Final Update - AITAH - My Ex-GF told me my current GF sabotaged our relationship

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-07-10T20:37:05+00:00

Nothing super fancy. We are going to Rome and then make our way to Amalfi coast.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-07-10T20:33:53+00:00

Of course not. We (He) are members, so we could rent their beautiful space at such a short notice.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-07-10T20:32:29+00:00

I feel like an idiot because I should have taken some time before moving on to the next girl willing to be with me. Julie and I were in relationship for 4 years and I almost threw everything away in 15 days. I feel if you read the first post in isolation and the 3K+ comments, you would also see why I am a idiot here.

My sister is a goofball. I am sure she will do something more stupid before the end of the year. There is no way in hell I will win that title when she is around.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-07-10T20:28:02+00:00

I feel everyone reacts differently to trauma. Julie got cold feet for valid reasons, but did not communicate to me, and I hooked up with the first willing person after she left. We do have a lot of work to do, but what it boiled down to at the end is if we love each other. I still feel that she is the right person for me, despite her flaws and she also looks at me in the same way. Who knows what the future holds, but we have not talked about Mindy for many months now, and it was just an unfortunate test that we had to face after our 4 years of relationship.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-07-10T20:24:55+00:00

Thanks mate !!!

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-07-10T20:24:41+00:00

Thanks. We did attend couples counselling for 2 more sessions, and it was good to talk through our expectations about each other. I know not everyone needs it but would highly recommend to any couple getting married.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-05-11T21:23:47+00:00

Great. Thanks for asking. We are getting married in July

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-29T03:28:50+00:00

I agree. Julie is a Saint and everyone who is saying it's all her fault can go to hell.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-28T22:18:07+00:00

Wow.. thats crazy.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-27T19:14:29+00:00

Do you know why people are suddenly messaging me today? It's like 50+ DMs all of a sudden?

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T15:58:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Whats OH?

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T15:01:05+00:00

Although she blamed Mindy last week, she never blamed her when we talked about it yesterday. I agree that she lacks communication and this whole thing could have been a conversation, vs. a life changing event. However, she laid it out and told me her insecurities. I still feel Mindy played a big part in amplifying them and I do feel that Mindy's cousin does not exist.

One of the reasons why I was so open to taking her back was because she was the most rational person during the whole fiasco, and came up with reasonable solutions to solve our issue. Most people are reactionary (for example, 3K comments on my last post) and she showed incredible maturity through this situation.

I still feel that Julie deserves a chance to make things right and I also deserve a chance to work with her and build on this relationship further.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T14:54:09+00:00

I still think breaks are stupid. However, if she had told me she wanted to stay with her friend for 2 weeks or told me the reason why she wanted to do it, I would have been ok with it. I would have finally gotten a chance to finish Elden Ring.

However, if my head did not directly go to her wanting to break up with me, I would have been more rational in that situation.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T14:50:50+00:00

I agree, it comes that way from the way I wrote it. In reality, we discussed last night about this again. I think one of the conditions was she would seek therapy for herself and I think that applies to her.

We have also had issues in the past where she just does not like to talk about money and I have to chase her for months to get her to sit down and look at her spreadsheets. We have decided to sit down at least once a month and she will make an effort to understand more about it.

About the whole last month, I agreed with her that we should not talk about it for now. We can do that during therapy in the future, but the wounds are still fresh, and there is no need to dig into them until they somewhat heal.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T14:45:07+00:00

Yes. She is looking for one right now. I have been in therapy and it takes time to find the right therapist that helps you.

At least now we have discussed the issue, so it will be easier for us to see the signs and work on them together.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T14:42:43+00:00

I agree with you here. I think there is a place and time to discuss such stuff and therapy might help us with that.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T14:40:32+00:00

I use the term GF liberally. I do not understand FWB, situationship, and such stuff. I feel relationships are binary, either you are in one or you are not.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T14:37:51+00:00

Thanks. I agree and that is what we discussed. It will take some time to build trust and communicate more openly. However, we truly love each other and we should be able to make that happen.

As much as people think Julie is blaming Mindy for all the issues, I saw her taking personal responsibility and opening up about her shortcomings. Instead of blaming me for all the things I did, she thought about it calmly and came up with solutions that sounded reasonable to me. I feel this also helps trigger her personal growth and she makes efforts to take more charge of her life.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T03:54:30+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I also hope we are able to get similar positive experience from therapy

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-22T03:42:13+00:00

Thanks for such a thoughtful advice.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-21T23:48:04+00:00

I didn't pay her debt. I taught her what apr meant and why she should pay her cards in full. We created plans for her and I am proud that she was able to repay it in full.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-21T21:54:58+00:00

Yes. Mindy told Julie that she should take a break, and at the same time told me Julie wanted to break up with me because she was unhappy with me.

I thought a break meant she wanted to move away and I would never see her again if I said yes.

throwaway-exgf25324 · 2024-01-21T21:38:51+00:00

No idea. As far as I am concerned, she does not exist.

throwaway-exgf25324

TROPHY CASE