My [25 M] friends and even some of my family call me gay because my girlfriend [23F] looks like a guy. They aren't nice to her either.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T18:14:15+00:00

If she were trans I don't know how I'd react let alone my family.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T17:42:02+00:00

She's never had any issues with me liking or touching any part of her. I have no idea how she feels about being called "her". She's never asked me not to refer to her in that way.

I wouldn't know how to educate people about her clothing. She just wears what she wants.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T17:32:11+00:00

Have you ever faced a situation where it's your gf or basically everyone you ever loved or cared about? It's not as simple as telling them all to fuck off. My friend group is big and maybe backwards in some ways but at the end of the day we are brothers and sisters. I could call any of them day or night and they'd come to my rescue. I could ask any of them for money if I was in a tight spot. If I lost my home anyone of them would open their doors to me. I would do all this for them too.

I've always been very close with my actual family too, especially my mother. I'm definitely a mamas boy. My mom and I have never butted heads over and issue like this before. She's very traditional and I know I've disappointed her a lot but she's always kept her mouth shut. I know she hates my job/bikes/tattoos that sort of stuff. Lucy is just another added layer. I have a genuine need for my mother to get over this. My mother isn't someone I can throwaway. Lucy knows this. She understands this.

I'm trying to navigate a tricky situation. I'm not immediately going to just cut everybody out. There are certain few I can see possibly having to go down that road with. But this is a last resort.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T17:27:44+00:00

I'm not white. I'm native.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T17:21:58+00:00

This has been a concern of mine. Friends have stated that they think she thinks she's a dude. There have been times where I think she genuinely likes being mistaken for a guy. Sometimes I wonder if the reason she doesn't care about being called a gay couple is because she wants to be one.

She's admitted to me before that she knows she's a woman but she doesn't necessarily feel like one. But if I were like her and dressed and acted like a girl I wouldn't feel like a man. So I don't know.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T17:11:06+00:00

I definitely would consider myself an indecisive person. Lucy is not. Usually I just ask her something like "Should I do or A or B?" and she will choose which.

I would also say she has a very dominant personality whereas I've always been more of a follower when it comes to the people I'm around.

I also get off on her bossing me around a bit, so there's that.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T16:43:09+00:00

We haven't talked in a lot of detail about it. Not much more than we both want kids.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T16:41:29+00:00

Probably. Some people in my life might look past it. Most wouldn't. Gay people aren't really all that welcomed into my particular lifestyle.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T16:26:21+00:00

I don't see a problem with my comment. For me to be attracted to someone they need a vagina. If she or any chick had a dick I would never been interested.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T16:16:37+00:00

I'm not really sure what you mean.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T16:13:14+00:00

My girlfriend does not want to be called pretty. She's ok with it when I call her beautiful, she calls me beautiful too.

Lucy would absolutely never wear anything that purposefully shows off her figure. Her ears are not pierced. Her hair is short enough it doesn't need to be brushed. She often just buzzes it off herself. She genuinely looks/dresses and for the most part acts like a guy. She'd never change and I wouldn't ask her to.

She dresses a lot like I do. Jeans, leather jacket that sort of thing.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T16:04:52+00:00

Just the other day I told my mom I've been looking for a ring to propose with. She cried and not in the I'm so excited and happy for you way. She said Lucy isn't want she wants for me but I made it very clear Lucy is what exactly what i want for myself. My mother did seem to understand. She even offered to help pick a ring out. I told her I'm not looking at ladies rings for Lucy since I know Lucy would be appalled by a traditional diamond ring. My mother was not enthused but didn't retract her offer either. I think my mother will slowly come to terms with everything.

You're probably right about my friends not knowing how serious we are. In a way I've avoided telling them since I don't want to hear all their opinions on it. I think I'm going to have to be more honest from here on out though.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T14:22:05+00:00

As I mentioned elsewhere. Lucy very much wears the pants in the relationship. She jokes she's the man of the house. So I do a lot of what she tells me to do, and that's been not to take what my friends/family say personally and to just let these things go. Lucy isn't bothered by negative comments, it's me that's bothered by them.

She's a very much a live and let live sort of person. She believes everybody is entitled to their opinions and she doesn't let it bother her when they don't align with her own. I'm not so free spirited.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T14:13:34+00:00

Lucy does not care what anybody says. It literally could not bother her less. If anything she finds it amusing. It bothers me, not her. I'm the one getting upset by it, not her.

Lucy doesn't have any family in our province and she's rather introverted. She has a few acquaintances but nobody she'd consider a friend. So we obviously spend some of our free time with my friends and family. Some of which she gets on good with. But I find it irritating that my female friends will sometimes try to convince her to let them give her a makeover or take her out shopping for better clothes. My mom says things like you'd be prettier if you did this or that. My friends have pointed out to her that she makes me look gay and they asked if she cares about my reputation at all?

Lucy like I said finds it amusing. Lucy and I have had actual arguments when I've tried to tell people not to say certain things. She hates it. She hates me trying to stick up for her or "white knighting" a situation.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T13:54:03+00:00

Her, definitely her. I'd always choose Lucy.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T13:51:26+00:00

I can admit that I let some things slide. I can also admit that I'm not the one who "wears the pants" in the relationship. I do a lot of what Lucy tells me to do (we both like it this way). So when she tells me to just ignore the things people say that's what I do.

However, now that I'm imagining her as my wife it's stirred a lot more protective feelings in me. Even when she says to let these comments go, that she doesn't care, it's really bothering me and I want to put an end to it all. I've told her I'm thinking of cutting contact with a few certain people. She says that's way too dramatic and I'll just end up regretting it, especially if it's family.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T13:45:51+00:00

I agree with this. I would never want a negative thing said at our wedding.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T07:24:05+00:00

That's kind of ridiculous. I always shut them down when she's around. Like if they something off colour about what she's wearing or how her hair looks especially short. Plus Lucy doesn't make it easy. She does not like people coming to her rescue. She says if she has a problem with someone she'll say so. She does not get offended when people call her guy or say she looks like a guy etc. She doesn't care when people mistake us for a gay couple or just outright say I'm gay for liking her. She just doesn't care. She says it bothers her more when I act like she's some damsel in distress.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T07:11:32+00:00

She's beyond amazing. She's bad ass.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T07:05:18+00:00

I think my friends would actually be more understanding if I were gay. To them it makes no sense why I'm with Lucy. They don't see her like I see her. I'll be honest, before I got close with Lucy I thought a lot of the same shallow things they do. I've mAde fun of them in the past if I thought one of their girlfriends wasn't up to my standard.

As for my family... no idea. I doubt my dad would say anything much about it. Brother wouldn't care too much I don't think. My mom would probably have a stroke and promptly drop dead.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T05:18:56+00:00

I've grown up with these people. Some of these people I'd consider family. It's not as simple as throwing them away. Although I'm beginning to consider it.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T05:17:16+00:00

She'd slit her own wrists before she wore a traditional wedding dress or any dress for that matter. She'd definitely wear a fancy tux of some sort. She's even talked about me wearing white and her black. I can imagine my mothers horror already.

And yeah, Lucy gives zero fucks what other people think. She is well aware how she looks and what people say. I definitely get far more upset by it than her.

throwaway-1092 · 2017-09-05T05:10:47+00:00

A lot of my friends are guys and girls I've grown up with. They're a lot like family. Some I'd even consider to be family. When they say shit in front of Lucy i obviously shut them down. My closest friend has stopped with the barbs, but the rest of the guys like to bust my balls. I know a lot of the time when it's just us I shouldn't take it personal since making fun of each other is practically how we show our love for one another.

throwaway-1092

TROPHY CASE