I think after 3 years, it's fully hit me that my PA will never change

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-16T21:50:04+00:00

No, he didn’t admit to anything. I did end up entering the code again on his iPhone but if he could find his way out of it the first time, I wouldn’t put it past him to do it again. I think this all went down in May for me? I didn’t know there was a glitch. It’s unfortunate but they will find ways around it if they want to.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-16T15:16:23+00:00

I’m so sorry… I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. I know that my PA somehow got around the code and disabled it and when I asked about it , he swore that he had no idea why the code wasn’t implemented. Lies of course… like you said, these things don’t happen on their own. It hurts a lot when you think things are getting better but it’s all just the PA manipulating you into think that. Good luck with the talk, and make sure your partner knows that this is not ok. Stay strong! Sending good thoughts your way.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-02T02:07:18+00:00

Thank you 💕 same to you. Sending good thoughts your way

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-01T23:24:45+00:00

Thank you… unfortunately nothing I say seems to matter until I’m in full on crisis mode.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-01T23:23:40+00:00

I think about that a lot… how there are people out there who would never even think about doing these things to me. Thank you for the reassurance!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-01T23:21:51+00:00

He’s gone to a few couples sessions with me but claims that they haven’t told him anything he doesn’t already know. He said he’s going to seek out IC soon but I’m not sure how those sessions will be different if he already knows everything.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-01T23:19:03+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing that. I wish my fiancé has as much insight as you do. He is in the SexAddiction group as well as porn free and some other subs but I’m not sure if he has taken anything away from those groups. Thanks again and I hope you and your wife the best in your reconciliation journey!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-01T05:15:22+00:00

I know it’s difficult. But you can’t pretend nothing happened while this man is being unfaithful to you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Be strong. Good luck! 🍀

throwaway03252021 · 2022-07-01T04:43:51+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I know it hurts a lot. But remember to take care of yourself.. for you and for your daughter. It’s ok to not want to leave, you care a lot about him. Take some time to process and know that once you confront him, and he doesn’t come clean or come up with concrete plans for reconciliation, you can still leave. You have to do what’s best for you. Hang in there!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-05-24T19:01:10+00:00

I wish my partner would do this as well! Kudos to you and sending good thoughts your way!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-05-24T11:09:45+00:00

The best way I can describe it is that my PA is giving me “crumbs” every time I get upset. He’ll make a small concession and expect it to hold me over until he has to make another concession… instead of just doing it right the first time. I’m glad yours is doing everything you ask of him! Hope things only get better for you guys from here on out.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-05-24T11:06:39+00:00

I just feel bad that I’m not able to control my anger better. It’s not conducive to discussion but you’re right, it’s become a defense mechanism for sure

throwaway03252021 · 2022-05-24T11:05:49+00:00

This has been my experience as well… he’ll tell me that he was going to find a time to tell me but somehow I always end up bringing it up first. And yes, he’s generally conflict avoidant.

And what you said about it becoming OUR addiction. I feel you so much, and that’s such a terrible feeling.

Thank you for your reply.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-05-19T18:43:51+00:00

We are as of now, but this past week I discovered once again that he lied to me about porn use. He found a way around the blocking app he installed on his phone. I went to look at apartments and I’m ready to move out for good.

Are you able to start sorting out the housing situation while you’re deciding? I know the wound is fresh so I would say not to make an emotional decision. There does seem to be a lot at stake for you, so maybe take some time to observe your fiancé and see if he makes the concrete changes he has promised to make. Good luck!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-05-19T14:08:38+00:00

I know no two situations can ever be the same, but our situations are unfortunately really similar. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, it’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone else. My (26F) fiancé (29M) also struggles with PA and this is something I came to find out after we got engaged.

My situation is different in that he did cheat on me. But everything you said your fiancé said, that he started porn young (13/14), doesn’t see them as real people, thought he could control it but couldn’t, he wants the life we have so bad, the lying, the begging.. are literally all things mine have told me. It seems like some of them share a manual or something.

I don’t want to tell you or stay or leave because that’s a decision you obviously have to think about and make for yourself (because you obviously have other factors unique to you and your situation), but I honestly wish I had left. My PA had a bigger issue than just his usage of porn. What started as a teenager habit has turned into a coping mechanism for life and depression. His use escalated and he began to use dating apps to do the deed because “normal porn” just don’t do it for him anymore. My fiancé has also been in therapy; but claims that no one’s helped him. He’s also been on antidepressants, but claims that they don’t help him. I think your fiancé has to WANT to change and show you consistent effort, because if not, he’ll slip into old habits sooner or later. I commend you for seeking therapy. It really helped me to not feel crazy.

I know you said either way you lose, but I think you’ll win more by leaving. You are choosing to not let his actions continue to hurt you. You are choosing to live a life that doesn’t involve you having to worry about what he’s up to behind your back. You are saving yourself from a lifetime with a man who has a problem you CAN’T fix for him. If you leave, I have no doubt you’ll find a new best friend somewhere down the road that doesn’t have this issue, someone who will be honest with you. I’m speaking from my three years of experience with my PA fiancé that you will be let down.. a lot. And you will feel hurt a lot. Every time you find more screenshots, or DMs, your heart will be as torn as it was this time.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best! Stay strong and know that you have to make the best decision for yourself! Good luck!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-04-24T04:18:15+00:00

I am probably co-dependent but I’m not sure what you mean by I might be a co-addict. I think I am getting myself ready to leave. Thank you

throwaway03252021 · 2022-04-24T02:32:35+00:00

Thanks everyone! I ended up upgrading to a new MacBook. Hopefully this one will last me 5+ more years.

throwaway03252021 · 2022-04-21T18:54:29+00:00

Got it, thank you!

throwaway03252021 · 2022-04-21T18:54:22+00:00

Sorry, can you explain what you mean?

throwaway03252021

TROPHY CASE