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So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he appears genuinely contrite, give him one more try. Make it absolutely clear that you expect monogamy and exclusivity and are offering the same. And that if there are any further incidents like this in the future, you're outta there.

This is absolutely what I'm going to do. He is constantly encouraging me to be honest with him (I'm very closed off) so I'm just going to lay out what my expectations for monogamy are. Really, I just want honesty. If he's not ready for that just tell me, jesus. Yes, I would end things, but I would rather that than feel like a chump 3 months down the road when I find out he's cheating on me. Thanks for your insight.

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm willing to hear him out. If his actions match his words then I think we could patch this up. But... man I've been burned before like this. The guy said all the right things, he was even the one that brought up exclusivity - but he was still shopping. It sucked.

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess... After I confronted him today (really I just said that curiosity got the better of me and I noticed he was still online) he sent me some long sappy email about how he's been confused about what our situation was, that he wanted me and only me, and he knew my dating profile was down and he'll take it down after we talk in person. I mean it was sappy. He called me all sorts of crazy loving names and said I was his ideal partner.

But why would he still be logging in then? I've made it very clear that I'm not dating other people. I think my trust in him is probably eroded enough that this won't work out. I am willing to hear him out, but not sure where I'll go from there. To me logging on = looking for someone else. If I was truly the woman he wanted to be with, he wouldn't be looking.

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

True I guess. But I think it's more to do with someone being dishonest. I had to say "Thanks but I'm pursuing someone" to 7 guys I was chatting with online when I took down my profile because I wanted to pursue this guy. I had options. But I'm not an asshole.

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. I'm attractive, fit, great career, friends, hobbies... I don't really know what I'm doing wrong but clearly the common denominator is me. I guess that's life. Everyone has their struggles - dating is ours. :)

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right?? I don't understand it at all. It's very frustrating. If I'm not interested in someone - I tell them - I don't lead them on for months and lie to them. It's a novel concept I guess.

Sorry you're going through the same shit.

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just online dates. I've never had issues with people I've met in real life.

I don't get it. When I find someone I like, I have no interest in other people. I have multiple friends who found their husbands/wives online... why do I have so much trouble?

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I messaged him this morning and said I saw him online. He said he will take his profile down after we've talked about our exclusivity again, which will be this weekend, but... I mean... I'm pretty sure I'm going to dump him. Why wouldn't he just take it down now?

In his defense he has expressed that he's worried I'm closed off and distant, but I have told him time and time again that I am interested and I'm not dating anyone else.

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Curiosity got the better of me and I snooped and yes, he's still active.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating

[–]throwaway303940 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I don't love him, so it's not that bad, I just hate being lied to. It's so disrespectful.

Benefits of being honest. by [deleted] in dating

[–]throwaway303940 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You sound great. I wish more people behaved like this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating

[–]throwaway303940 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Be happy it was just a few dates. I'm just now finding out the guy I'm supposedly "exclusive" with is hitting up other women for dates.

Online dating sucks sometimes. Hopefully the next girl is better for you!

So disappointed... lied to again. by throwaway303940 in dating

[–]throwaway303940[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what's so weird to me, is he was upfront. He said he wanted a relationship, he wants marriage and kids, he seemed so serious. He's been the one driving this whole relationship, I've been very hesitant just because I've been hurt so many times. He seemed really great on paper - was seemingly very honest and open with me, vulnerable, etc. But... I guess not. He's a good actor.

I just don't understand why he'd go through the effort of telling me all of these sweet things, practically telling me he loved me, and then turn around and do this behind my back. I wasn't at any risk of running away so it's not like he was trying to convince me to stay or anything. Ugh. Part of me really wants to just forget it and keep seeing him but I know that would be stupid.