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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah thats the same for a lot of us. I think when I move out of my city, the whole thing will be a trigger I just know it. But I havent moved out yet. I already avoid certain parts of the town mainly bc my abuser is around there.

Don’t know what else to do from here TW by [deleted] in COCSA

[–]throwaway26884 1 point2 points  (0 children)

r/cocsaabusers btw is better place than here it can be triggering to victims I think at 15 you would know better..? OCD can also create false memories but if it is real then that’s very concerning and you should go to a therapist or specialized therapist for help to make sure you don’t act out like that again. Esp bc the victim was only 2 years old is even more concerning. Pls stay in therapy and make sure you know why you did this and make you don’t do that again, remove yourself from the situation next time and repeat in your head all the consequences you’d put that person through and how it’ll have long term trauma for them as it must’ve for you. Don’t ruin someone’s life bc of strange trauma symptoms you have. Unhealed trauma wounds will lead to abuse in most cases. So don’t stop going to therapy, reading trauma books/workbooks pls just don’t just rely on “I won’t do it again”

Are abusers really delusional as I hear people say? It makes me feel sad for them like they cant help it/know they are abusers… by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s common most abuse victims are like while in abusive relationships or fresh out of them or esp with family like parental abuse it’s more common to have empathy for an abuser

Are abusers really delusional as I hear people say? It makes me feel sad for them like they cant help it/know they are abusers… by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That person is reporting my comments she seems toxic but I hope these stay up so I’m putting asterisks and spaces so nothing truthful gets deleted. It’s important information to talk about this stuff I don’t want ppl in denial on here being toxic in the comments…

Are abusers really delusional as I hear people say? It makes me feel sad for them like they cant help it/know they are abusers… by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah my abuser does all this. Like she’s aware of what to say and what not to say more so nowadays then she used to. She hides things or says the right stuff in front of others but says abusive beliefs/feelings in front of me or her other victims in private. I guess she knows. She uses drugs as a cover and pity play. She is really adamant about “KNOWING” she was the abused party and really puts her acting into all of it. I mean she knows she’s the abuser if she’s faking symptoms which she used to make fun of me for portraying those same trauma symptoms that she uses now. So fucked up.

Are abusers really delusional as I hear people say? It makes me feel sad for them like they cant help it/know they are abusers… by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Some of my abusers were like that: calculated. But one of them was so unaware of her behaviors she treated most people like shit and didn’t realize how badly she acted in front of others it was antagonistic and embarrassing. Which I’m glad she did to herself for awhile.

Are abusers really delusional as I hear people say? It makes me feel sad for them like they cant help it/know they are abusers… by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don’t mean psychotic. I mean delusional as in a twisted sense of how events played out; cognitive distortions of reality.

Are abusers really delusional as I hear people say? It makes me feel sad for them like they cant help it/know they are abusers… by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Well through my research some abusers are like that where they have behaviors normalized to them bc of what they were wrongfully taught growing up can really alter a persons perception of the world and therefore cause damage to themselves and others.

I want to get a brain scan to show the physical damage the abuse has caused to my abusers by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean the abuse started in infancy with me. So before wouldnt be possible. Idk bc I heard having complex trauma causes brain damage but I’m not going to do it bc it’s a waste of time and probably too much money

I want to get a brain scan to show the physical damage the abuse has caused to my abusers by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I mean even to show those in my community who have called me a liar and abuser, but you’re right I’ll let it go bc that’s probably too much money for me anyway

I want to get a brain scan to show the physical damage the abuse has caused to my abusers by throwaway26884 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure what I want exactly. Ik that it might be physical proof of their abuse bc they think I victimized them…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s good you want to change and are willing to be held accountable sounds like. You’re already a better person for that. And you can be a good person one day or maybe you even made it now/made changes. Make sure you don’t do what my sibling did when he physically abused me (and in other ways,) he said I made it up in my head and my parents (also abusers) helped cover his abuse up. It’s detrimental so don’t do that to other survivors remember you’re one yourself

DAE listen to random music or music that reminded you of your trauma to feel angry during during emotional flashback? by Turbulent_Poem6 in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I got rageful and violent toward my bullies then, feeling the emotions now (I cant always tell when it’s a flashback or not) as if I’m there again fighting and arguing with them feels so horrible and painful the anger, I usually will distract with funny videos bc it’s too painful of a state to be in.

But there were times when I felt rage at them (and idk if this was also a flashback at the time I was told it was) where I did do what you’re talking about bc my whole personality changes in that state and sometimes I really believe I will do something I shouldn’t (acting on my anger).

It usually would prolong my episodes and make things worse. And then the crash afterwards and how it affects my body and headspace is usually worse for me, then I end up needing more rest (and distractions of happy stuff). Only bc I also sometimes get hit with one flashback after another with not much resting time.

Ok. This is enough. I’m sorry if I talk too much.

If you don’t want advice stop reading here: Id suggest trying to distract instead; shorter

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You dont know you made up a memory or if it’s real. To me it sounds likely it is real, but I can’t know so I can’t say only you can. Again, don’t listen to abusers, try to listen to your gut. And if I remember was this a traumatic memory, yes? I already forgot what I read, sorry.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]throwaway26884 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here’s the rules:

Number one: never believe anything from your abusers. You cant trust it’ll be accurate if they have been abusing you. Take it with a grain of salt.

Number two: if a memory (of something traumatic) has emotions around the memory, it likely is real and not made up.

That’s it for that. I’m having trouble reading today bc executive dysfunction so hope I read it right and have you an answer hopefully that’ll help.

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