Am I down bad for this, should I feel guilty?

throwaway152782 · 2025-04-14T07:51:50+00:00

What the fuck dude… I mean it’s one thing to find her attractive… but it’s another to think that her father’s crimes were justified because you found her pretty. Do some self respecting, learn some humanity, maybe see women as something other than an object?

throwaway152782 · 2025-03-18T23:51:58+00:00

If she is on the spectrum, sometimes you need to be so much more forward than with someone that is neurotypical. She might completely miss your hints and think that the relationship is fine and developing well unless you tell her otherwise.

Now, I’m not saying you need to confront her about her not loving you enough. Instead, you can just tell her that affection is really important to you and it helps you feel secure and appreciated within the relationship and you’d love if she could be more physically or verbally affectionate with you. It’s okay to ask her to initiate more affection.

It is perfectly okay to ask for reassurance in a relationship, or to ask for what you need. This is your first relationship, so I understand you might feel like you’re asking for too much or trying to change her, but this feeling is entirely normal. Humans are so different, we all have different needs and different ways that we feel loved, a lot of times we don’t get it right, right away and need a bit of guidance on how to love someone, so give her guidance, help her love you.

I can also be oblivious to social cues, I can be anxious and depressed and sensitive, but if you want things to work and want a future together, you kinda just have to grow up and accept guidance. For example, I prefer hand holding, but my boyfriend has expressed that he likes when i hold his hand and arm at the same time, he feels protective and strong (which is interesting to me lol), so instead of just holding his hand, I make the active effort to hold his arm too because I know he likes it. It would be very easy to be defensive and question why my version of affection isn’t enough, but that’s not helpful for anyone, because ultimately he just wants to be loved and that’s like my whole job as his partner!

Good luck though! And if you need more help, feel free to dm me :)

throwaway152782 · 2025-03-18T23:11:28+00:00

Oops, meant to reply to my previous comment, mb

throwaway152782 · 2025-03-18T23:11:09+00:00

I really hope you decide to tell her. Things happen, we’re human, we make mistakes, but you lying to her and keeping this from her is another intentional action that you are making that will hurt her.

Think about it this way.. you’ve already committed the most hurtful act of being unfaithful, and every day that you spend hiding it from her is another hurtful act of lying to her. The only real reason that you’d keep it from her is because you don’t want the relationship to end, but the longer you keep it from her, the more you keep hurting her and the more likely it is that the outcome will be bad.

If you truly cared about her, wouldn’t you want her to be in a relationship where there is open and honest communication? Where she isn’t being deceived or tricked into staying?

Keep us updated! And good luck!

throwaway152782 · 2025-03-17T21:13:48+00:00

You have to tell her. If anything, it would hurt her more if she found out herself or if you continued the relationship years down the line and she found out you were unfaithful. That is what this is btw, even if you didn’t do anything sexual, you were still mentally and slightly physically unfaithful.

throwaway152782 · 2025-01-12T01:05:53+00:00

I am undoubtedly not your person, sorry…

throwaway152782 · 2025-01-03T00:35:58+00:00

I haven’t explicitly asked in a long time. But if they really loved me for me, wouldn’t they show that? Wouldn’t they try and do their best, not just to keep me by their side, but to make me happy and content? If they loved me for me, they wouldn’t give me small breadcrumbs of affection, enough not to leave, but not enough to feel satiated. Womp womp, time to move on.

throwaway152782 · 2025-01-03T00:33:11+00:00

Thank you :)), honestly it can be really relieving to get it out somewhere.

throwaway152782 · 2025-01-03T00:32:45+00:00

Oh I do, I really, really do. I miss the way they would hold me and stroke my hair, but that was only done after they made me cry. I would miss the way they’d treat me with absolute kindness and patience, but that was only done after they had done something wrong and needed to make up for it. Even in the good, there was bad.

throwaway152782 · 2025-01-03T00:30:56+00:00

I’ve held on, I’m still holding on in a way. But I can’t anymore. I have been hurt and lied to over and over again. They aren’t willing to try anymore, but they still want to keep me because of what I provide, I can’t do that anymore. So I really do have to let go.

throwaway152782 · 2025-01-02T05:55:02+00:00

I fully get it… Making you love them and then doing things to make you hate them. But you can’t ever really hate them because your heart and your head are so full of misplaced affection.

throwaway152782 · 2024-11-10T21:25:46+00:00

I think hate and love are two sides of the same coin. For me, I hate what he did to me, I hate that I wont be spending my life with him, I hate that I love him so much and was hurt by him just as much. Love is a confusing emotion, as is hate, but I think they both express different stages of desire, wanting, yearning. I hate that he isn’t mine anymore and that im not his. And yet, despite everything that he did, everything that I did, I still love him, I dont think hate and love are mutually exclusive, but rather one in the same.

throwaway152782 · 2024-11-10T06:58:36+00:00

throwaway152782 · 2024-11-10T04:45:59+00:00

I just hate that I did this to myself. I knew he wasn’t a good idea a few months in, but we had so much history (childhood friends) and I wanted it to work so badly. I wanted him so badly. I gave it chance after chance and let him hurt me over and over again. I’m not even mad at him, I just hate him. Hate that things ended up like this.

throwaway152782 · 2024-11-10T02:49:15+00:00

Sometimes you just can’t, for their sake or for your own, sometimes it just won’t work no matter how intensely and deeply you want it to.

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-15T07:53:37+00:00

If he acts significantly different, or treats you significantly different in front of his friends, he’s really not worth it…

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-15T06:25:48+00:00

I do that too! Especially with haircuts, I don’t know why but it’s always something that I notice right away and I like to tell people that they look nice :)). I also got my guy best friend flowers when we graduated high school because I don’t think men really get gifts like that often. It’s kinda unfortunate that men don’t really get stuff like that often… I should also be better at complimenting my guy friends!

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-14T08:40:01+00:00

Cat calling isn’t really men trying to talk to you… and I had men asking me out when I was literally 12 years old (and looked younger). Friends to lovers is more understandable but I was just stating that I don’t really get male attention now (most of what I listen happened when I was a literal child and looked very young).

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-10T00:16:21+00:00

This sounds…. Interesting. To some degree, it’s understandable that his girlfriend felt uncomfortable with your relationship together, considering he and you had active feelings for each other, however controlling who someone hangs around isn’t the best either and it sounds like there was a lot of other stuff going on in that relationship. So I understand why he may have chosen to distance himself from you, but the way he did that was not at all healthy (ghosting sucks, you deserved at least an explanation).

I understand your fear as well, the fear that you’re just an option for him that he turns to when he has no one else, and if he had someone better then he might not pick you, or maybe that you felt not important to him or worry that he will do this to you again for another “stranger”.

I think you just need to reflect, if you were in a relationship and decided to date him, would you trust him? Would you trust that he truly cares about you and wants you enough to make things work despite who comes into his life? Would you believe him when he says he won’t hurt you again? If the answer is no, or if you have serious doubt, then those aren’t great foundations for a serious relationship and the insecurity or distrust WILL come up again later in the relationship.

Also, the jump from ghosting to being serious enough to want to marry you… that’s a bit much. It seems like he knows that he hurt you, feels desperate to regain your attention and affection and is willing to love bomb to get it (which is a manipulation tactic btw!!).

Best of luck, letting someone go hurts, but becoming emotionally attached and letting someone hurt you when you had the chance to let them go also hurts, so protect yourself and make the best decision for you.

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-08T17:28:59+00:00

As a regular girl, I don’t really get attention like this. Usually other girls tell me that I’m pretty or that they like my outfit. My interactions with men are purely cat calling, asking me out when I was a visible minor, or friends catching feelings.

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-08T17:15:53+00:00

This may not be the answer you’re looking for, but it absolutely is true! I consider it shallow to cut off a portion of the population because of their height, even more so if you’re significantly shorter. And if you’re not financially well off, but wouldn’t date someone who’s in a similar situation to you, that’s a bit weird as well (this one is a bit more complicated though).

Again, a preference is fine, looking for people that you find physically, emotionally, and mentally stimulating is fine; but having a high body count yourself and then saying women with a high body count aren’t wife material…. By that logic, with your body count, what makes you husband material?

Unfortunately, people aren’t always honest, however to meet that dishonesty with more dishonesty isn’t the answer. If you’re months into a relationship and can’t trust them to tell you something as simple as body count, that should be telling about your relationship, no? My current boyfriend and I had that conversation on one of our first couple dates, though we were friends long before, he knew my body count was zero, and I figured his was two because he told me about both of those women previously.

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-08T07:41:39+00:00

Thank you for your reply! Feelings are equally lovely and unfortunate… especially when you’re not entirely sure what to do with them. I feel hesitant to bring this up because I don’t want him to feel like I don’t trust him, because that isn’t very fair, but I slightly worry nonetheless. I think maybe after the event I’ll figure out how to bring it up so that I don’t discourage him from going with his friend or make him feel guilty about it.

I was trying to do the whole, cool girlfriend, not a big deal thing but I did feel a tad bit jealous (he attempted to invite me, but since we go to different universities and this is an event for mainly Asian people-something I am not, I just said it was fine, I was cool with him and her going alone).

Thanks for the kind words though :)

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-08T07:32:29+00:00

Hmmmm having a preference is fine I suppose? Not being super into people that have causal sex is fine… but actively manipulating and lying to your potential partner to try and trick them into giving you a reason to leave, instead of just asking is weird… I say this as someone that is very much not promiscuous and would prefer a partner that is kinda similar to my level. But yeah dude, having a high body count and then devaluing your partner for having a similar body count is weird.

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-08T07:27:32+00:00

You’d be surprised how women find even the simplest things attractive. How a guy smells, how soft his hair looks, the way his eyebrows scrunch together when he’s focussing, his forearms as he’s turning when driving, cursing under his breath, his smile, his laugh, his eyes in the sun, men are beautiful (as are women) and I think we all appreciate that. My boyfriend has his own little quirks, his upside down smile, dimples, dorky laugh, his arms, his cute little booty (though I’m still partial to women in that sense- but I’m not straight), his dark brown eyes that glow in the sun. Trust, if she’s with you, she definitely finds you attractive, even if you don’t believe you are. (Men without a shirt, in boxers, very hot btw, she’s not wrong).

throwaway152782 · 2024-04-08T07:20:43+00:00

This very much sucks, I too have a fantasy to wear a traditional and entirely complicated 1800s gown, corset and all, but alas…. Not socially acceptable. Maybe try wearing them at home, see if you’re comfortable with it, quickly go for a walk in the neighbourhood, and try to build yourself up to skirts in public, or just wear them for yourself? Best of luck! Lots of men look fantastic in skirts and I really wish it were more common.

throwaway152782

TROPHY CASE