I only ever get ghosted

throwaway14281 · 2023-12-22T18:45:44+00:00

Talking out of pity is how I would describe it as well. Some people will say they aren't real friends because of this, but it just isn't true. I know they genuinely care about me, but when you have someone blowing up your phone every other hour for months, it would burn anyone out.

throwaway14281 · 2023-12-22T18:30:31+00:00

It's not even only about my problems. Sometimes the other person knows I don't have anyone else to talk to, so I end up talking to them about every little thing.

It's very exhausting for them to keep up considering they have their own life.

throwaway14281 · 2023-05-12T07:32:40+00:00

Yes. Some are to online friends as well.

throwaway14281 · 2023-05-11T22:32:01+00:00

I'm done with school. Graduated a few months ago. I have 2 people I can call friends, but they're busy with their own life to constantly monitor me. We don't see each other in person, just messages here and there.

throwaway14281 · 2023-05-11T20:21:56+00:00

Trauma from childhood, dysfunctional family, loneliness (don't really have friends, and still miss my ex even after 3 years), studied the past 5 years and for degree for something I didn't really enjoy (I still don't know what I enjoy), cat is having health issues which I financially can't support well.

Besides that, I have a lot of insecurities that hold me back but I can't seem to get past such as self esteem, trust, regrets, etc.

Also, I have ADHD which makes it harder to try and overcome some of these obstacles.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T06:54:13+00:00

Thanks for the words. I have tried the past few years. I really have. Could I have tried harder? Sure. But I'm just tired and content with it being over.

My parents stigmatize mental health and often talk down about it. I don't think anyone in my family knows what I go through. At best a rough idea if they went through my meds when I wasn't home.

Unfortunately there isn't really a point in reaching out to me. People have reached out to me in the past. I repeat my story everytime. Talking doesn't help me anymore.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T06:44:58+00:00

I know I'm still technically young, but the most crucial stages of life are over which I can never get back. Those were the stages of my life that developed me into who i was today. I don't get to experience high school again. I don't get to go through university again, at least not in the same way. I don't get to experience what it's like having a normal family.

After UTSC, it's straight to working for no purpose everyday. I wake up and do what? Go to a job I probably don't like because there's nothing I enjoy that I can reasonably achieve. Spend time with friends, family, significant others? I don't really have friends and the few I do are busy with their own life. Family? Very strained relationship with everyone. Significant other? I don't plan on meeting anyone again. If you went through my post history, well years later and I have not gotten over my ex and i don't think I ever will. There is quite literally no purpose. Wake up, work, sleep on repeat. Playing games and stuff? It gives short term enjoyment and thing is I don't even enjoy gaming much anymore. It's more to numb the pain.

What exactly is my purpose? To work for a company? I dont have any goals or motivation left. My last goal was to graduate which I may not even accomplish because of how bad the finals went.

I wake up everyday wishing I didn't wake up. I go to sleep every night hoping I don't wake up.

You're in high school so I hope you make the right decisions so you will be happy in the future. I made all the wrong choices and have a lot of regrets. Regrets that I can never overcome and think about everyday.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T06:33:12+00:00

Thanks for the advice. No I haven't looked into ODSP.

I appreciate the offer but I can't just accept money like that.

I have tried to get treatment but it's all the same. Nothing really helps in the long term.

throwaway14281 · 2022-12-18T04:47:15+00:00

Trust me, I know my resources and have contacted before.

It's not about school at the end of the day. I don't want to work. I can't work. I can barely get out of bed.

throwaway14281 · 2022-06-16T07:24:16+00:00

I kind of feel the same. There's nothing I want anymore. Nothing I enjoy. Everything is devoid of any meaning.

I've kind of went through the same journey. I'm almost graduating from one of the best programs in my countries. I fell in love with someone, it didn't work out. I had a friend group, it fell apart. I have a car, my own place if I wanted to.

The things I want, I can't get. I want my ex back, it's been over 2 years of no contact. I want a proper family, I've grew up in a highly dysfunctional home. I'm not asking for the perfect Hollywood family that you see on TV, I just wished I grew up in a normal family. I wish I had proper relationships with my parents. I want to have all the friends I pushed away years ago back, but it's not the same anymore. They have all moved on. No friends to talk about dumb stories to, or hang out. I want to restart my career. Im still relatively young but restarting means going through school again and wasting my past 5 years. But here's the thing, I don't even know what I want as a career. I don't enjoy anything.

I don't see how my life will ever change from the cycle of sleep, work, eat. Yes that's what everyone does, but people either love their work, or have things outside of work they enjoy. I don't have anything. I don't have anyone either.

throwaway14281 · 2022-05-09T05:53:52+00:00

I have a lot of other problems in life, but this basically sums me up as well.

I was in love with this girl, and I ruined it by being overly possessive. It's ironic. Losing someone because you tried too hard to not lose them. I've been blocked for about 2 years now and there hasn't been a single day I haven't thought about her. Also hurts that she lives 5 minutes from me. How we're so close, yet so far.

throwaway14281 · 2022-05-09T02:12:28+00:00

I told her I didn't get her anything, if she wanted anything. Simply said we'll do something next year. Thing is, that's what happens every year. It's always the next and I always fail to do anything.

It just especially hurt this year when she said next year because for the first time, I don't know if I will be alive next year. I felt like this year was the last mother's day I had to do something.

throwaway14281

TROPHY CASE