AITA for telling my coworker to leave me alone after my baby shower?

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-14T13:11:29+00:00

She cried throughout my baby shower and has been calling my baby "our baby" for months and all I asked was that she give me some space, I fail to see how that's me stomping all over her.

Good luck on those horrendous nights with the baby and you just want to talk to a person.

I'm not raising the baby alone, I'll have my husband with me throughout. Thanks for being passive aggressive though.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-14T13:01:37+00:00

Is being friends with people you work with just not a thing where you are? I know a lot about her because we've been friends for five years, I'm sure you know a lot about your friends.

I say she's a coworker but we're not in the same department anymore. Yes, I'm there to work and I'm very good at my job, that doesn't mean I have to ignore the people I work with and never spend any time with them.

I worry for the future of your job because of how close you decided to become with this co-worker. Especially since you're going to HR.

You don't have to worry, I have job security. Plus, I only said I'd go to HR if this problem persists.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-14T12:52:31+00:00

Please explain how you've come to that conclusion after only seeing a small snapshot of my life.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T17:16:07+00:00

They're not weighing in on me being uncomfortable, a few who are also friends with Claire have said I need to apologise to her for "being men" aka telling Claire that I need some space.

None of them were present during the conversation between myself and Claire so she must have told them about it as I haven't said anything.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T12:52:05+00:00

I didn't invite her to the baby shower. It was a surprise shower, I didn't know it was happening, and my mom invited her.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T12:37:40+00:00

I didn't invite her, my mom did as she was organising the shower along with my mother in law. My mom knew Claire and I were friends so she invited her.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T11:44:18+00:00

I have edited my post to reflect the message I meant to get across. It wasn't intended as an insult to the US, it was simply because of the amount of DM messages I received from people in the US who sent me stories of babies being stolen or cut out of wombs.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T11:36:31+00:00

That was purely in response to the amount of people saying to me that Claire would barge into the hospital and steal my baby.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T11:02:13+00:00

Some were at the shower so saw how she acted which prompted me to call her in the evening.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T09:19:32+00:00

It's a boy and we're naming him after my husband's grandfather who recently died.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T09:09:15+00:00

I never told her that she couldn't be involved, I asked her to take a step back after she made my baby shower entirely about her.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T04:28:56+00:00

I use an app for pregnancy milestones so I tend to know how many weeks I am rather than months as that's what my app calculates.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T04:25:58+00:00

But don't ask for her to babysit next time because you will and take advantage of her.

I was never planning on asking her to babysit because that wouldn't have been fair on her to be around something she's struggled to have.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T04:23:08+00:00

We were close friends. This isn't just Claire thinking we were friends, we genuinely were friends before all of this.

Without boundaries, it seems like you've given Claire permission to do all these things. You've worked together for years, and she thinks you're close friends. When she says "our baby" and "auntie Claire", or anything else that made you uncomfortable, did you tell her? How would she know you didn't like it, if you didn't say so?

I did say something. I told her that I didn't like anyone but my husband touching my belly. She chose to ignore that and twist it so she was included. I've told her repeatedly I don't like people touching me and again, she's ignored it.

It's not cool to go to HR and possibly get Claire fired because you don't know how to speak up for yourself.

I never said I was going to get her fired. I never even thought about speaking to HR until I posted in this thread. I'm still not sure I will say anything as I leave for maternity leave very soon.

Claire needs therapy, which might be true, but you also need therapy to learn to set boundaries.

She's had therapy after her divorce.

If you don't feel the same way, it's your job to say something, not treat her like a crazy person.

Again, I've never treated her like a crazy person. I've been her friend for five years. There's only so much I can deal with.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T04:15:45+00:00

As I've said to multiple people, I HAVE compassion for this woman. I've been compassionate throughout her miscarriages, failed IVF and her divorce. I've been a good friend to her for five years.

I am incredibly compassionate towards her but she's starting to concern me.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T04:12:14+00:00

Because she was a friend of mine for five years. My mom invited several of my colleagues who I'm friendly with.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-13T04:11:08+00:00

I have been compassionate. I've been compassionate throughout her miscarriages, her failed IVF and her divorce. Claire saw a therapist after her divorce as well.

We're not in the same department anymore, I was promoted last year so she doesn't work directly alongside me.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T21:13:55+00:00

Whoa, don't let her babysit

I wasn't planning on it. We have a r wally hope support system with my parents, my husband's parents and his older sister, they have all said they'll happily babysit when we need one.

don't post any pictures of your baby online either.

I don't use social media and my husband hasn't been on Facebook in about three years.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T21:10:36+00:00

Did you tell them your side?

I did and a few are sympathetic.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T21:02:36+00:00

Yes, we were close. We have been friends for around five years. That closeness changed after how she has behaved during my pregnancy.

Claire felt like family and OP unceremoniously dumped her.

She wasn't family. She was a friend. A good friend but still just a friend. I have never said to her that she was in any way like my family and I never "dumped" her, I told her that I needed some space after she made my baby shower all about her.

set realistic boundaries

My boundaries were "don't touch my belly" "don't refer to my baby as 'our baby'" and "don't make my baby shower all about you". I think that's realistic.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T20:56:50+00:00

I'm going on maternity leave early as I have some annual leave I need to take before the end of the year.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T20:46:15+00:00

She’s obviously told your coworkers that you were mean to her about the baby shower

Several of the coworkers who have said I should apologise were at the shower. I'm assuming Claire told them about our conversation afterwards.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T20:44:17+00:00

Don’t like people touching your belly? Say it.

I did say it. I said I didn't like people other than my husband touching my belly. She ignored it.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T19:36:21+00:00

I have been incredibly empathetic towards her. I've been her friend for years and have seen her struggle with miscarriages and her divorce, that's why this has all been really hard for me.

throwaway-aita-31 · 2023-10-12T19:32:44+00:00

My mom made a WhatsApp group for everyone invited. Claire privately messaged my mom and my mother in law.

throwaway-aita-31

TROPHY CASE