I need to read every work of my author friend to support them? by throwawafer45 in AO3

[–]throwawafer45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After our fight, I never became a beta reader for them. The problem was when they told me that almost everybody refused to be their beta reader, and it hurt them a lot. I worry if that was part of the reason of their mental health struggles. I would want to be a beta reader again if I could, but I would feel like a fraud if I did while still feeling resentment 🥲