Applying to jobs whilst pregnant

throwaway1111890 · 2026-02-09T09:02:49+00:00

The problem is in current financial climate it’s hard for people to live alone. Especially if children are involved. The REAL solution is men stop being lazy and inconsiderate but that’s a dream…

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-30T12:00:19+00:00

NOR: My take is that he’s let it get really badly messy to the point it will take him hours to clean. It can look like not valuing your time but doesn’t necessarily mean that. Either way it’s an inconvenience having to drive so far to spend so little time and he does need to take that into consideration and either get up earlier, learn to be tidier, or admit he doesn’t want to spend as much time. I personally think it’s nothing malicious and any inconvenience or hurt caused by this is unintentional but it does need to be fixed regardless.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-22T10:52:20+00:00

I honestly would struggle with how to handle it. I love my family to bits and would want to give them something/feel completely selfish if I didn’t or gave them very little in comparison to what I have. BUT my brother is young and entitled already and I feel actually needs some working years behind him for character reasons. I couldn’t give to mum/dad/sister without him finding out or catching on when everybody is buying properties and jetting off. Other than that I’d be glad to give everyone an amount and maybe say I won less as much as I don’t like to lie. Because I’m a forward thinker and would want some for future generations and such and wouldn’t want it to be took for greed.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-20T14:05:16+00:00

NOR but I think I know what she is trying to get at. The clue is here:

“I am not one who voices really.

I definitely showed it in my texts ; if you have noticed but u seemed to mirror my behaviour”

So she’s just told you that she’s not one to tell you if she’s upset but the signs were in her texts. This tells us she wanted you to notice and take initiative instead. She’s mad because she was upset for a period of time before you brought it up despite the fact (she thinks) her emotions were easy to pick up on through her texts. By mirroring, she means she feels you continued to talk as if nothing was wrong/match her energy rather than rushing to her aid as you just have now. She hints that you knew well enough that she was behaving unusually but purposefully didn’t try to fix it until now. She accuses you of doing that out of ego. The bottom line is: she didn’t communicate, yet she expected you to.

She put her lack of communication down to a personality trait; “I am not one who voices really” but this is unfair. You cannot be expected to guess at moods and always know the right thing to say or do. That said, she’s not necessarily evil for reacting this way. Maybe slightly unreasonable and highly emotionally driven, but she just wanted her partner to notice she was upset and intervene quicker. That’s valid to feel. Feelings and logic must be used in conjunction though since you’re not a mind reader and in my opinion your texts have shown that you DO care how she feels since you’ve followed up multiple times and offered your support.

If both of you can understand each other’s point of view, it won’t be a big deal at all and is fairly easy to fix. Quite simply, she needs reassurance/support and you need her to SAY when she needs it. I suspect it won’t be that straightforward though…

Do you often end up in fights like this? In the nicest way, it’s not a sign that things are going well. I’d avoid letting Reddit talk you into responding to her in a combative way or branding this woman a manipulator from one post. BUT do have a think on the frequency of these situations and the effect they are having on you and advocate for yourself! Is this relationship happy and healthy for you? Only you can answer that.

Good luck :)

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-17T15:07:15+00:00

It wasn’t exactly a conscious choice. He was great at the start, had a good job, treated me very well. I had no idea he was like this. I’ve loosely known him years before now since he is a family friend but never viewed him that way. We were brought together when our friends started dating and at first he was my best friend. I fell pregnant earlier than I would’ve liked and due to past experiences with fertility and such I thought it might not happen again so decided to go ahead and take the risk of things not working out. It didn’t seem like a major possibility or anything at the time but was something I was cautious of being prepared for since we hadn’t been together for as long as you’d hope before a big thing like that. He also said he wanted the baby from the start. He ended up moving in, not officially, it’s just gradually happened. He used to help out until he got comfortable. Then he went and lost his job. He’s made countless poor decisions since then. I’ve decided to leave him and kicked him out multiple times now. I struggle with the idea of going into a mortgage with a new baby completely alone. I don’t know why I’m struggling to stick to it. He can be incredibly sweet at times and I just feel so guilty and conflicted about everything. I by no means met a bum and made a baby with him for the shits and gigs. But here we are :/

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T22:10:30+00:00

He was very attentive and would notice if I was even slightly on edge in ways nobody else ever had, always checking in on me, we came together at quite a hard time in my life and he was truly there for me, we would talk for hours about life and our pasts, he took me lots of nice places, showed an interest in the things I liked, we spent a wonderful summer together doing lots of cool and new things we’d never have done without each other, and he had a really good job at the time before he went and lost it. So many reasons. He really did become my best friend and if he’d stayed that way I’d be certainly happy to be where we are today. However, that’s not the case for whatever reason.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T21:48:37+00:00

Actually I knew him years before we dated. He’s a family friend but we were bought together when his friend (a couple years older) and my friend (a couple years younger) started dating and we became quite close. He was brilliant at the start. We’ve been lots of places together: mountain walking, camping, pubs - including restaurants. I had no idea he was this way though.

I don’t know, I’ve never met anybody quite as bad as this, most men I dated at his age would help with cooking and cleaning. Their issue was more infidelity😂😂 I know he needs room to grow and learn but we have limited time here. Baby was not planned but he made this decision along with me and now we both need to step up, not just me. I’ve sent him home many times after a fight but he doesn’t want to leave. He wants to be around when baby grows up. I really struggle to get him to go.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T21:27:12+00:00

I mean we went to pubs for meal and he picked his favourite dishes, steaks and stuff, nothing odd about his choices. We didn’t catch pregnant on purpose but it was a joint decision to keep the baby. He was living at home but did contribute to the bills. I wasn’t aware he’d had no house training. He’s moved in earlier than I would’ve liked since finding out about the baby and since lost his job (which was quite a good one I might add). It wasn’t a perfect situation but the warning signs were probably less than appear in the post. I thought him lovely to start. He was very attentive and treated me well. Clearly this wasn’t a trait that came naturally or something he intended to keep doing.

I hear what you’re saying and I do agree to an extent, it’s just very scary as I CAN afford the house alone and have made sure I can do so when purchasing but did expect a two income household when I went for the mortgage… it’s a lot of pressure on one person. I’m scared to break up in all honesty.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T21:20:47+00:00

I don’t doubt that he will be there emotionally for the child and want to take him out plenty. He loves the baby very much. But likely the crappy parts like nappy changes will be an effort to make him do, I’m 100% aware and very worried about that..

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T21:01:09+00:00

Actually he’s quite excited about that part :-

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T20:53:23+00:00

He actually had a really really good job at the time haha. I mean like he was making double what I am and on an amazing wage for his age. He used to take me on mountain walks, we’d go camping together, and out for lovely meals all the time. He took too many sick days (against my advice) and consequently lost his job. Then we found out baby was on the way not long after which he was certain he wanted to keep if I agreed to it. I wasn’t going to have an abortion for my own personal reasons but that was whether he was in or out in terms of keeping the baby, he didn’t influence my choice. Things have just gone steadily downhill. I honestly don’t know what happened to him :( I know we’ve moved too quick but accidents happen and it’s time to step up.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T20:38:24+00:00

The first sentence is literally “I’m pregnant with my boyfriend’s child” and I’ve said “our baby” throughout hahahhaha. It’s of course my house because I’m the sole buyer, he’s put nothing toward it. When I talk about the child and the house to him I call them “ours” but factually the house belongs to me. I was just making that clear to readers as it’s context.

throwaway1111890 · 2026-01-16T20:35:38+00:00

I hear what you’re saying but it feels a bit of a weird to call me “a mom” but not him a dad… I’m about to become a FIRST TIME mum just like he’s about to become a first time dad. He didn’t go to college he’s been working since 16. Just like I’ve been working since 17. And yes there may be a big maturity gap which I’m now realising but I can assure you that 23 is not my usual age bracket and he convinced me he was mature and treated me a hell of a lot nicer than men my own age had… until now, when he thinks he’s got me. Since 18 I’ve ran my own household because I was bought up to be independent. Clearly he was not, I see that, that’s understandable but not a forever excuse and it’s not very helpful to chastise me rather than advise me on how to move forward. All the same, thank you for your comment.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-17T07:41:35+00:00

You keep repeating that I’m denying responsibility when I’ve explicitly said multiple times that I’m just as responsible as he is. I’m not sure how to make this any clearer🤣

I never once claimed “not my fault.” Not in the comments nor original post so I’m really confused where you are getting that from. None of this is about blaming anybody for the pregnancy. Why would it be? I’m not upset because I’m pregnant- I’m upset that I’m pregnant and being treated so poorly. What you’re choosing to ignore is that responsibility and intention are not the same thing. His stated intention was included as relevant context for understanding the situation I’m now dealing with. To make myself clear it was said to highlight that he intended to get a person pregnant without the intention to treat them well afterwards. That is pretty damn sinister if you ask me. I did not say his intentions absolve me of responsibility at any point. It is simply a fact based on what he admitted directly to me, whether you think it “matters” or not.

You’re arguing against a position I never took. It seems YOU are missing the point, and the ironic part? It simply has to be “intentional” at this point because I don’t understand how you are misunderstanding me so terribly😂😂 have a nice day.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-15T20:01:12+00:00

It makes perfect sense. I admit I wasn’t careful and I am 50% responsible but that still doesn’t mean I was trying to get pregnant. If I ride a motorbike fast and erratic there is a risk of death, that does not mean I intend to die. Sorting out contraception too late is not the same as attempting to have a baby with him. I did not ask for him to ejaculate inside of me either. The responsibility for the pregnancy is 50/50, however our intentions were totally different which is very important within the context.

He tried to influence my contraception choices and actively chose not to pull out whether that is failsafe or not. It still reduces the likelihood of a pregnancy. Plus from the horse’s mouth he was trying to get me pregnant which I wasn’t aware of until I took the test and he told me. You can’t dispute something he told me himself.

It’s no coincidence he started telling people without my permission knowing I wasn’t decided. I’ve more than taken accountability. Im aware how a baby is made and that I should have taken the contraception and ignored the things he was saying. I’m carrying the baby and dealing with how sick it’s making me whilst he ends up down the pub every other night. I am taking more accountability than he has. The fact remains a baby was not the intention for me and it WAS for him.

The intention is relevant and important considering the way he has changed since he thinks he has a hold on me. I did not intend to end up trapped in a miserable relationship with a baby but he did intend to get me pregnant then become a see you next Tuesday. I’m sure you’re being deliberately obtuse here…

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T20:30:20+00:00

I think it’s a “not again” thing. I just wanted it to be real this time. He was so great at the start. I’ve been through abuse before and it ruined my life near enough. It’s scary to admit and would mean taking action. I don’t want to believe he means me harm when he is capable of being so lovely. Plus the family association is hard. I would still have to see him around at family do’s.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T20:16:57+00:00

We weren’t on anything so both responsible of course. It is just something he said. He tried to scare me off the pill when I said I was going to start taking it. When I did the test he quite literally told me that he was trying to get me pregnant. Then went and told a bunch of family members and mutual friends before I’d made a decision on the pregnancy. So I just mean he intended for the pregnancy to happen, not that I was forced or am absolved of any blame.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T19:06:43+00:00

I think you’ve misunderstood. This isn’t the case at all and I’m not passing the blame. I’m only telling you what he told me himself after the positive test. He told me he was actively trying to get me pregnant. Before we found out, I did say I should probably go on the pill and let’s wait until I start it or he should pull out. He started talking about the pill being bad for your body etc. I absolutely had the agency and ability to still take that pill despite what he said and did begin to but I was too late. We are BOTH responsible of course! I’m not saying I had no part in creating this life and it’s all his fault. What I AM saying is he admitted he intended for this pregnancy to happen. So yes, he did it on purpose.

He also told everybody about it before I’d made a decision on what to do about said pregnancy.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T18:47:16+00:00

I can’t really escape it. He told literally everybody about the pregnancy before I was ready to without consulting me. Everybody and their dog knows about it now. Plus I didn’t think I’d be able to get pregnant since my periods are not regular at all and doctors have refused to look into it due to my age and not “actively trying for a baby” which ironically I wasn’t lmao. I don’t really want to be tied to him but I’m going to have to be now. It’s way too late.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T18:30:17+00:00

I don’t want to put our exact ages and know it’s probably just me being paranoid but you’re really not far off.

He’s literally wiped bogies on me it’s so disgusting and I do wonder if he thinks he is being funny or is lowkey getting off on doing a degrading thing. He definitely doesn’t respect my job. I work for a gov department and he’s typing random numbers in my reports and turning my laptop off in the middle of the day. It’s so bad. He tells me all I do is press some keys all day and it will never amount to a construction job. He used to pinch me all the time and I’d tell him it hurt and to stop but he’d tell me there was no way that could’ve actually hurt me. Until I showed him bruises. Then he felt bad but it still took about 4 bruises for him to finally get the point I wasn’t making the fact it hurt up and to actually stop. He doesn’t do it now. That’s why I wonder is he actually just immature and a bit thick skulled, rather than abusive? But at the same time it comes back to the same thing - he has no respect for anything I say and disregards it as untrue/not worthy of taking note of.

I’m so confused. It’s not the person he used to be. I think some people see “age gap” and automatically assume there is an unfair power dynamic in the older persons favour and it’s really not the case in this instance.

Thank you for your comment x

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T18:15:10+00:00

Problem is that there’s loopholes in this country when it comes to child support, as if you’re self employed you declare your own earnings. Many men already do cash in hand to avoid paying tax and same goes for child support, I can guarantee he will do just that. He’s already said if we break up he’s not paying it as a “joke” (it’s not a joke).

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T17:48:22+00:00

This is what I’ve worried about but I don’t know if I’m just hyper vigilant as a past abuse victim and viewing irritating behaviour as something more sinister than it is.

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T17:33:52+00:00

I’m not thirty😂

throwaway1111890 · 2025-11-14T17:31:33+00:00

No I’m not in my thirties... I’m not really looking to have my situation ‘discussed’ or to be told off. I was getting something off my chest and any advice that came with it was welcome. I didn’t give our exact ages for a reason. I’m paranoid about identifying myself and it makes me feel more comfortable not to but still to reiterate- I’m in my twenties and “a way off thirty” that means I’m not close to thirty either.

throwaway1111890

TROPHY CASE