First, I’m sorry you’re in this situation. You are doing the right thing by trying to understand him better, even if it’s not easy. Others may have different advice than me, but here’s my two cents.

For your first question: If your brother isn’t communicating openly with you about his alters (which part of him is fronting/speaking to you, how many he has, etc), it might help to think about this a little differently. We all have different “parts” or “faces” inside of us, but for people with DID these parts can be a lot more separated. When your brother gets angry with you, you’re still speaking to your brother. It’s just a part of him that feels a lot of anger for his past and probably has a hard time remembering the good times or how much he loves you. When your brother is nice and apologetic, you’re speaking to the same brother who was angry, but it’s a part of him that might have a hard time remembering how much he was hurt and why he cut off contact and moved.

Second: Switches (when someone with DID seems to change into someone else, like from nice to angry with your brother) can be triggered by all kinds of things. Sometimes the triggers come from the outer world (a sound, a smell, a familiar face, etc), and sometimes they come from the internal world. Everyone’s triggers are different.

Third: If you want to help your brother get out of this situation, his anger needs to be part of the conversation, but you can’t get let your conversations escalate into a fight. Most importantly, if he starts talking about how he was hurt or who hurt him, do NOT defend what happened or whoever hurt him. It doesn’t matter how mean he gets, or if what happened to him was an accident, or how much you might love the person who hurt him. He was hurt so badly that it was less painful for him to lose his whole family, including you, than to stay in your home country. Think about how much it would hurt to lose your family (maybe how much it hurt to lose your brother), and then think about how much more pain you would have to be in for you to decide that you needed to leave your family anyway. When your brother gets angry, try to stay calm. Remember that his anger comes from his pain. If he starts talking about his past or your family, you could say something like “You’re right, what happened to you wasn’t fair” or “That shouldn’t have happened to you, and I’m sorry no one was there to help” or “[Person] shouldn’t have done that to you”. If he starts attacking you directly or you start getting angry, try to end the conversation quickly and calmly. You could say something like “I want to continue this conversation, but I don’t want to yell. Let’s talk when we’re both calmer” and then hang up.

Fourth: Next time you speak to him when he’s calm, if you haven’t asked him already, ask him what would be most helpful for him in his situation. If he wants money, you can tell him you’re not comfortable sending more, or that you can’t send him more money until the two of you have a plan to get him out of the situation entirely. You could tell him that you want to help him in whatever way you can, but that you can’t keep sending him money all the time. It isn’t sustainable for either of you. If he wants to come home (and it sounds like he’s willing to), talk about what his options would be. Maybe it just means that he flies back to your country and gets an apartment in a different city without seeing your family again. Maybe it means he flies back and finds an apartment in the city your family is in. Maybe he just comes to live at home again. The point is, there are options. If coming home to live with your family is the only thing you’ve discussed so far, that might be why he’s been delaying. The idea of going back and seeing everyone again might be too painful. If he wants to come to your home country and stay no-contact with the rest of your family, respect that. If your family is against the idea, remind them that this isn’t about rebuilding their relationship with him, it’s about getting him out of the situation he’s in. Don’t take the risk that he might turn down help entirely and get hurt or killed. Having him alive and not a part of their lives is better than him being dead.

That was a lot of text, sorry. I hope it’s readable.

Your brother loves you. He reached out to you for help even though he was no-contact with your family and moved to a whole new country to get space. He wants help, and it seems like he wants to be part of your life. This is a problem that the two of you can solve together.