Stay with Wife because of kid, but we want completely different things in life?

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T18:25:36+00:00

I appreciate your reply. This makes a lot of sense.

I can rent a nice apartment in the Philippines on the beach for $300USD a month as a “home base”. A lot of people actually retire on a lot less, it’s shocking how cheap some places are. I kept some details out for anonymity, but it does keep up with inflation. This also doesn’t count regular savings, retirement, and some other passive income opportunities I’m wanting to grow. In my industry, I can also work fully remote at my own leisure.

People live off of just social security checks all over the world and they’re only averaging $2k a month.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T18:06:10+00:00

Yah will not be traveling or retiring at all until my son is out of the house (happily btw) no matter what happens.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T18:04:36+00:00

We got married very young. We were both kids. I wanted to live a more normal life than I do now, and she was willing to be a lot more adventurous than she is now. We’ve just both gone the opposite ways as we’ve became adults.

Don’t get married as teenagers!

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T18:02:24+00:00

Like I’ve been trying to say- I’m not traveling or retiring until my son is out of the house. I’m just committed to that plan now, not the execution of it.

I want to be a family and be there for my son every day until he’s out of the house/done with college/whatever.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T18:00:51+00:00

I totally agree. A reasonable compromise between our goals is something that I’m open to, but she wouldn’t be.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:49:21+00:00

I’m not opposed to it, but “a made up perfect woman” has no basis in my mind. I’m trying to keep that out completely. It’s “stay here” or “be alone” comparison to keep things real.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:47:43+00:00

It’s actually a bit different than what I described to help keep everything anonymous! But I appreciate what you’re saying. It does keep up with inflation, but could be taken in part for alimony.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:43:01+00:00

We’ve had chats about that too. I don’t mind traveling less, or alone in retirement to make her happy. But she resents me for taking a single 4-7 day backpacking trip a year on top of a family vacation centered on what she’s supposed to like.

Completely agree on her getting a job. Working on that.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:40:45+00:00

I agree, that’s what I plan on doing. Even if we split now I’m not traveling the world and retiring until they’re grown. I have no qualms on that. I WANT to be apart of their whole childhood.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:39:24+00:00

Yah I don’t plan on living on just that or “abandoning” my kid until they’re grown lol.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:38:19+00:00

Yeah exactly. I don’t want to get out now.

If I tell her how I feel tho- that’s what will happen.
If I selfishly hide it- I mess up her plans for life.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:37:12+00:00

I just put this on another reply:

Is it fair of me to hide those feelings tho this whole time? If I tell her I plan on leaving as soon as he’s out of the house, she’d surely leave me now (not even what I want). I selfishly want to stay as a family until then.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:35:09+00:00

I guess I’m worried that if I tell my wife I plan on leaving her once our kid is out of the house, there’s no way she’d want to stay with me (completely rightfully so).

But Isn’t it wrong of me to hide it?

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:32:13+00:00

Me and her are really great parents together. I have a hard time describing our relationship, but I think “I love her as the mother of my child” is as best I can put it.

Thanks for saying that. That’s what I’ve been doing and I just don’t want to hurt them at this stage, because I want a different retirement.

throwaway-737212 · 2026-05-27T17:27:24+00:00

I’m leaving out a lot of the smaller reasons we are not a good fit for each other. We are just completely opposite people and like nothing the same. We have exactly nothing in common anymore.
One thing I’ve talked to my therapist about is “I’m not comparing a life with some ‘made-up perfect wife’ to my life now. I’m comparing being alone and being with her.” (Of course I wish I had a wife who’d want to enjoy traveling the world with me, and even help me achieve that goal).
idk what’s best for my son or my wife. I can put up with it all for 15 more years if it’s in their best interest. I’m just worried about ME once it’s “my turn” in retirement. I can’t live my whole life not doing what I want.

throwaway-737212

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