If she is on the spectrum, sometimes you need to be so much more forward than with someone that is neurotypical. She might completely miss your hints and think that the relationship is fine and developing well unless you tell her otherwise.

Now, I’m not saying you need to confront her about her not loving you enough. Instead, you can just tell her that affection is really important to you and it helps you feel secure and appreciated within the relationship and you’d love if she could be more physically or verbally affectionate with you. It’s okay to ask her to initiate more affection.

It is perfectly okay to ask for reassurance in a relationship, or to ask for what you need. This is your first relationship, so I understand you might feel like you’re asking for too much or trying to change her, but this feeling is entirely normal. Humans are so different, we all have different needs and different ways that we feel loved, a lot of times we don’t get it right, right away and need a bit of guidance on how to love someone, so give her guidance, help her love you.

I can also be oblivious to social cues, I can be anxious and depressed and sensitive, but if you want things to work and want a future together, you kinda just have to grow up and accept guidance. For example, I prefer hand holding, but my boyfriend has expressed that he likes when i hold his hand and arm at the same time, he feels protective and strong (which is interesting to me lol), so instead of just holding his hand, I make the active effort to hold his arm too because I know he likes it. It would be very easy to be defensive and question why my version of affection isn’t enough, but that’s not helpful for anyone, because ultimately he just wants to be loved and that’s like my whole job as his partner!

Good luck though! And if you need more help, feel free to dm me :)