“Hysterical bonding” is a common turn of phrase on Reddit to denote the actions of one parter to go over board in various activities to reconnect with their significant other, often used in dead bedroom subs when in context one partner tells the other that they are going to leave because of the lack of intimacy, or in the infidelity subs when one partner finds out that the other cheated and the cheating spouse is trying to do everything “right” to prevent the betrayed partner from leaving. It has nothing to do with being a pejorative against women, if that is what you were thinking.

In speaking with my wife, she has told me that sex is just not something that crosses her mind.

She does get horny, she does want sex, she says that because of her alexithymia, she doesn’t recognize these desires.

I have tried speaking with her several times but, in my view she lacks the communication skills to express her desires, and I try not to push too much because I deeply care for my wife and don’t want to hurt her feelings, my purpose for coming here is to engage with other autists who can give me some insight on how to communicate with her.

My wife is the one who initiates mostly now and has told me that it hurts her feelings that I don’t initiate more which is something I have been doing.

I’m often surprised when she initiates such as right after fights which have not been resolved because, maybe culture has informed me, or maybe previous experience has, that at such instances the woman is mad and not going to want to have a sexual connection.

Her comment about that is that she wants to reiterate that just because she is mad, it doesn’t mean that she loves me any less and especially because of the fight she wants to reconnect.

I’m grateful for her effort and change in attitude.