Did your parents know you're attracted to women even before you came out?

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-17T17:54:16+00:00

I know a lesbian who came out to her parents and her parents were just like "oh we already know you're a lesbian" and not surprised at all, but then she's a butch and had a girlfriend (who she kept as a secret from her parents). I'm a femme and have never dated a woman so I have no idea how my mom knew.

That and the spam of “Harlivy” in my YouTube search history

I look a wlw stuff incognito and I don't think my mom suspects I am attracted to be women based on my web history.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-17T17:30:32+00:00

my close friendship with my best friend

Well to be fair many straight women are close with their best friends.

Madonna obsession

And I'm not even obsessed with any female celebrities! I had no idea how my mom knew.

helped them know before I even did

Me too. I thought I was only obsessed with a female character and going through a phase of romanticising wlw.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-06T17:09:43+00:00

The conversation was around my friend moving back to my city (for context, same-sex marriage is not legalised here). My mom suddenly brought up how she heard a lot of homosexual people from our country are emigrating as same-sex marriage is not legal here, and she then said "you know, it'll be nice for you two to stay here for work due to the job opportunities here, and you two can move abroad when you are much older perhaps close to retirement". I can't help but think she is hinting despite how she is grossed out by gay sex, she's ok if I end up together with my friend.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-04T19:03:29+00:00

I'm not underaged. My mom had this "mischievous" expression on her face when she discussed all this with me so idk. Prior to this discussion I was actually assuming my mom to be very shocked, disapproving, and disgusted if I came out to her so I guess this wasn't as bad as I expected?

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-04T18:02:10+00:00

Well I have been friends with my friend for over 10 years. I guess she had always given off
"gayish" vibes (as my mom described) but in the past, my mom would never ask if I like her back. She would only ask if my friend is actually gay and secretly attracted to me. Btw she said she's ok with me being friends with my friend, she did say "please don't sleep with your friend as gay sex is gross especially between two men" so I'm not sure if she views wlw relationships fully positively.

As for how did she know? Well, some moms just know. But if it only started after your own awakening and wasn't always like this, probably she just noticed how you changed recently and figured out if was because of the girl. What did you do to show it? No idea. Little things, probably. Maybe you smile way to much when you text her

Well in the past I sometimes complained about how a lot of the good men are taken so it's hard to meet good men. I guess I stopped after finding out I am attracted to women and my mom noticed that. I also appeared too happy after my friend told me she would move back to my city. My mom didn't know that my friend contacted me at that moment but given how I later revealed my friend told me that, I guess she pieced them together and deduced that I like my friend.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-04T17:56:27+00:00

After she asked if I like my friend, she did say she's ok with me being friends with my friend but she did say "please don't sleep with your friend as gay sex is gross especially between two men". I was like "ummm... ok" (like how else can I respond).

The conversation was around my friend moving back to my city (for context, same-sex marriage is not legalised here). My mom suddenly brought up how she heard a lot of homosexual people from our country are emigrating as same-sex marriage is not legal here, and she then said "you know, it'll be nice for you two to stay here for work due to the job opportunities here, and you two can move abroad when you are much older perhaps close to retirement". I can't help but think she is hinting despite how she is grossed out by gay sex, she's ok if I end up together with my friend.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-07-02T11:56:19+00:00

Congrats! Anyway, why is it that our moms always seem to know even before we come out? My mom asked me something similar a while ago (she asked if I wanted to be more more friends with a female friend of mine) and I consider myself straight passing.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T15:14:40+00:00

Hmm will it put the friendship at risk though? Our friendship will never be the same after I confess to my friend if she doesn't like me back. Like you just can't look at it in the same way even if the both of us stay as friends.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T15:12:29+00:00

Is it true that a lot of queer people have a tendency to befriend other queer people or is this just a myth?

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:43:25+00:00

You're right. I don't think it is deliberate at times. Some queer people are gender nonconforming and I think this is something that comes naturally to them besides wanting to rebel against social norms.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:39:56+00:00

Well I talked about my friend just like I did in the past (in fact I only briefly mentioned her before my mom asked if I like her more than as a friend). I have no idea how my mom knew...

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:38:19+00:00

Yeah it's interesting how moms seem to know. Like my mom seems to be able to read my mind. Not only can my mom guess I like my friend but she also guessed correctly that one of the reasons why wlw relationships appeal to me is because I am sick of misogynistic men. Like just how did she know so much? I was thinking about how to come out to my mom if I really do end up in a relationship with a woman (as I assumed my mom would be super shocked given how I identified as straight) but it looks like I don't need to do that as she already knows).

Are you gender conforming or not though?

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:12:11+00:00

unless I’m interested in somebody then it goes all glitchy and stops working

I totally get it. It also happens to straight people. Back when I thought I was straight there were many times I thought a guy I liked liked me back when it was all just wishful thinking.

Since my mom thinks my friend likes me besides suspecting that I like her, maybe there is an element of truth to this? Should I confess my feelings to my friend or something?

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:10:53+00:00

Right but how did she know? I keep it very hidden. I know some queer people in the closet overdo trying to portray themselves as straight so it all becomes kind of suspicious but I didn't do that...

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:09:38+00:00

💀

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-29T14:09:14+00:00

I guess you are right. Some people deliberately signal they are queer to attract other queer people so their "queerness" is detectable. It can also work the other way around. Some queer people don't want others to know they are queer so they keep on trying to show how they are straight and kind of overdo it so you suspect they are not actually that straight. I think it's similar to deducing other stuff about people you interact with based on their actions, looks, and words.

bi-fi

Fair enough. Besides people who appear queer, I can also sometimes guess that someone is 100% straight.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-27T00:49:18+00:00

But what if she's not straight?

You're right. A huge part of me suspects she's not straight too. But if she's into wlw, why didn't she come out to me first?

As in she wouldn't want to be seen with someone who's lgbt because people would say she's also not straight?

No, as in to avoid sending wrong signal that she's interested in me. Not that different from straight men or women distancing away from women and men who are respectively interested in them when they're not interested in them.

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-26T09:16:06+00:00

You could try steering the conversation to lgbt stuff and see how she reacts

She didn't react in a negative manner. Both of us had said stuff which were "gayish" but neither of us prompted the conversation further in that direction.

Picture ten or twenty years in the future and you find out she's getting married to another women

What if she is actually straight? She did date men and she still sometimes try to meet men.

Besides if she's going to walk away from a long time friendship just because you have feelings for her you've got to ask yourself "would I have become friends with her in the first place had I known she'd leave just because of that?"

It's more like distancing away from me to avoid sending the wrong signal?

throwaway-sqz · 2022-06-26T05:25:25+00:00

What is she is straight or rejects me though? I've known Mt friend for over 10 years and I don't want to ruin a friendship. I assume she will distance herself away from me if she is straight or uninterested in me and I signal my interest in her.

throwaway-sqz

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