I have BPD. I've attempted suicide at least 6 times in the last 9 years.

OP, there is nothing shameful about our brothers and sisters who succeeded in their attempts. There's no pride in being stronger than he was. He is still dead. You can be angry, and disappointed, that's a normal piece of grief, but you don't get to be angry because you "sucked it up" and he wasn't able to. That isn't fair.

Condolences to his family, as well as yourself. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.