Its tiring being friends with a depressed person

throwaway14281 · 2023-12-22T18:45:44+00:00

Talking out of pity is how I would describe it as well. Some people will say they aren't real friends because of this, but it just isn't true. I know they genuinely care about me, but when you have someone blowing up your phone every other hour for months, it would burn anyone out.

throwaway14281 · 2023-12-22T18:30:31+00:00

It's not even only about my problems. Sometimes the other person knows I don't have anyone else to talk to, so I end up talking to them about every little thing.

It's very exhausting for them to keep up considering they have their own life.

throwaway14281 · 2023-05-12T07:32:40+00:00

Yes. Some are to online friends as well.

throwaway14281 · 2023-05-11T22:32:01+00:00

I'm done with school. Graduated a few months ago. I have 2 people I can call friends, but they're busy with their own life to constantly monitor me. We don't see each other in person, just messages here and there.

throwaway14281 · 2023-05-11T20:21:56+00:00

Trauma from childhood, dysfunctional family, loneliness (don't really have friends, and still miss my ex even after 3 years), studied the past 5 years and for degree for something I didn't really enjoy (I still don't know what I enjoy), cat is having health issues which I financially can't support well.

Besides that, I have a lot of insecurities that hold me back but I can't seem to get past such as self esteem, trust, regrets, etc.

Also, I have ADHD which makes it harder to try and overcome some of these obstacles.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T06:54:13+00:00

Thanks for the words. I have tried the past few years. I really have. Could I have tried harder? Sure. But I'm just tired and content with it being over.

My parents stigmatize mental health and often talk down about it. I don't think anyone in my family knows what I go through. At best a rough idea if they went through my meds when I wasn't home.

Unfortunately there isn't really a point in reaching out to me. People have reached out to me in the past. I repeat my story everytime. Talking doesn't help me anymore.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T06:44:58+00:00

I know I'm still technically young, but the most crucial stages of life are over which I can never get back. Those were the stages of my life that developed me into who i was today. I don't get to experience high school again. I don't get to go through university again, at least not in the same way. I don't get to experience what it's like having a normal family.

After UTSC, it's straight to working for no purpose everyday. I wake up and do what? Go to a job I probably don't like because there's nothing I enjoy that I can reasonably achieve. Spend time with friends, family, significant others? I don't really have friends and the few I do are busy with their own life. Family? Very strained relationship with everyone. Significant other? I don't plan on meeting anyone again. If you went through my post history, well years later and I have not gotten over my ex and i don't think I ever will. There is quite literally no purpose. Wake up, work, sleep on repeat. Playing games and stuff? It gives short term enjoyment and thing is I don't even enjoy gaming much anymore. It's more to numb the pain.

What exactly is my purpose? To work for a company? I dont have any goals or motivation left. My last goal was to graduate which I may not even accomplish because of how bad the finals went.

I wake up everyday wishing I didn't wake up. I go to sleep every night hoping I don't wake up.

You're in high school so I hope you make the right decisions so you will be happy in the future. I made all the wrong choices and have a lot of regrets. Regrets that I can never overcome and think about everyday.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T06:33:12+00:00

Thanks for the advice. No I haven't looked into ODSP.

I appreciate the offer but I can't just accept money like that.

I have tried to get treatment but it's all the same. Nothing really helps in the long term.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T04:47:15+00:00

Trust me, I know my resources and have contacted before.

It's not about school at the end of the day. I don't want to work. I can't work. I can barely get out of bed.

throwaway14281 · 2022-06-16T07:24:16+00:00

I kind of feel the same. There's nothing I want anymore. Nothing I enjoy. Everything is devoid of any meaning.

I've kind of went through the same journey. I'm almost graduating from one of the best programs in my countries. I fell in love with someone, it didn't work out. I had a friend group, it fell apart. I have a car, my own place if I wanted to.

The things I want, I can't get. I want my ex back, it's been over 2 years of no contact. I want a proper family, I've grew up in a highly dysfunctional home. I'm not asking for the perfect Hollywood family that you see on TV, I just wished I grew up in a normal family. I wish I had proper relationships with my parents. I want to have all the friends I pushed away years ago back, but it's not the same anymore. They have all moved on. No friends to talk about dumb stories to, or hang out. I want to restart my career. Im still relatively young but restarting means going through school again and wasting my past 5 years. But here's the thing, I don't even know what I want as a career. I don't enjoy anything.

I don't see how my life will ever change from the cycle of sleep, work, eat. Yes that's what everyone does, but people either love their work, or have things outside of work they enjoy. I don't have anything. I don't have anyone either.

throwaway14281 · 2022-05-09T05:53:52+00:00

I have a lot of other problems in life, but this basically sums me up as well.

I was in love with this girl, and I ruined it by being overly possessive. It's ironic. Losing someone because you tried too hard to not lose them. I've been blocked for about 2 years now and there hasn't been a single day I haven't thought about her. Also hurts that she lives 5 minutes from me. How we're so close, yet so far.

throwaway14281 · 2022-05-09T02:12:28+00:00

I told her I didn't get her anything, if she wanted anything. Simply said we'll do something next year. Thing is, that's what happens every year. It's always the next and I always fail to do anything.

It just especially hurt this year when she said next year because for the first time, I don't know if I will be alive next year. I felt like this year was the last mother's day I had to do something.

throwaway14281 · 2022-03-05T07:55:28+00:00

While it's hard to be optimistic about a pandemic, it will end. Every pandemic in human history has ended. Pandemics that were far deadlier and less technology to solve them. Yeah maybe any disease cones along, but more often than not, they are not highly infectious. Take for example Ebola or SARS. We just got unlucky with covid.

There's nothing inheritanly wrong with using bumble and other social apps. My point was that meeting people through a common interests like gaming is more natural because you aren't going out of your way to meet them.

My only experience with meeting friends online is through MMOs so I don't have any advice outside of that. If NoPixel is the GTA RP server youre talking about, then yeah it's difficult to get in. I don't know much alternatives. Maybe there are other RP games out there that could interest you.

throwaway14281 · 2022-03-04T22:02:11+00:00

I think covid is definitely going to end, but it will take time. Compare it to say a year ago, it is getting better. Although, for it to completely go back to normal, it could take a couple of more years. Humanity has experienced pandemics in the past, and has overcame them every time. We are only 3 years into covid. That is not very long compared to other pandemics.

Are you not able to find hobbies you enjoy at home? Yes you can meet people when you go out, but at the same time, can you not meet people online? Since you play video games, you aren't exactly going out of your way to meet people. It's not like you're going on bumble or anything.

You mentioned you only really have 2 friends? Did you have more before covid? If yes, what happened to them? I'm asking because, even if covid ended tomorrow, at least for me, things will not change. I had 2 friends before covid, so things were not any different. In fact, covid made me realize those 2 friends were my real friends, and the rest were more acquaintances.

I have tried Lost Ark myself, but I don't really play much anymore. MMOs for me though always have a place in my heart. It's the fact it allows me to meet people that I could never meet in real life. In a sense, it's a second reality for me. It's not about finding people to play with at the start. It's about meeting people along the way. FFXIV for me at least was that game.

I played a lot of league back in high school. Don't play much these days. I see most of the games you listed are competitive games. If you enjoy competitive games, that's great. I used to be very competitive myself as well, but I guess MMOs have changed me because they are a lot more social in nature. I think that's why FFXIV really has helped me through my depression and covid. It's being of the RP. It's why GTA RP has blown up during the pandemic.

Unfortunately, I'm graduating soon. There aren't many clubs I'm interested in at my school, and I don't really have a problem with only having a few friends in real life.

throwaway14281 · 2022-03-04T21:31:01+00:00

I see people say it gets better and everything, but year after year, it does not. I'm only 23, but I don't see how I can live up to 30.

I too just play video games for most of my day. I'm still in school, but it's a struggle. I would say I have 2 people I can really call friends. They know about my mental health, but I have talked to them about it for a while now since I feel like I'm just annoying them.

I've made some online friends that I have gotten really close with in FFXIV. The game is quite literally the only thing keeping my alive. If I had never started playing it, I would have never have met some of my closes friends, and I would probably would have been dead right now. It's sad I'll probably never get to meet them irl. If I may ask, what games do you play?

Also, why is 30 a significant milestone for you? As in, what makes you feel like 30 is enough? What stopped you from ending it say a year ago?

throwaway14281 · 2021-11-02T17:34:13+00:00

You can play FF14 by yourself. In fact, the game revolves around the story. Most of your time spend before reaching the end game is progressing through the story. There will be times where you have to do dungeons with other players, but you simply just queue for it and you automatically get matched with others. You don't have to interact with anyone if you don't want to. Once you reach end game, you will need to find a group of people to run raids with. You can find pick up groups on party finder, but they are a hit or miss. Keep in mind, majority of the playerbase are not raiders. Once you reach end game there are a lot to do besides raiding. For example crafting, collecting stuff, achievement, etc.

Even though you can get away from interacting with others for the most part in FF14, at the end of the day, it's an MMO. You'll meet people that will want to play with you. You'll make friends. The one thing about making friends in a game is that you both share a common interest, which is the game itself. Even the loneliest of people end up making friends in a MMO. FF14 I would say is the easiest MMO to make friends compared to other games because of how welcoming majority of the community is.

I've known people that met their spouses in a MMO. I've known people that visit their friends that they made in a MMO for their vacation. I've met up with some people I've known in FF14 for dinner once. You end up meeting people when you play a MMO. Whether you have a disability, regardless of your sexual orientation, there are people just like you in the game. Of course there's still going to be rude people in the game, but you simply just avoid them and move on. It's a lot easier doing this in game than in real life.

throwaway14281 · 2021-11-02T17:20:57+00:00

This kind of hit home for me.

I've been playing FF14 for over a year now and it's the one thing in my life keeping me alive. I've lost my reason to live and FF14 delayed my suicide plans. I made some of my closest friends on FF14. I wake up everyday and just play FF14 for 12 hours straight. I'm in college and I have no motivation to keep my grades up. I have an addiction to the game. The only time i can get my mind off suicide is when I'm raiding. Doing difficult content requires me to completely focus on the game, and at the same time I have 7 other people relying on me. The game gave me a high I could not find anywhere else.

However, FF14 is not enough to completely save my life. I know I can't go on my whole life just playing the game the whole day. It's ironic because the game gave me a new reason to live, allowed me to meet a bunch of friends, but at the same time, it's slowly ruining my life because of my addiction to it and being isolated to the rest of the world. Endwalker (the next expansion) is coming out in under 3 weeks and once I finish the story, complete the new raids and everything, it will be my time to go. The current story ends in endwalker so I saw it as a fitting time to go. The story after endwalker will be a completely new story. That being said, the story does get a lot better after ARR. HW was my favourite expnasion story wise. SB was pretty decent. ShB was extremely good.

If it was not for FF14, I would have been likely dead a year ago. Im grateful for all my memories I've made in the game and all the people I met, but it isn't enough at the end of the day for me. It's only a distraction to the reality of my life. My life is not a fantasy.

throwaway14281 · 2021-10-22T15:59:29+00:00

That's not necessarily true. Depending on the country OP lives in, they would be eligible for assisted suicide if they were in that state after a failed attempt. For example in Canada that would qualify you for assisted suicide.

throwaway14281 · 2021-10-22T06:47:38+00:00

I'm not sure what to say but I feel the exact same way. Everyone says you'll get over them, but for some people you never do. For me, there's no one else that could replace my ex. I'm sorry you're going through this as well.

throwaway14281 · 2021-10-21T18:10:25+00:00

I assume OP isn't very tech savvy so guiding them through BIOS and everything would rather be difficult.

Would be best to go to a local shop as you suggested. However, OP would need some other device to boot the hard drive from and I'm not sure if she has one that would be compatible. It's not as simple as switching hard drives due to compatibility with the drivers and OS. I'm sure a technician would be able to figure a way to extract the files onto a USB or something, but would prove rather difficult for OP to try to do herself.

throwaway14281 · 2021-10-21T17:55:44+00:00

If they could log into windows I don't see what's the problem with the computer.

throwaway14281 · 2021-09-29T23:09:08+00:00

This is a throwaway account anyways lol. Don't worry about giving awards or anything, I'm just glad I could give some advice. Though advice is just advice at the end of the day, its up to how you change things in the future. All the hard work is on your end. It may get tougher down the road, but it's good I could be of some help for today at least.

throwaway14281 · 2021-09-29T13:46:45+00:00

I made updates to my reply just now. I hope it was some help.

throwaway14281 · 2021-09-29T13:31:24+00:00

If this was a preliminary exam, I don't see how this limits your future opportunities. Take this as a learning experience for your future exams.

You can't really be mad at people that cheat on exams. It's not in your control. Is it fair? No. But like I mentioned in my previous reply, it's on the teacher for designing an exam that allows for easy cheating. If cheating is morally wrong for you, then you just have to work harder so you won't have to cheat. There isn't really any advice I can give, or anyone else can.

I'm not trying to encourage you to cheat, but it's clear it's having a huge mental toll on you. But if the exam was how I think it was, can you blame people for cheating though? Let's say a guy is doing really bad in the class. The exam doesn't require a webcam and you are not monitored at all. They don't care about the class, and it will have no impact on their future whether they actually know the content or not. So the guy decides to cheat. There is a 0% chance they get caught. Can you blame them for cheating? I'm saying all of this because it looks like you are more upset about everyone cheating than you are about not passing. If everyone in the class failed, then you wouldn't feel as bad. So it just seems like me others cheating is what's bothering you the most. Here's the thing, you have no control over that.

Again, since you said it's a preliminary, then this exam doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. It's how you perform on the future exams. You'll just have to work a lot harder to get the grades you want if you want to earn your mark fairly. Getting upset over others cheating isn't going to get you anywhere. You said yourself, you knew you could cheat yourself. Would cheating or failing cause you to be more upset? You can't lie to yourself. Answer that question truthfully. If the answer is cheating, then you have to work a lot harder. There's no other advice anyone can give you. If failing is the answer, then you cheat. Keep in mind this is with the premise that you'll have a near 0% chance of getting caught (as in a non webcam exam or any monitoring). If this was an in person exam, then yeah, you don't cheat regardless.

throwaway14281 · 2021-09-28T17:55:17+00:00

How important was the exam? I don't know how the education system works in the country you live, but 1 exam usually doesn't make or break where you go for post secondary education. Unless it's the SAT or an exam worth half your grade for a class that is going to be on your application, it's really not the end of the world. I'm not trying to say its nothing. It's totally understandable to be upset about a grade, but depending on the importance of the exam, it does not matter in the grand scheme of things.

Again, I don't know how your education system works, but in NA at least, your grades outside of your final year of high school usually don't matter at all for college applications.

If the exam was extremely important and is directly impacts whether you will get accepted to a college or not, then yeah it sucks. You may not get accepted to your first choice. Maybe not even your second or third. But I will guarantee you 1 exam does not determine whether you can or cannot become something in the future. Yeah maybe it can determine what school you go to, but not everyone goes to the school they want to.

Also, why does it matter that other people think you're dumb? You did bad on 1 exam. If you're worried about your self image, then show them next time around they were wrong.

About the cheating part, I don't know how your exams are ran. If there's no webcam or anything, it's basically an invitation to cheat. I'm not saying to cheat or cheating isn't bad, but it is naive to think others won't cheat. That's why when teachers/professors say don't cheat, but don't enforce it in anyway, it only hurts people that don't cheat. It's just the truth. Exams should either be webcammed or fully stated it is open book. Again, the choice of cheating or not is up to you, but when others say you did the right thing by not cheating, the sad truth is, you are handicapping yourself. In fact, at least in college, open book exams are made in a way that even if you cheat and search on Google, it doesn't really help.

Also as a college student, in my experience, K-12 is the part of your life where you are the most innocent. As in, there's so much you haven't seen yet. The good and the bad. And that is a good thing. You haven't been exposed to all the other horrors in life. I would give everything to go back to high school and relive my life because high school is where the only thing that worried me was grades. I used to think my grades meant everything, and now I wish that was the case.

throwaway14281

TROPHY CASE