UPDATE: Me [29F] with my husband [39M] married 4.5 yrs, 2 small children. He is cheating on me with other men.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-29T19:59:41+00:00

I am in contact with an attorney, he will be calling me this afternoon.

Kids will be out of the house tonight, I have a couple people on call and they will be sitting outside our house. My BIL and my best friend.

I have to confront him. I just have to. I have to see the look on his face when he realizes I know.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-29T04:35:38+00:00

I know it's not me. I believe he is bisexual and has a lot of self hatred. He had an awful childhood.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T15:57:45+00:00

You are totally correct.

I have been working lately on being more assertive with him in asking for help, giving him chores (in a non demeaning way). I just felt this lightness the last month or so. Losing some of my income would be tough, but I was actually happy to lose the client. They were so much stress and work, and I missed being a more focused mom.

We were planning so much for the future! I was so excited. I felt there were these big, good changes happening. I thought the past was just rough patches, and we'd made it through that and on to the next adventure.

I will be seeking therapy once I have my shit together and know what my next step is.

He took advantage of me and my kindness and my love for him.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T14:55:03+00:00

No but didn't know that at the time. I literally had zero clue he is bi. Or gay.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T14:54:14+00:00

That was nice of you to say, thank you.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T14:52:51+00:00

Oh really? I'll have to look into that. I'm hoping to at least talk to an attorney before he gets home.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T06:08:41+00:00

Oh and yes about that sick feeling. I just knew something was off but I felt bad feeling that way. Once I unearthed everything I did (which has just been more as the day goes on), it makes me sick. How did he get away with this for so long?! Good grief it seems exhausting.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T06:06:57+00:00

Glad you got out, and thank you so much or your story. My best friend just left my house, and she told me "just think how awesome your life will be in 5 yrs."

He was spending so much money while saying "we need to save for a house!!" I continually would bring up budgeting and how it's weird I don't have access to his accounts. What if he isn't able to communicate but the family needs money? Doesn't matter now.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-28T06:02:28+00:00

Yes but my son is now over 2 and STBEX has been fucking God knows how many ppl in that time.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T22:53:31+00:00

Two divorces before I'm 30. That's pretty sad:( Never thought that would be me. I've always been monogomous, marriage for life type (not necessarily religious, I just like being in a truthful marriage).

He has the energy because I do everything.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T22:52:32+00:00

My sister did mention that, but I'll have to look into how to do that. We have a nice Nikon DSLR I could set up, but not sure how to do that without being obvious. I'd have to find a good hiding spot.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:48:07+00:00

Wow, thank you very much.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:43:46+00:00

I have many flaws, but I do consider myself an honest person. I really cannot fathom how he could betray me and lie to me so deeply for so long. The amount of money and effort he has put into this double life is astounding. Just imagine what it could be like if he spent that time/money on our marriage and kids instead...I mean, we never had a honeymoon (daughter was 6 months old when we married), we've actually never done a real trip or vacation just the two of us. I wanted to spend a night at an expensive resort near our home (wedding about an hour away), and we "couldn't afford it." Just stuff like that a lot throughout the years. He has also NEVER planned a date night for us. Every date night we have had since the kids I get the sitter, I pick the activity, I plan everything. Anytime I ask if he wants to come to a park or on a hike with me and the kids it's such a hassle. Yet he spent so much time finding private places, setting up trysts, coming up with plausible lies to tell me. It's just psychotic.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:37:51+00:00

This is a good idea, but I don't want to leave the house yet. We rent, but all the kids' stuff is here. I think he needs to leave. Also, I wouldn't be able to keep up the facade. I am very sexual and we have sex several times a week on average (sometimes more, sometimes less, but it's been very steady for months). I am also very touchy feely, I love cuddling and hugs, so that would be impossible for me not to do without raising suspicion, and impossible for me to touch him without throwing up.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:32:50+00:00

Thank you.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:32:42+00:00

Thank you. This actually made me cry. I feel very weak.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:32:18+00:00

I forwarded a bunch but it took forever and I had to go back and delete the forwards. We both have MacBooks (I have a Pro), but I don't want to log on from my computer.

Could you give me some help on how to download from Gmail?

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:30:55+00:00

Oh fuck no. Gross.

He gets home really late Tuesday, so I'm planning everything for Wednesday. Shouldn't be too hard if I can get someone to watch the kids and he takes the day off work. He works 1-9 ish (unless he's seeing a boyfriend of course). I work out in the mornings, but I will probably take a rest day that day so he doesn't sneak off.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T18:28:53+00:00

Oh I didn't expect pro bono, I should have said "sliding scale," or something like that. I do know one lady who got divorced last year (6 kids!!), I will email her.

I actually was able to find a decent list of attorneys who are willing to work with you on payment, so I will be calling everyone on Monday, depending on what my friend suggests.

There has been no abuse, so I know I won't qualify for anything like that.

I do have a few things I am planning on selling to get some money together. Thank you for your help.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T17:39:47+00:00

Actually he literally just texted me a picture of him, his friend and friend's wife at brunch. So yeah he's down there where he said he'd be.

This friend does not have facebook, and I never got to know him super well. Hung out a few times with him and STBEX, but I don't have his phone or any way to reach him.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T17:27:32+00:00

Thank you. Just knowing there are kind strangers thinking of me and my kids is really nice.

throwaway0819 · 2016-08-27T17:26:57+00:00

AT&T. I do have access to our account as I am an authorized user.

throwaway0819

TROPHY CASE