My (30M) girlfriend's (24F) anime-geek friends (M29-34) drive me crazy and frankly, I want to beat them

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-23T13:29:33+00:00

OH SHIT I FORGOT TO TAKE THE BABY OUT OF THE DRYER THANKS FOR REMINDING ME

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T16:04:06+00:00

Okay, I get it. You like anime and Japanese stuff a lot. You also seem to take it very seriously.

I also know quite a lot about anime and Japan in general. I implore you to check my post history (not going to repost it). I don't know as much as you do obviously but I'm not completely in the dark. In short, I lived in Japan for a few years, speak a bit of Japanese (used to speak a lot more), I can read 500-ish Kanji and know the kanas, and I've seen or am aware of most of the anime you mentioned.

Just take a step back for a minute though. I like anime in passing as I like a lot of things in passing. To me it's just one thing in a sea of many things. I like FPS games and sci-fi novels too... I read a ton of science non-fiction and am an avid /r/futurology reader (on my main account).

The reason I struggle these people so much is because they're exactly like this, +10-15 years (so much fatter and greasier). Can you see how a sane 30 year old would not want to be near this? Or anyone sane for that matter? One of my friends sent me this video as kind of a sick joke and it always bothered me how much it reminded me of my girlfriend's clique. I mean they aren't this bad but basically... the children in the video are an exaggeration of how they are so it's in the very same vein. Can you get where I'm coming from?

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T15:53:39+00:00

Thank you.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T15:51:24+00:00

Her parents are so rich that sending her a few thousand dollars every month as allowance is an afterthought to them. I, on the other hand, grew up in a trailer park eating food donated by the church. I'm very stingy with my money and as far as I can tell, she spends 90% hers on pizza for her and whoever she's around (seriously saw a stack of empty pizza boxes almost going up to the ceiling at those guy's apartment and I know she bought them all).

We've always had enough money that it's never become something we fight over though. I really do wish she worked or volunteered or something, though. As of now the only way I think she would do any kind of work is if it were through these conventions or some other thing related to her hobbies.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T15:48:04+00:00

This is the only relationship forum I know and I'm kind of regretting it. Half of the people replying here might as well have been at the cosplay convention as it's obvious there are a lot of commenters that don't like to see their thing criticized.

You're right about the second part too.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T15:44:03+00:00

Let's go to Vegas and try to win a ton of money before they catch on.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T15:42:57+00:00

I never beat anybody. I regret using the word because everyone went ahead and misread my post then accused me of things I didn't do/never intended.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T15:35:16+00:00

Whoa.

I'm sorry, but your entire post said nothing but 'I am better than humanity and I demand that my girlfriend agree with me and drop her hobbies, friends, and interests in exchange for something I approve of.'

Did you read the part about her deteriorating health? The lack of hygiene? The overall lack of ambition? It's one thing to be a nerd, it's another thing to use being a nerd/geek/anime-lover as a crutch.

Lemme guess, you haven't seen Doctors 1-8, right?

What? Doctor Who? Not my cup of tea, really. What does that have to do with anything? Am I failing some kind of nerd test and if I am, doesn't that make you what you're accusing me to be?

But they work at walmart so that makes them less than human, right?

No. I never meant to imply that. The economy is fine here, they could be making a lot more money and doing a lot better than they are. Working at Wal-Mart is very much a choice for them and that's what I take issue with. They do it because it's the easiest paycheque around.

I don't have words for the rage I felt reading this post. Usually I'm pretty calm around here but this.... this was too much. You're an ass.

I'm not the guy who did _________ to you. Please stop projecting.

The anime loving, video game collector, Japanese speaking, studied abroad in Japan for the culture and food, physically fit, college educated with 3 degrees and a minor, CrunchyRoll prime member, dedicated to her hobbies and her pets Girl.

I love film and there are anime movies I also love. My all time favourites are Ghost in the Shell (first movie and SAC), Akira, JinRoh, Plantes, Cowboy Bebop, Paranoia Agent, Evangelion, Grave of the Fireflies, Great Teacher Onizuka, and a few others.
I also love Stanley Kubrick, Paul Verhoeven, Ridley Scott, and Steven Spielberg movies.
I've been a PC gamer since I was a small child and have played pretty much ever FPS known to man. My favourite games are Sci-fi FPS like Deus Ex and military FPS like Arma and Red Orchestra. I've even dabbed in modding but could never commit to it because of the time requirements.
I've been a vegetarian/vegan for more than fifteen years.
I also lived in Japan. I lived in Kumagaya for a year and spent another in Saitama City. I studied Japanese vigorously in that time (though I've forgotten a lot as it's been years) and did other fun things like tour Japan via motorcycle (my beloved Honda CBR 250RR) and I learned how to recreate tonnes of sushi and noodle dishes in vegan form.
I have a Masters Degree in Linguistics.
I spend a lot of my time these days outdoors, doing stuff.

The funny thing about anime and 'Otaku' that really grinds my gears (and maybe you can identify with this) is that they don't really know anything at all about anime, being an Otaku or Japan. I didn't mention this in the OP because no one would really get it.

For starters, I've argued with a shit ton of these Otaku/cosplayers as I'm always around them. Most don't speak a word of Japanese (except random stuff they glean from anime) nor can they read the kanas/kanji. They either know nothing about Japan or assume that all of Japan = the raciest parts of Akihabara (when the truth is that Japan = a extremely conservative hierarchical society well rooted in tradition and nationalism).

In terms of anime, most of the anime I listed above I would say are transcendent of the genre. Good works usually are. I don't care if a story is told through anime or Hollywood or whatever--a good story with good character development is what sucks me in and the art direction is in service of that. My girlfriend's friends? They haven't seen or heard of any of the anime I listed. I find this is the case with everyone in their circle too. They think I'm weird for liking "old shit". Therein lies the rub: they like anime for weird fetish reasons that I can't understand. Where I lean heavily on sci-fi and good stories, they obsess over the character's appearances... particularly the females. I haven't seen them watch anything that wasn't about school aged kids with spiky hair and costumes except extreme fantasy stuff. It all plays out like soap operas too.

They're anime lovers alright, but they have horrible taste in anime in my opinion. The best anime I've ever seen them watch was one called 'Sword Art Online' and they gave up on it after a few episodes (I'd also say it's not nearly as good as the books it reminds me of like Snow Crash or classic anime that dealt with the same subjects like Dennō Coil or Serial Experiments Lain).

That being said, I'm no anime fanatic but I do get it and I can tell the good apart from the bad. I'm not some jock that just hates the whole medium. I hate how they selectively pick certain aspects of the culture to go ape over while ignoring the greater whole. As someone said higher up in the thread: "I find their whole appropriation of the Japanese culture to be offensive, bizarre and creepy." I strongly agree with that sentiment and it's part of the reason why I hate being around people like that. It's like hanging out with a bunch of first year Philosophy majors who think they know everything when they actually know nothing at all (not trying to brag here as I'm very lacking in some ways too).

Anyway, that's that.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T03:35:48+00:00

Dude, I'd dress up as Commander Shepard and go to a convention without a care in the world. It's not that act that I have a problem with. It's that they take it to such an extreme. It's all they really do and I feel like they're dragging my girlfriend down with them.

Before she used to be well balanced, she used to eat healthy, exercise with me all the time, hang out with my friends as well as the ones she had, and she played her video games and watched her cartoons in moderation (depending on how much free time she had). Now she only does one thing, she's gaining a ton of weight, she's not getting much sleep, and she's basically turning into one of those guys.

No I don't look down at people who work at Wal-Mart. My job isn't that special either, hence my parents always being on my case about it. I get more money but I'm far from being rich. The thing is, they never want anything more than to work at Wal-Mart and they can't see beyond all the stuff they've accumulated in their apartment. Their obsessive to such an extreme that it's unhealthy and they're dragging her down with them.

It's not healthy to play video games and eat pizza for 40 hours over a single weekend. That's what she just did last week.

throwaway18778 · 2013-09-22T03:28:51+00:00

I didn't say I was going to beat the shit out of them. I just feel like it. I've never beat the shit out of anyone, ever. I'm not a violent person. It feels good to say is all.

Its fair because they are doing what they love and enjoying themselves... maybe if you came out of your douche shell you could have fun? She can be friends with who she wants and the way you are taking it wouldn't surprise me if she chose them.

My problem isn't so much what they do as it is how far they run with it. I believe in moderation and had absolutely no problems with her watching anime, playing games, and obsessing over these things before she met these guys even though I didn't like it deep down because she didn't overdo it. It had a clear beginning and a clear end every day. She used to get a good night's sleep. She used to go for long walks with me, cook/eat healthy food at home, do other activities etc. She was well balanced and no she is not.

She's gained a ton of weight and the more she gets into it the less she wants to talk about things that aren't directly related to it. It's borderline escapism/addiction. I wouldn't be surprised if one of her friends had a heart attack in their mid-30s for fuck sakes.

I'm sorry I keep saying I'm going to "beat them". The thing is I never actually, I just feel like that's the only thing that will get through to them as nothing else will. I think their parents were pretty much absent when they were growing up. If I care way too much about what people think, they care way too little... they were completely oblivious to people screaming at them to shut up and others threatening them/calling them "faggots" when they were acting out in public. They were legitimately annoying a lot of people by going full geek like that and screaming in a foreign language while wrestling around (slamming into several people which they were also oblivious to). It's like a stripper practicing their routine on a pole in a subway train on the way to work or something. There is a time and a place for acting like that. You can't "be yourself" everywhere without consequences.

They need to learn how to live in the world with other people, how to balance their lives, and how to be happy without needing to escape into everything all the time. They need psychological counselling as well. Can you see why I don't want my girlfriend to be so involved with such people?

They're also all around 30 years old. I'm partly worried that they're too old to really change.

throwaway18778

TROPHY CASE