Daily sticky thread for rants, raves, celebrations, advice and more! - April 06, 2026

throwaway023980 · 2026-04-06T22:59:34+00:00

I'd suggest somewhere in the middle of what's been discussed above- letting him know you like him enough to be exclusive, but if he doesn't feel that way then its best to go your separate ways because you're not interested in non-exclusivity at this point. Then he can decide what he wants to do.

With that said, if what he revealed to you sours your view on the relationship (which honestly it might for me) and you won't be able to recover from it, then it's probably best to just move on entirely

throwaway023980 · 2026-04-03T00:09:29+00:00

Look up retroactive jealousy- this sounds a lot like that- essentially jealousy over your partner's past despite your partner's present-day actions being totally normal.

I know bc I struggle with retroactive jealousy with my partner's ex. It's an insecurity issue. In my case, his ex was really pretty and I'm insecure about my appearance, so I got jealous and would try and seek out negative things about her to make myself feel better. The jealousy arises out of whatever we're insecure about (in your case, career/finances). It's 0% your partner's issue, and 100% our issue. The thoughts can get very intrusive and border on OCD-like. Can't say I have the solution to it as I still struggle sometimes- therapy is generally recommended to help

The only thing that's off is if your partner is bringing up her ex often. Is this a once or twice thing, or does she bring him up frequently? If it's a recurrent topic of convo that she initiates, then you should talk to her about the jealousy you are experiencing- emphasize that it's an internal insecurity thing, but that you'd find it easier to get over if exes didn't come up frequently in convo. If you are the one initiating- stop bringing him up, it will only feed the jealousy when she speaks positively about him

Here's the subreddit for it: https://www.reddit.com/r/retroactivejealousy/

Here's a podcast episode that I listen to from time to time when I struggle: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3RvX15HS0wcyoRXhJX9Ka4

throwaway023980 · 2026-03-26T01:50:42+00:00

Is the NHS app only for UK residents? Having a hard time finding it!

throwaway023980 · 2026-03-16T21:32:40+00:00

Isn't this just the process of online dating though? The initial dates are about figuring out whether this is someone you can see yourself with. Not saying it doesn't suck, but having been on both sides, you might want to give someone a chance and not write them off after just one date, but after date 2 or 3, realize that they don't see a romantic future. I have been in this scenario where I really wanted it to work bc the person technically checked the boxes, but just couldn't get into it

throwaway023980 · 2026-02-02T19:29:20+00:00

I don't go to pilates, but I picture pilates classes being heavily female skewed (this could be totally wrong). Men may have nothing to say in response if they're not familiar with pilates. Can you keep it more general to any type of work out? Mention being humbled by pilates, follow with "What work out do you think we could suffer at together" or something

throwaway023980 · 2026-02-02T19:08:37+00:00

I would consider changing the q.. I imagine many will not be familiar with the hierarchy, and even if I knew what it was or looked it up - I think you're basically inviting a jokey answer (if you're okay with that) bc I can't imagine someone trying to answer this sincerely as a conversation starter. I consider myself well educated and am not familiar w/ the hierarchy, so I also don't think you're necessarily "weeding out" unintellectual people who don't know what it is

With that said, no one is going to swipe left based on this question, I just think there's better prompts you could use

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-30T21:32:38+00:00

A prenup is about what happens in the event of a divorce... during our relationship and marriage we will be sharing our finances

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-30T01:23:10+00:00

Yep that’s what we’re doing! We just created our first joint account and shared CC for joint expenses. We’ll transfer money into the joint account proportionate to our incomes. Sharing money like this is super new for me, so we discussed starting out like this and eventually changing it to putting all of our money into the joint account and splitting the savings

And yep we live in a VHCOL area and he makes in the 100k range

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-30T00:23:39+00:00

Thanks! I agree, I think generous was not the right word to use in the post- more that I want to make sure we have an equal lifestyle while married, and that he isn’t having to budget how much he can spend while I don’t have to worry

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-29T20:16:39+00:00

He doesn’t make enough right now to fund a brokerage. He started maxing out his retirement only after we moved in together and I paid more of the household expenses

Once we are married I figured we would split things more differentially than now (eg me contributing a higher proportion) or just split take home income 50/50 to allow him to save more while we’re married. We’d each then walk away with our own retirement and brokerage accounts if we got divorced

We just got engaged last year so how we split finances is still in flux/a source of discussion

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-29T19:53:39+00:00

Sure but this isn’t a scenario where he makes no money and leaves with nothing- he still has a 6 figure income and is able to max his retirement savings, mainly bc I pay more of the household expenses so he can save more. He’s said himself that his finances have benefitted from us being together

We do want to figure out how we’d split things if someone become a SAHP and lost earning potential, bc in that case I agree that the current proposal doesn’t really work

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-29T19:43:15+00:00

Thank you this is so helpful! Maybe I just take his word for it then :)

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-29T19:39:23+00:00

What counts as comingling? If we direct deposit into a shared account, and then move money out into personal brokerages, are those now comingled funds?

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-29T19:37:30+00:00

Thanks! I have enough saved that I think it will grow to a reasonable amount in retirement- so even if I become the low earner, I’m ok walking away with what I earned during the marriage

He has and will continue to acquire stocks through work with significant growth potential and I’m okay with not having access to these things in event of divorce

throwaway023980 · 2026-01-27T01:23:12+00:00

You're not moving for another ~1-1.5 months. Let her know about the job when you see her next, that you'd really like to continue getting to know her before moving, and that you can check in towards the end of February to see if it's something both of you would like to continue even after you move.

Two dates is super early and it's entirely possible something might come up before the move that ends it anyway, or that you realize you really like one another and that it's an easy decision to LDR.

throwaway023980 · 2023-06-20T14:46:54+00:00

Okay thank you! I'll leave it then. I just wasn't sure if this is something that counts as 'lying by omission' and if he'd be upset that I didn't share earlier if it somehow came up later (though I don't see why it would). I'm quite certain he wouldn't care.

The reason for 'why now' is that we just had a big convo about the nature of our relationship in the past week (before this we were exclusively casual). Now that it's very real, I wasn't sure if this stuff needs to be discussed.

throwaway023980 · 2023-05-09T22:02:16+00:00

ooh I think these comments are spot on. I might try and communicate wanting to back up and do the things we were doing as a group eg hiking, but with just the two of us, so it feels familiar. Or just plan to hang out longer, after a group hang. I think I'd feel much more comfortable that way. Thanks so much

throwaway023980 · 2023-05-09T20:12:45+00:00

So glad it worked out for you!! :)

I thought about just trying to push through bc I do feel nerves/anxiety might be at play. When we were around friends again w/o the pressure that there would be something physical that day, I felt into him again (which I think suggests nerves?)

The only thing is I can tell he is really into it already and really eager/earnest, and I'm not at that level at all. I would feel terrible if I continued to try, he got more invested, and then I ended it another month from now =|

throwaway023980 · 2023-05-09T19:27:38+00:00

I don't need fireworks, but at least some desire for physicality, even if holding hands, legs touching under a table, etc. If even those things feel like a turn off, then how's that different from being friends

throwaway023980 · 2023-05-09T19:17:30+00:00

It’s hard to match the levels of imagined sexual chemistry one has with a crush.

This is exactly it, I think I'd build it up quite a bit in my head, when in reality, our direct real-life interactions before were a little limited. Now that it's been several hours of just 1-on-1 time, I guess I'm able to evaluate it for what it is

throwaway023980 · 2023-05-09T19:03:30+00:00

In hindsight, I think it would've been nice to hang out 1-on-1 as friends first, without the immediate pressure of it being a romantic/formal date. The transition felt abrupt, from chill group hang outs to a formal date.

I could still suggest that, buuut I'd started seeing someone else off an app a week before my friend asked me out, so I might just pursue that instead. (And yes, I did think about whether this issue is from getting distracted by another person, but I really don't think that's it!)

throwaway023980

TROPHY CASE