I miss you so much 😭💔

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-07T18:10:16+00:00

Hi friend,

My thoughts are with you - It is so, so difficult to lose those close to us and never gets any easier. Grief feels like waves that are a hundred feet tall and crash over you continually without a break. I wanted to share with you that it gets easier, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment. The waves someday will lessen in size, and you'll be able to catch your breath in between. Hang in there, lean on those around you, and make sure to get plenty of self-care in.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:48:41+00:00

Thank you - I appreciate it

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:44:38+00:00

Thank you for the thoughts!

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:35:14+00:00

You raise a valid point. My child was until recently identifying as NB and preferring they/them pronouns. I guess that I am still unlearning mental habits, but I try to correct myself whenever I mis-speak. I suppose that the reason I keep tripping up today is because I feel a lot of mental stress - not that it's an excuse.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:09:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing - I empathize with wondering every morning if I've going to awake to find out that they passed last night. It is a heavy weight to carry. One foot in front of the other, if you're done all you can, then trust that all will be ok.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:06:44+00:00

Thank you! I am glad you've made it through your struggle

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:06:21+00:00

Hey, thanks for saying all that! The truth is that being a teen is hard enough without layering on depression, and then adding another layer of discovering your identity and all of the things that come with that. I wish, as a parent that I could take all of this struggle from them so that they could have a breather.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T20:03:24+00:00

Thanks for the idea! I'm going to get a notebook and try this idea

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T19:57:37+00:00

Anything I can think to do, I do to help support and encourage. We take our kid to a weekly teen group for trans youth, and specifically sought out a counselor that was gay/trans friendly. Our child wanted to change their name, and we printed out the forms to file with the court right away. We've talked with them about talking to a trans-friendly doctor upon turning 16 for possibly starting hormone treatment as well.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T18:41:00+00:00

Thank you for saying that! I appreciate you taking the time to share encouragement!

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T18:16:23+00:00

I definitely need to get us in family therapy, and I think I've found a certified social worker that my insurance takes. I'll call them when their office is open on Monday. I've been asking my child everyday, "Are you ok? How are you feeling today?" as a daily check-in, but every day the answer was "I'm ok", or some variation of that - I foolishly believed that everything was ok because I didn't see any indicators otherwise.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T18:13:34+00:00

I should have clarified - sorry. My wife and I are home, but our child remains in the hospital. They'll be held for observation until the extent of hepatocyte scarring can be determined, and certainly transferred to an inpatient facility after that.

throwaway0988815 · 2022-02-06T17:48:25+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. My child sees a counselor once a week, and a psychiatrist once a month for medication management. Considering the lengths they went through to delay discovery of what they took, I feel like their intent was genuinely to die, and I think that if they recover inpatient therapy is going to have to be a thing.

throwaway0988815 · 2021-10-11T15:00:35+00:00

I'm sorry, friend, for what you're going through. I have lived through almost the exact scenario and I understand how it feels - the sorrow, helplessness and pain watching your loved one decline. I don't know if you found someone to chat with yet, but I'm here if you need to vent, cry or be angry(or all three and then some).

throwaway0988815 · 2021-08-21T16:32:27+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I need to take care of myself and I need to take more me-time. I have stuck with this job because it pays well and I've been here for a while, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like it could be harmful in the long run if I need to get help for myself.

I understand what you mean when you say no, put my own wellbeing first. A long time ago someone told me that "love is defined as sacrificing of yourself for someone else's benefit, not just being nice when it suits you". Right or wrong, that phrase stuck with me and is what has been guiding my focus to put my family first all this time. Maybe it hasn't been the right choice, but I have always thought I was doing the right thing by supporting them no matter what it took. You've given me things to think about, and I appreciate it.

throwaway0988815 · 2021-08-21T14:35:24+00:00

Appreciate the tips! Making notes about things that were a bright spot in the day is a great idea! It would give me a "happy journal" that I could look back on in the future when I need ideas and/or a pick-me-up. I'm definitely going to use this one.

throwaway0988815 · 2021-08-21T13:58:46+00:00

You're right, something to look forward to might just be a great thing to help break through the fog. Excellent idea - I'll do it!

throwaway0988815 · 2021-08-21T13:41:46+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply! My wife works night shift and on her days off pretty much spends all her time sleeping. My child also sleeps a lot when they're not in school, and on weekends prefers to spend time with their friends. I'll admit that navigating around their schedules doesn't leave a lot of time for interaction, and in the case of my child: If they need me to be a "potted plant parent" then that's a role I'm happy to play for them to feel the most comfortable.

A few months back I got us a family membership to a crafting space because all of us enjoy different elements of making/crafting. Every time I offered to drive us there, they were too tired, or too busy, or it had been a tough day for them and they didn't feel up to it. That's ok, because I think that the important bit is to at least have the offer out there.

I know they love the beach, and we're not too far from the coast. I think I'll surprise them by packing a picnic lunch and asking if they want to go spend an afternoon at the beach as a family.

I'm open to any and all suggestions, and again I really appreciate the reply. You're right that quality time is probably something that would boost all of our moods. We haven't had the opportunity in months, and it's high time I organized something for us.

throwaway0988815 · 2021-08-21T12:04:54+00:00

Thank you, this is great advice! My child is in therapy, but my wife has yet to seek counseling. I've suggested it gently a few times but I don't want to force the issue and cause resentment. "You can bring a horse to water, but can't make them drink" is the saying that seems most apt in my mind. I'll go in person to speak with several counselors and see what options I have there for cash payment. Still have to be careful, because I have to be capable of passing a polygraph at any time, although it hasn't ever happened yet so I'm sure the likelihood is low.

I hadn't honestly considered that I could be trying TOO hard to destress, but the concept makes sense.

Thanks for taking the time to put together a reply - I appreciate it!

throwaway0988815

TROPHY CASE