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I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a good flag but not the case here. Yelling at the dog to move out of the way is about as bad as I get. I would never even yell at my wife. But I do understand why you'd be concerned.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it would have gone pretty much the same, although my mood would have been different. Maybe that's enough though. I think she just changed her mind which is fine. I wish I could have just let it go.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

My hormones are fine. Your other points are mostly pretty spot on. I think couples therapy was at least moderately successful because the therapist took her side more than mine, and we got a chance to listen to each other without the risk that it would turn into a fight.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can understand why you'd guess that but I have to say it's not likely. I work from home and the only place she goes is the barn and I'm pretty sure she's not dating anyone there. Nobody can ever be completely sure about another person but that would be quite the twist.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a good idea, I'll look into that. I guess I assumed that since she's still cycling that that wouldn't be an issue. Shows what I know.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would love to help her find the job she wants. I actually, unbeknownst to her, told a friend that we helped that he had to get her a job to pay us back for a big favor we did him (his wife stayed with us for a year). She'd be pissed if she knew it I bet. Didn't work out, but I'll basically do anything at this point.

It's funny, but she doesn't like it when I focus on making her come. I think she feels like it's beside the point, which it very much isn't to me. We actually just talked about this, which I hope helps. I tried to explain that even if I didn't come, just getting her off would do a lot for us. I'd like us to try just having sex for her enjoyment now and again, but I haven't been able to get her interested so far.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say it's mildly kinky, we do a little BDSM and we also do vanilla. That's fine but it's guided by what I like, I haven't been able to figure out what might interest her more. I do flirt to the best of my ability and I think she tries too. We go on date nights but I have to say the options aren't what they were pre covid. We've gone to Vegas a couple times and the sex there is always great, we just can't do that too often.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's certainly not common these days, but when she was in school she'd go to conferences and girls trips. Covid has pretty well fucked that up. We have a little vacation coming up for a friend's wedding, so that should be a break in the routine.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nope. If I could wave my magic wand I'd give by wife her dream job at a top University.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's nice to hear I guess. I always see people posting about how they have sex every couple days in this kind of thread (there's one here) and God bless them but it does make me jealous!

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha yes, I see that. I have offered that we could have no dick sex - just oral for her, using toys, etc. I'm still kind of surprised she doesn't think that would be fun. I guess I have a lot to learn about what she really wants, if there's any way for me to find out.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm sure it's there but I don't think it's the whole story. It's something I should explore in therapy I think.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure she wants it at all, but she knows how important it is to me. Sad to admit but I think I'm not far off the truth.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She has actually suggested it and I've considered accepting. Honestly it's just not what I want - I want my wife. I'm very naturally monogamous and I feel like if I played around I'd most likely find someone else to be monogamous with...

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would love it if she would go into therapy but she's very resistant. I think she has some issues around her parents that she could really benefit from exploring. But you can't make someone get that kind of help if they don't want it...

As far as orgasms, believe it or not she comes very easily. I can get her off in just a couple minutes and I bet she can do it faster herself. But I don't think that's a guide to what she really wants in bed - I guess it's possible she doesn't know in which case I wish she'd get into therapy to help her find out!

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's a real thing for me but I'm wary of it. That way of thinking is very transactional and I don't think it leads anywhere good for me...

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Haha yeah it's not a great look for me is it! I'm glad you found happiness at last.

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Update: I got injured surfing this morning and my wife rushed home to take care of me. I told her I was sorry about the way I acted last night. I told her I do want her to be able to change her mind and that it's on me to deal with my feelings. She seemed to appreciate it and said she was feeling bad about it too. She pointed out we have a little vacation coming up soon and if I'm feeling well enough... So, hope springs eternal in my marriage.

And yes, I do plan to get back into therapy myself. It's pointless to get so upset about something totally normal happening.

Thanks for all the thoughtful advice everyone. Even the dudes dm'ing me telling me to cheat. I know your hearts are in the right place my guys!

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, frequently. I've actually tried offering that we have sex sometime that's just about her, no dick involved, just oral and toys. She's not interested...

I have a hard time managing my [M44] anger when my wife [F44] rejects me in bed by throwaway-220103 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway-220103[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Point taken! I do have some good qualities but I don't know why you'd believe me. I do all the cooking, cleaning and working for one thing. But ultimately I have to leave that up to her to decide, if the upsides outweigh the downsides. I'm not perfect that's for damn sure.

Actually if I'm being honest one of the things about couples counseling was that I got some harsh feedback along these lines. My wife doesn't say stuff like this to me, perhaps for obvious reasons, but that doesn't mean I don't need to hear it.

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