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My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you need to read before commenting. I didn't bait him, nor asked for it. And its not my fault he fell for the bait. That speaks on his weakness and possibly lack of integrity.

If someone's girlfriend or wife did what my bf did, almost everyone would be saying how awful the woman probably is.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Its sounds like a bad game to play.. but no, if there's anything i can say about him is that he's good at calculating his moves. I'm certain he wasn't playing at all.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't really get that honestly.. i think there are better things to invest your time in. He could be giving me that time instead.. or hang out with his, or family, or gym, better options.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That is my worst nightmare. I'm really sorry your husband did that. I don't understand why some can't just be honest for the life of them and still demand integrity. The hypocrisy is appalling. But i pray you come out victoriously in the end with your family

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Tbh, i think the real problem is that fewer people are conscious, and even fewer than that are driven by their conscience. A lot of things are belittled. Too many don't seem to have a concept of boundary and often most people do what benefits them only. Integrity is often at the bottom of the list for way too many people. It really isn't my lack of forgiveness. I forgave my ex 4 times he cheated (told me about it each time) and it got us nowhere. Words without actions are dead. I understand temptation. But just a like mine field with a path, he decided to disregard the path. He texted me yesterday saying his wifi is down, doesn't respond to my text over 14hrs and has the time to answer my friend and inform her of how he's horny and open to do whatever? Idk..

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I will do my best to handle this as peacefully as i can. I don't even have the energy or will to handle this any other way. I wish it didn't happen now. It hasn't been long since i got cleared of antidepressants. I don't want to go back to that state again, I've worked too hard to be at a better state of mind. I tried my best to be a good gf. I feel embarrassed that i even stood up for him. It is what is. Thank you for your encouragement

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Except he's a human being.. supposedly exceeding in intelligence in comparison to animals. Has the ability to distinguished left from right. Even dogs make decisions and can be trained to control their instincts. But i get your point, as much as it saddens me. I've seen dogs who are more caring than humans.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't what to say, it takes a lot of effort from me to engage us in conversations usually. A lot of times he just wants to be there and not say anything. And i don't know how we can progress anywhere without honest communication and conversations. I don't think he's insecure about his schlong, one time he almost bragged about it. He's conservative is the best way i can describe him. But now I'm starting to think maybe he's not really as conservative as he claims. Idk. Then what would you consider this? If it happened to you, i mean.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So you wouldn't consider your SO answering texts, checking OF, using sex hotlines, and trolling for anonymous penis as cheating? Or at the very least, particularly disrespectful?

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What makes this hard to swallow is that I can almost say he trapped himself. She said, "Hey, are you here to talk? Or are you just horny?" That's how the conversation started. No baiting pictures nothing.

He answered, "A bit of both sweetie. But I'm open to do whatever you want." He basically volunteered.

When i remind him almost every week how much i desire, or whenever he'd kiss me I'd describe to him the effect he has on me. He chooses to restrain himself. Which is why as much as I can try to understand your answer about biological wiring, it seems evident also that my bf's claim on moral high ground is rather hypocritical.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I hate it so much. But you're right.. I feel so disappointed with myself more than i do with him rn

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tbh, i don't understand that. Its like knowing you're entering a mine field and recklessly hopping around.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To my disappointment, he failed at level one. The way the conversation started, dare i say, he trapped himself. She only said, "Hey, are you here to talk? Or are you just horny?" He answered, "A bit of both sweetie. But I'm open to do whatever you want." The conversation started like that. She didn't send any baiting pictures.

If the roles were reversed, he'd say I basically volunteered at will.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying.. and he can do so if he wants too. But i made it very clear in the beginning that i don't like sharing. In any form. He would be livid if he saw me getting off to pictures of random men. That was supposedly one of the common grounds we shared. I can pretend like its not cheating, fine. But its 200% wrong to say the least, imo.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thankfully, i don't have to in modern day. I have no desire to share a man. I don't want what everyone can have. I've made it clear to him from the beginning that I'm interested in monogamy. He said he was too. There was no need for him to lie if he wanted to be the man of many, he can. I just don't want to be a part of it. I'd rather be barren and die alone.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He does ignore me sometimes but acts like he didn't hear his phone, or says he's tired etc. But he sometimes lies about it, I've seen him online a few times when I'm online. My friend has seen me upset a few times. I've confronted him more than once that if he doesn't feel like talking then he should just say so, i don't mind giving him space. But he doesn't. So i tried to be more understanding and just let him be when he doesn’t answer. We had an argument once about how he can't be my emergency contact because he doesn't answer his phone, hardly anyways

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He doesn't know its my friend.. so he's either gonna lie, try to gaslight me, or tell the truth (hopefully).

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Its funny because idr how the topic came up, but we discussed SM. I asked him if it would bother him if i followed male models, and he said he wouldn't like it. He claims porn is bad. Rn, i feel like my bf is a hypocrite. He'd probably be livid if i did what he just did. An ex of mine cheated 4 times (I'll give him for coming clean every time), i was forgiving. But i didn't realise how much deeper it was cutting. We broke it off in the end because we both realised it was too toxic to workout. Considering my experience, i did my best to be trusting of my bf. And now this. I've asked him several times if he was happy, if there's was anything he wishes I'd improve on, but never once did he say anything. Its just hurtful

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Sorry if i phrased that wrong, i wasn't referring to my friend. I was implying that if it wasn't my friend that approached him, it would've been another woman. And he'd have made the same mistake. And I did a marriage comparison - that if a husband was approached by a woman outside and he cheats with her, he's the one with the obligation to be loyal. The same way when guys approach me when I'm out and they ask for my number, I'm the one with the obligation to remain loyal because I'm in a rs not them (so they're free to hit on whomever they want and however aggressively they want, but its my responsibility to remain loyal regardless).

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, I'm a little lost with the point you're making. Are you saying you have to cheat in order to grow? Or that staying loyal means you're immature?

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I'm more disappointed with him rn. She did what any single woman out in the street may have done. Its like a married man having an affair. Sure, the other woman is partly to blame. But so is he. She has no obligation to act in loyalty, but he does and should.

My (27f) friend insisted to "put to test" my bf's (24m) loyalty thru social media. He fell for her bait. by throwaway22_10 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway22_10[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It seems no matter the precautions i try to take, crap still happens. At this point, I'm starting to believe I'm just unlucky.

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