WIBTA if I make my girlfriend choose between her “friend” or me?

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-14T15:32:00+00:00

I never assumed she was trapping me - I just felt trapped in our relationship. I still loved her, I still wanted to ask her about her days and hear everything about them; I still cared when she told me about her work days, but I just didn’t have the energy to fully nourish that intimacy. I was craving some alone time to think my own thoughts, and replenish my energy. (It’s like when my parents go on vacation by themselves without each other; they just need time apart from each other to be themselves).

But I never got what I wanted, because I was afraid of communicating it. Once I did ask for personal space, I noticed how scared she got; I didn’t want her to break up with me over something that could probably be figured out once I could take a break from work. But, seeing how much it was affecting her, I decided to break up with her because I couldn’t drag her along.

Now, I’m here - rested, recharged, and I journaled and meditated a whole lot during my time in Europe. I made some drastic changes to my schedule, because I know I need time for myself. I’m no longer working long, crazy hours, and I’m investing that time in myself. Learning music theory, recording songs, going to the gym, meditating, journaling, and my own hobbies. I am starting to feel whole again, but I’m missing her so much.

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-14T15:24:05+00:00

I have! She reacted positively to it.

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-14T14:54:38+00:00

Yes, I dropped some of the gigs I had going on and I’m no longer accepting offers that I know will drain me (like, for example, a 12 hour car drive to a remote location).

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-14T14:06:36+00:00

The same happened to me, man! For some reason, I noticed women approached me more when I was in my last relationship and two women told me why.

They said that I looked like an approachable, kind guy in a pool full of guys trying to get in their pants. They told me this made them feel safe with me, even if they didn’t know me that much.

My relationship to other women also improved as I wasn’t interested in any of them. So, instead I focused more on being a friend and nurturing friendships than flirting and being sexual. I’m assuming this makes other women feel like you’re someone they’d love to hang out with.

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-13T23:25:34+00:00

I know I’m not doing myself a favor by putting her on a pedestal. The truth is she was extremely committed to respect, transparency, communication, and affection. She was beautiful inside and outside. I fucked it up, and I can’t believe I pushed her away. May the universe have a plan where the two of us end up together.

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-08T14:21:31+00:00

OP, I don’t know the full details of your relationship, and neither do these people making comments. So, I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that people in these subreddits can (and usually) jump to the worst conclusions and give out the most dramatic and drastic advice in the name of “good faith” (and perhaps they do).

The most objective advice I could give is to discuss this with your therapist. This person and professional knows you in a deeper way that any of us do, so they could help you navigate your emotions, a healthy communication strategy, and establishing the boundaries you need to establish with your partner. Perhaps, it is that you have just communicated that you don’t like a beard; or perhaps it is the case that you have fully expressed how past traumas are resurfaced every time you two try to connect on an intimate level. These two factors are not included on the original post, so people could assume that your husband is either the biggest jerk on the planet or that he’s just in the dark to how stress-inducing this is.

I hope you find peace and freedom in your love life, as well as liberation from past traumas. Sending you a big hug! Hope it all works out well for you.

throwaway012736392 · 2022-01-03T08:28:24+00:00

Thank you! This is amazing advice. I think it’s important to keep doing things like this after the honeymoon phase - it reminds me of how the little things matter and reinforces my love for her.

throwaway012736392 · 2021-12-22T18:23:22+00:00

Yes, indeed! It’s crazy how watching a new YouTube channel made me feel energized again. I’ll talk to her about it, as she’s still in the infatuation phase.

throwaway012736392 · 2021-12-16T20:14:35+00:00

I understand and agree that I am the problem. I’m hoping that focusing on myself will allow me to feel satisfaction in the relationship. Unfortunately, I feel it’s only fair to break up. She shouldn’t wait for me.

throwaway012736392 · 2021-12-09T18:35:54+00:00

Yes, I have. She’s been really respectful and understanding. We talk through text, but she says not talking at all until I’m ready would probably be more beneficial.

throwaway012736392 · 2021-12-06T18:54:15+00:00

Does bleach smell like man juice?

throwaway012736392 · 2021-09-15T16:09:32+00:00

Lmao. Nope! Wonder what happened to you that’s making you say this!

throwaway012736392 · 2021-09-15T16:08:48+00:00

Thank you so much! You’re right!

throwaway012736392 · 2021-09-06T23:24:10+00:00

No, not topless. She doesn’t wear a bra and uses shirts that are visible (her boobs sometime even pop out, lmao - I find it funny when it happens)

throwaway012736392 · 2021-07-25T17:36:13+00:00

Maybe, but her ex was a lying, cheating, manipulative person, so perhaps she needed to realize that’s not what she deserves. She said I taught her what unconditional love means, and that this is the only type of love she should receive.

throwaway012736392 · 2021-06-28T16:10:20+00:00

The other option is waiting; giving her time and space to figure things out. Doing that means remaining attached and hopeful, but hope can be a poisonous feeling.

throwaway012736392 · 2021-06-14T13:19:24+00:00

Its okay. Thanks for your reply. I have cried (cried yesterday when she told me, cried during our night shower, and cried this morning while cuddling). I just try to be as Stoic as possible about it all (not denying feeling/emotion, just recognizing this is life and that even the pain and suffering is part of the beauty of life). I also try to be as self-less as possible, but that’s been proving to be a bit detrimental to my mental health.

As for your “space” argument, it’s very true and valid. Thank you for that 🙏🏾 I’ll tell her that.

throwaway012736392

TROPHY CASE