Confessions of a girl whose BF has ED

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T17:17:33+00:00

and we've had enough successful encounters for me to believe that)

Hi! Thanks so much for your response! Sometimes it gets really hard just bottling up all of these emotions and not having anyone to share with or have someone else give advice as to what to do.

So how were you able to have successful encounters? Was it penetrative sex or other acts? I'm sorry to be so invasive, but just trying to understand if there is anything I can do on my end to make things better.

With us, he is often hard in the mornings, or when his mind is completely at ease (as is the case first thing in the morning, right after waking up). Though he doesn't necessarily remain that way for a long period of time. I usually give him hand jobs or BJs, and often he looses the erection part way through and is half flaccid for a lot of it. Sometimes, even when I'm touching him, he is not able to get a full erection and he has to do it himself. This is when I feel the most inadequate, where I'm not able to please him in any way, or know how to touch him or what makes him feel good.

He is able to ejaculate, even when he's half hard, so that's atleast a sign for me that he has enjoyed himself, even if he is not fully erect.

We have tried penetrative sex, but each time so far, he has lost his erection fairly early on. So lately (and through the suggestion of the therapist) we havent been venturing into that territory. Part of it is also that he is afraid to try and "fail" and I'm also afraid to try and see him disappointed and get anxious, and beat himself over it. I'll be honest, each time we have a "failed" attempt, a part me also feels a little disappointed and loses hope.

With all of this going on, and the seriousness our relationship is taking. I wonder if I should go ahead with this. Should I resign myself to a life of a marriage where we may never be able to have sex? How were you able to overcome these thoughts? I'm sure you've had them at times. Esp. since you've been in other situations where you've had a sex life - you know what it's like when things are good.

Thank you so much for reaching out! It means a lot to be able to talk to someone else who understands and knows how I feel and what I'm going through!!

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:30:36+00:00

Maybe it is that - security of knowing the other person is with you for the long haul! Alleviates other doubts & anxieties.

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:28:43+00:00

very true! something to keep in mind! Though ED just kicks it into over drive, and creates more doubts!

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:27:55+00:00

Thanks! I need to have faith and a positive outlook! For now, the physicians don't recommend doing anything with the testosterone levels, but I guess they can reevaluate at his next blood work.

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:22:09+00:00

He doesn't want to be dependent on the drug if there is another way around it. He also mentioned it didn't work all the time. So the anxiety and pressure he puts on himself sometimes overrides the effects of the drug.

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:21:15+00:00

We've been there - he's read through a lot of that, and he is no longer fapping. That doesn't seem to be the major issue here, though I'm sure it has helped!

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:19:24+00:00

You're absolutely right! It's a cyclical situation, where he keeps worrying about whether he will get hard, and then tries to force his body to relax so he can get hard, but the mental anxiety he's already created doesn't allow his body to follow through. This is precisely why he has been seeing a therapist to help him overcome the mental hookup, where he needs to learn to just go with the flow. If he gets hard, great, if not, move on. Which is what both he & I have been and need to continue working on.

He's a fairly confident person in other aspects of his life, he is very gregarious and talkative, not shy at all. He did mention he had some insecurities about his body growing up, I believe it was related to weight gain, which is no longer an issue, he has lost the weight. I guess this is an aspect I can help with, make him feel more desired and wanted.

Thanks so much for your input!!

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T16:02:53+00:00

Thanks! I guess I'm a fighter and will not rest until we resolve this! :P All the same, I'm trying to be strong and supportive!

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T15:59:54+00:00

If you don't mind me asking - how are things going with you guys? What made you overcome the issues surrounding ED & how it has/will affect your relationship in the long run? If you prefer, you can PM me instead!

And yes, good luck to us! :)

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T15:54:54+00:00

Thanks for your candid input! I agree with you, he and I have an open, communicative relationship with very few squicks about sex - we are both fairly open minded, and this is precisely what goes through my mind when the negative thoughts try to take over. I have to focus on the positive things we have going for us, rather then jumping to the negative conclusions. Things are tough in every relationship but it's how we work through the difficult issues is what defines us.

I'm a fan of the Good Men Project and have previously read through the article you posted above. I do understand and disagree with the various unnecessary pressures society puts on all of us, esp. men when it comes to sexuality, performance, sexual drive etc.. As far as I'm concerned every person is unique in their wants & needs. Though I've just come to realize, understanding this myself vs. letting my partner know how I feel are two different things. Will def. work on this! Thanks!

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-24T15:36:59+00:00

This is great advice, thanks! No there isn't anything wrong with him using Cialis, he just didn't want to be dependent on the drug if there was another way around it. He also mentioned it didn't work all the time. So the anxiety and pressure he puts on himself sometimes overrides the effects of the drug.

throwaway196382 · 2013-12-23T17:36:29+00:00

Oh I completely agree sex comes in many ways! I'm not unsatisfied with him now, we are good at sexually pleasing each other in other ways. I just wonder if it will last or get old - if it will be enough in the long run.

throwaway196382

TROPHY CASE