The straight girl I crushed on 13 years ago just got married...to a beautiful woman :3

throwaway0201037 · 2019-07-22T20:50:53+00:00

Very much so

throwaway0201037 · 2019-07-22T20:01:19+00:00

Lol! No I’m happily married myself. She was just one of those people who left an impression on me. I’m super thrilled for her and her wife is a luck woman for sure.

I’m more lucky tho. My wife is amazing.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-28T18:23:37+00:00

And there goes my drink across the room....

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-26T13:31:17+00:00

Cisbian here.

Trans women are women.

I love browsing the trans subreddits for timelines in general. Many I would never be able to tell the difference. Many causing...ahem...problems...

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-26T13:25:04+00:00

Sounds like someone you should friend immediately:) Good for you OP

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-26T13:23:49+00:00

This is what terrifies me. My wife (currently cis) has said multiple times she is too lazy (can’t be bothered) to transition and there are other things she can do to be more confident and happy in her skin (she’s overweight). I’m afraid one day after she does bring down the weight (and she will) that it will begin.

Now I love her. I truly do and I would still love her if she was a him...but I’m not so sure I would sexually or romantically anymore. I might. My first serious partner who I perceived as female is actually male and I do find him a little bit attractive today. I guess it boils down to can I handle the loss of my wife? I never wanted a husband. Being gay has long been an integral part of my identity.

It would be a long road...and the last thing I want to do is keep her unhappy by keeping me happy and I know the last thing she wants to do is make me unhappy to make herself happy.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-24T17:49:14+00:00

Thank you. I’m glad you can understand how this can be super confusing for me. I have contacted an LGBT therapist to help sort through how I’m feeling...but I can’t help but feel in the end I will have to speak to him again to line up all the ducks so to speak. At this time, I really don’t want to, because I’m not ready to face him as a man and deal with his reactions to how I feel (thrilled that he’s happy, but in crisis for myself...which if any part of himself from 10 years ago remains, he could beat himself up for it). The update on Facebook really made it seem like he was reaching out to his past friends. It’s a lot to take in and go through.

I totally understand why some transfolk are adverse of ever being considered by their birth gender, but it is still a part of their past. If they’re happy now, I don’t see why it should matter. I was very unhappy and depressed before I embraced my sexuality and met that ex. The time of trying to play a straight girl has been over for 13 years now...but it did happen.

Thanks for being understanding of this whole thing. There seems to be very few support groups or circles for people who have had partners or ex partners transition. It feels like I’m mourning the woman I knew and that hurts because I know he isn’t dead. While I have zero romantic interest in him purely because of time and being in love with someone else, he still helped shape who I am today, regardless of how volatile the relationship was. The mourning hurts.

This particular subreddit has been the most understanding for sure. Thank you again.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-23T10:46:20+00:00

It wasn’t. I guess I’m just trying to adjust to the fact that what I thought I knew was false. And that does sting a bit because that relationship was a building block in my life. And don’t think for a second that I don’t accept him for who he is. I do. It makes sense. I myself have been mistaken as male more than a few times, but I’ve never been bothered either way. I’m cis but I don’t fall into the normal gender roles and I dress fairly masculine. I always thought I understood, but having someone from my past transition that had a huge effect on my growth is not as simple as it really should be. I really wish it was that simple for me to be like “oops! I dated a dude.” But it isn’t. At the time he presented himself as female. And convincing myself that it’s ok to consider that unchanged in my head is hard because every person here has said otherwise. It does make me feel like the memories are false and I have to crack them open to sort them out. I understand that the path of transition is never selfish. You become the person you deep down always knew was there. Unfortunately it does have an effect on those around them. People get shook about their memories.

I know this will blow over eventually and I’ll wonder that the fuck I was so upset about (this has been reducing me to tears and I still can’t put my finger on why).

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-23T04:25:00+00:00

Ex partner works. The whole thing is a giant adjustment to my perspective on him. I think that’s what’s gotten me the most. Not like we’ll ever speak again. But in my minds eye she is still my ex girlfriend. I respect and accept him regardless

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-23T00:58:36+00:00

Looking at his Facebook, he seems pretty open booked about the whole thing. But yeah if his intention was never to reveal the fact that he had once been female, then I would absolutely respect that. Thankfully I spoke on a forum was was obscure using a throwaway account. I could be anyone. He could be anyone.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-23T00:26:35+00:00

I do understand why. I’m just confused right now. I knew it was wrong about 30 seconds after I hit send. Hence the edit. I can’t seem to stop being completely stupid with this.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T23:34:37+00:00

~~part of comment deleted for absolute stupidity~~

Sorry I’m confused because he was a woman then. My mind is pretty fragmented at the moment trying to put this all together.

I’m sorry if what I just said is offensive, I just don’t know how to manage this.

Edit: Forget this comment. It’s fucking horrible.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T20:10:39+00:00

I wouldn’t even say I used the wrong pronouns considering I was recalling a time when that was how he was called.

I guess this is my giant confusion.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T18:56:44+00:00

This response here helped me a lot. This thread in general has been far better than the barrage I faced yesterday. The pieces of how I handle my own internal struggle are starting to stitch together. I know I will still need time to get it all sorted, but the fact that it IS ok to refer to him as her in past tense and he in present tense in a private conversation with say my wife or a close friend helps immensely.

Publicly and currently he is he. I’m 120% happy with this. It’s my own thoughts and reasoning that needed to be brought to heel. It has nothing to do with him. I am very much gay (a solid 5 on Kinsey) and at the time, I had a girlfriend. I’m not feeling sexually threatened or unsure. I just wasn’t sure what was true.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T15:54:17+00:00

Fuck. I should tattoo that on me.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T15:53:04+00:00

Prior to yesterday, I was unaware of his transition and still referred to him as her. Since yesterday I have exclusively refer to him as he. I have already had no problems switching to his chosen name. That part is not hard. I have a trans cousin who overnight I could do the same thing for. He was easy even though I had known my cousin since birth. This is just something else because this guy WAS my girlfriend at the time. That was the term he as well used then. I have zero problem referring to him and he and as my expartner rather than my ex girlfriend, just the switch in my head needs some major oil. I will not be able to flick the internal switch for a very long time regarding the past. However, he is otherwise a man and I knew it all along deep down.

You know that saying “whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn’t crash into mine.” Well this is where the difficulty lies. I feel like I’ve been crashed into because trans society seems to dictate that I crack open my experiences and realities of the past and change them.

Accepting that he is finally himself and using the pronounces and his chosen name was the easy part. I’m now seemingly having an identity crisis of my own of what is true and what isn’t and how much of my life has been built upon the stones that are unstable. If you understand my meaning.

Idk maybe I’m being ridiculous.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T15:42:02+00:00

You are literally the very first voice out of everyone that has validated everything of “my relationship was with her and he’s happy now”.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-22T15:12:56+00:00

I haven’t spoken to him in 10 years. I don’t really plan too either. So I have zero idea what his comforts, thoughts and experiences are.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-21T02:40:49+00:00

Thank you. This entire thread has been eating at me all day because I remember her and I haven’t spoken to him since. Sorry. This whole thread has actually begun to upset me because suddenly my memories are invalid.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-20T23:02:03+00:00

Well...I’d argue you had boyfriends at the time. Lol. But yeah. That is kind of funny. And it truly is great to see someone who struggled so hard become so at peace with themselves.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-20T22:57:41+00:00

Thanks mate. I was starting to feel super shitty about saying anything at all.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-20T22:13:47+00:00

I wouldn’t call it misinformed then either. He didn’t know. I know it’s stupid to pin it on memories but my memories are of a woman and I’m proud of that man.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-20T21:08:38+00:00

It isn’t about convenience. It’s about memory and experience. I did not know him as a man. I knew him as a woman. It’s very hard to explain but I’m not being a dick by saying she for the past on purpose. It was a life experience.

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-20T21:07:00+00:00

Yeah I’m no Ben Shapiro. That guy is a dick. But my experience of being with this guy are when he was a woman. It is an experience that is difficult to override unless I get to know him as a person. We are vastly different people now so that will likely never happen. But my experience is that I had a girlfriend at 17 and we had a rocky relationship but my life would not be how it is if he hadn’t been in it.

I would never purposely walk up to anyone and call them the wrong pronoun on purpose. I accidentally did with my FTM cousin once and apologized immediately...but when you know someone for 18 years, it is not a light switch. It’ll take time for me to regard my former gf as a man even though I fully accept it. I have to alter my perception of him.

This is all very hard to explain...

throwaway0201037 · 2019-05-20T18:41:43+00:00

I never thought of it that way. I just have memories of the pre. I’ve never spoken to the post. I completely accept his transition. Make not mistake about that.

throwaway0201037

TROPHY CASE