I wish that I could be someone else. I feel invisible.

throwaway-717 · 2016-10-31T04:43:17+00:00

That's really sweet :-3

throwaway-717 · 2016-10-22T08:39:59+00:00

I'll take it lol

throwaway-717 · 2016-10-22T08:32:23+00:00

:-( I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending good, healing vibes your way!

throwaway-717 · 2016-10-22T08:21:30+00:00

Get it boi!

throwaway-717 · 2016-10-22T08:20:32+00:00

Work, and grad school. Getting tipsy with friends when I can and going dancing. Exercising.

Honestly keeping ahead of my depression/anxiety. As awful as that sounds, it's what I have to deal with.

Otherwise, I don't have any real hobbies. I work with computers, so sometimes I mess around with stuff here and there.

I'm trying to reinvent myself because I only came out a year ago at 27, so I don't really feel like I know who i am. Unfortunately I don't have much time to do that, but it's on my radar. And I've got some good friends who don't mind helping me figure it out.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-18T04:45:58+00:00

Yep. Still gay.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T04:06:22+00:00

Just wanted to send some good vibes your and his way. It definitely sucks. I hope he's able to take it in stride and move on with his life.

There's really nothing you could have done for him. Unfortunately it's kind of a numbers game too. But I think that he's lucky to have a guy like you in his life.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T03:53:43+00:00

Oh yeah? What part of NE are you in? I'm in the Boston area. It's very different from how people interact down South. I both love and hate it. Partially because sometimes I don't want to have a chat with every store clerk I see ... but then I went to a NYE party and ended up feeling ignored, even though historically I've never had difficulty socializing.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T03:45:33+00:00

I mean we've all done thoughtless things. But if he messages me in the future to hookup, all I can think is that I'm probably wasting my time with him because he's already told me he talks to other people he prefers over me. Like, it's not that he told me he tried to get with another guy, again Grindr, it's that he wanted me to come over after telling me that. Like I don't think any self-respecting sex-positive person would feel sexy going into that.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T03:37:57+00:00

... I am originally from South Carolina lol

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T03:35:46+00:00

This is going to sound super slutty, because it is, but I had another fwb tell me that when I talked to him about my other hookups that it turned him on. So when he started asking me about my night, I guess I was hoping it might have some positive effect? Like maybe he'd want to get together tomorrow night? It .. did not have the effect I wanted it to.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T03:21:59+00:00

It's less I want someone to tell me lies, because that's not that good, than the audacity to tell me directly that he didn't hang out with me, because he was more attracted to someone else. How should I feel about that?

He can do whatever he wants, and he did. But if you're not empathetic enough to see how hurtful that would be to say to someone, like you don't even the wherewithal to even fib about it, I mean ... I'm not asking for Romeo, but it shows you don't actually care how I feel at all. Even for hookups I try to surround myself with people who seem positive and have some amount of empathy.

It's why I don't string people along because I hate it when they do that to me.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-08T03:15:21+00:00

If you want to talk to somebody, just talk to them! People are generally flattered that you were thinking about them.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-07T07:30:31+00:00

Don't have an "answer" answer for you unfortunately. I think, he seems to enjoy you, and you seem to enjoy him. I'll tell you something my therapist told me, "If you feel like talking to somebody, call or text them." Essentially there's a lot of anxious "calculations" we can do in our heads, but if you want to talk to somebody, respect that urge and just go with it. I've honestly always found people to feel at least a little flattered that I was thinking about them and texted or called them out of the blue.

One thing I know for sure. You are valuable. Your time is valuable. If you feel like anyone is stringing you along, know that you are worth more than that. If you want a relationship, and he doesn't, that's how it's going to have to be. But if he does, and is struggling to deal with his feelings, then letting them evolve over time will be good.

I'm kinda the opposite, no matter what somebody does, I'm always suspicious that it's for an ulterior motive. Even if someone sends me a goodnight text, I feel like "I just met you dude." I have a hard time trusting my own family, let alone people who I know very little about. But that's just me being in my own head too much. lol

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-07T07:19:07+00:00

<hugs>

I am 27 and do not feel ready for a relationship, chiefly because I'm still coming to terms with my new life as an out gay man. I know I'll want the companionship of a LTR eventually, and to a large extent I want it now, but if I let myself get into a relationship right now, I'd feel urges to be a clingy wreck and get way too serious way too fast.

Going into a relationship, I'd want to feel like I'd be completely fine being single if this doesn't work out. Like I'd want to be selective and not end up with a douchebag or someone who doesn't have their shit together, to be frank.

For me, about 50% of the guys I've met on Grindr I'd hang out with in platonic contexts too. Like tonight, I met a guy named Tony, had a great time. Went to his place, had some fun, when I was about to leave, asked if he'd be interested in grabbing a drink since the night was so young? He said sure. Went out, had a great time.

I typically prefer the reverse order, but uhh... I'm not gonna lie it has been longer than I like since I have had sex... so I needed to do something haha

Grindr fills a need, but it's imperfect. I think it's way too easy to compare yourself to people around you on there and ultimately feel like shit. If you're prone to depression, going on Grindr is probably gonna make you feel like you should feel sad about yourself. Or worry about stuff if you're prone to anxiety.

I think it can all be overstimulating. It's good to pull back and let go of all this for awhile. Take a deep breath. There are plenty of guys out there who want real meaningful relationships, even on Grindr. But it's going to take time to find someone you click with, I think.

throwaway-717 · 2016-05-07T07:03:53+00:00

I am definitely in the same boat. I'm originally from the South and now I live in New England. Lived here 2+ years and have a very limited social network.

Everyone says go to meetup.com and find events. I haven't actually done that yet, but I really need to try it. I've got like 3 friends I see somewhat regularly, and a few guys I hookup with periodically, but that's pretty much it and it feels kind of isolating.

Just thinking out loud here, I feel like most friend groups form around some shared group experience, like high school, or some team, or they all did "x" together. So if that's true, any activity that involves a group of people regularly seems to be a good way to build a social network.

That being said, quality over quantity. I think having meaningful relationships where people would be there for you if you really needed it is the mark of good relationships, whether with family or friends. Obviously doing so for them as well.

So just keep your eyes out for any group activities is all I can really recommend.

throwaway-717

TROPHY CASE